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The Good News with Angie Austin has become a daily staple with loyal listeners. The show is a refreshingly different nationwide radio program that offers upbeat content, filled with inspiration offering hope to enrich your day-to-day life. Angie and the Good News Team will make you laugh out loud and even cry a little, all the while keeping you entertained and informed. Tune in for your daily dose of The Good News with Angie Austin! The Good News with Angie Austin airs M-F on KLTT AM 670 (95.1 FM in the northern Colorado) at 2 p.m. The Goods News Team is made of of Eric Reamer, Rachel Mains, and Traci Rock.
Join Angie Austin as she hosts a heartfelt conversation with Grace Fox, diving deep into life's real struggles as shared through compelling stories. From personal journeys of letting go to understanding the psychological roots of attachment, this episode is filled with insight and introspection. Discover how faith and perseverance can transform arduous paths into enlightening experiences. The episode also shifts focus to the pressing topic of foster care, featuring expert insights from Kristen Pratt of Foster More. Learn about the challenges and triumphs involved in fostering and how communities can step up to support this vital cause. It's an episode that underscores resilience, hope, and the courage to face life's uncertainties. Immerse yourself in engaging narratives as our guests share their personal stories of overcoming journeys, the emotional ties to possessions, and the fortitude required in fostering. With thought-provoking discussions on securing peace through faith and fostering hope through love, this episode offers both encouragement and inspiration to navigate your life path.
SPEAKER 02 :
Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now with The Good News, here's Angie.
SPEAKER 06 :
Hello there friend, Angie Austin and Grace Fox. And today we are talking about real life struggles from her book, Fresh Hope for Today, Devotions for Joy on the Journey. Hey Grace. Hi, good to talk to you again. All right, so tell us about real life struggles.
SPEAKER 05 :
All right, so I wrote this one after interviewing a friend. Her name was Nancy. She lives in Oregon, actually. And she talked to me about how she and her husband had decided to take a hike. And so they trudged, as she described it, trudged four miles uphill through the forest. And they began second-guessing their wisdom in choosing to do this hike. but she said that they persevered and they got to the top of a, when they got to the top, it was this meadow that was just filled with flowers and glacier fed streams. And she said, it was just so beautiful. They sat down and had a picnic there and thoroughly enjoyed their time. It was that kind of a space where you work so hard to get somewhere. And when you, when you finally arrive, it's just so beautiful. You don't want to leave. And that was like their experience. And, And so when I heard her story, I thought, well, that is like real life in that sometimes we end up on a journey that is so arduous. And it's maybe not by choice, but it's just something that happens. We end up on this path that is so hard. And we just don't know that we're ever going to reach whatever it is we're trying to reach. But finally, the Lord just brings us into a place of rest. and it's it's a place that our soul is longing for after all of that maybe hardship that we've just come through but where we can sit down and we can rest and we know that he's with us and we know that he's got us and he's holding us close but wow it's you know the destination of getting there and experiencing that rest for our soul is good but the pathway to getting there is sometimes really hard
SPEAKER 06 :
Can you think of examples like in your own life where that really applied to you as well? And you're like, oh, I'm going to write this because I can really relate to this.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, I think that when my husband and I sent the Lord nudging us to purge almost all of our earthly belongings to move aboard our sailboat home. And we didn't have a boat. It's not like we had this boat sitting around and we could just move into it. We had to find one that worked for living aboard and find a place to moor it. It was a journey that took a lot of energy mentally and emotionally as I had to part with all of these things that I counted precious. It was a path. It was arduous. And we didn't have a long time to do it. Once we got on it, once we actually found a boat and bought it, we had like six weeks to get rid of our stuff. And it was a path that wore me out in some ways, just emotionally every day, getting up and sorting again and purging again and saying goodbye again to these things that we'd held dear. But once we completed that and arrived, moved into the boat, settled in, And realize that, wow, you know, like this was a time of really stretching our faith and growing our faith. But we saw God come through. And it was a time of thanking him for that opportunity to walk that tough path. But to come to that place of knowing full well that we had obeyed him completely. And there was peace in that, even though I'd said goodbye to all these things that I'd once held dear, there was peace in my heart and there was joy in having obeyed. And it was something that, yeah, we walked that path and it was hard, but wow, it's been worth every step.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, it's interesting you talk about, you know, peace of letting go of things that you once held dear. It's so hard sometimes to part with them. And there's some organizer lady that, you know, basically says, if you feel, if that item brings you joy, you know, keep it. And of course, if it's something you haven't, you know, used or worn or whatever for many years, you know, even if you're like, oh, I might wear that again. There's really no sense in keeping it. But I wonder why we have such a hard time letting things go. My... Mother-in-law has... The family calls her an organized hoarder. And so she has a basement that's probably 1,500 square feet. And it's the most organized basement stuffed to the brim with like 200 purses, you know, 400 pairs of pants. And they're those stretch pants that... you know like senior citizen ladies wear that you can slide on and have thanksgiving dinner and they still fit just fine in every color of the rainbow and then i'm like well why are there like 20 yellow pairs well she used to be super skinny so there's like you know three pairs and a size four three pairs and a size six three pairs and i'm not i'm like oh my gosh like you could never if you wore these pants every day like You probably, she couldn't even wear them like at the end of her life now and go through all those pants. You know what I mean? Like it's just crazy to me and she won't let us down there. Like my son really wants to go down there because he's a thrifter and he's been allowed down a couple of times like with oversight. Like she'll be down there with him. And he might get like a hockey jersey that my husband had when he was little. Or this last time my son came home with a stack of photographs of like my husband when he was, you know, a kid and in college. And then some from when we first got married, like probably 50 pictures. So that's what he came home with. But usually he gets like a little thing. I even got down there. Oh, I couldn't believe that was allowed down. But I needed one of those like shopping bags kind of like to take on the plane that... you know fooled up and she had some nicer ones down there that were like designed or whatever so I found a small one that you could maybe put like the size of like two bottles of wine maybe so that was perfect for like my snack on the plane I go oh look there's another one there's a matching one I'm thinking oh I should take both right she goes oh no no no no no don't get greedy girl And I'm looking around, right? Even three of the purses that I gave her, they're just hanging down there collecting dust, right? Like coach bags. And I'm like, are you sure you've never used that coach bag? Are you sure you want to keep that? Like I gave that to you 20 years ago. I would definitely use that. Oh, no, no, no, no. And I'm like, what? What is it? I don't understand the psychology grace behind that kind of hoarding. You know what I mean? And I know they say it can relate back to maybe losses. Like her dad was a police officer and he was killed in the line of duty when she was like maybe 8, 9, 10. And I've heard that like losing, like if you lose a child or lose something big, like somehow hanging onto these things. And I know that that's not like the Christian way to do it. We're not supposed to get our like comfort and our like, you know, out of things. They're not supposed to give us like that comfort. Right. But it's perplexing to me. Like I can't wrap my head around it, but it's got to have something to do with it giving you comfort or comfort.
SPEAKER 05 :
um security something like that you know that we're supposed to be secure through christ but apparently we're secure through 200 pairs of pants and 200 purses yeah the word security came to my mind as you were talking and i think that's it is that we look to things for our security but if that house burned down if that house were to burn down today how would she respond right like if she found her security in those things that'd be a significant loss for her But the one thing about hanging on to the Lord and finding our security in him is he's never going to leave us. Nothing's ever going to take him away from us. The scripture says in Romans that nothing separates us from his love. And so no matter what happens, even on those tough walks that we take through life, sometimes doesn't matter where he leads us or what he asks us to go through or what he allows in our life. still we can find hope and we can find peace and we can find joy if our security is in him and not in stuff that can be gone in a heartbeat.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, and I think with so many of the people, I keep seeing these pictures because I've got so many friends in the news business in Los Angeles. And one of my girlfriends went out really early this morning. And, you know, I don't think we can really wrap our heads around the loss that those people experienced, right? And I know everybody says, well, you know, you still have your life and things can be replaced, etc., etc. But it's a whole... change of like all those lives because it's not like a house in your neighborhood burns down and oh you get rid of it you rebuild like it's so toxic up there and now they'll have problems with mudslides right but your grocery store is gone your library is gone your mechanic is gone all your neighbors homes are gone so like then you go up there and you rebuild and in the midst of all this toxic you know material that's up there and even working up there you know how how easy is it going to be to get workers that want to go through all this burnt toxic you know you know destruction that they need to throw into a big dumpster and you know start from the ground up and then the soil and i don't know just that kind of loss um you know, being secure in Christ, we're supposed to find our security there. But I can imagine when you return to your neighborhood and you don't even know if there's a possibility of you rebuilding, like, I'm very curious to see what it'll be like in 20 years. I'm assuming the oceanfront Malibu homes where those people have money coming out of their ears and they're like $10 million houses, those will get rebuilt because even if you don't have insurance money, you're loaded and you can rebuild. And the people in Pacific Palisades, you know, those are very expensive homes too in the millions, but some of them may have been in a different position of maybe owning it for 30 years and they they aren't multi-millionaires it just became millionaires because the you know real estate values went up so much but you know i'm just very curious to see what that will be like in 20 or or so years if it is all rebuilt because it is such a prime spot but i sometimes i feel like so the picture that i had when my friend sent all these pictures out today um was of just kind of despair and just kind of like a hopelessness that many of them feel about, you know, where do we go from here kind of feeling. And I think some of us have that feeling about other things in life, you know, where we end of a relationship oh gosh where do i go from here or the loss of someone a loved one you know how do i work my way through this how do i claw my way out of this i just watched a documentary um on avicii this dj who was so talented just oh so talented and he committed suicide and i just thought to myself like gosh, you were such a genius with creating music. If you didn't want to do those concerts, couldn't you just stop doing the concerts and just create with other, he was working with the top of the top of the top, you know, musicians. And couldn't you just do that? Like, couldn't you see your way out of it? And I know that that's why we have faith. I know that's why we have like the Lord to turn to. But I just think people get lost in a sea of despair sometimes.
SPEAKER 05 :
I agree with you on that. I think depression and anxiety are on the rise. And I just want to encourage listeners today to not give up, to keep putting that one foot in front of the other, just like my friend and her husband, as they were going on that path. They didn't know it was going to be four miles long. They didn't know how long it was going to take or how arduous, how steep it got. They just heard it was a great path. So, you know, the path that we end up on, we don't know where it's going to lead to eventually. We don't know sometimes how steep it's going to get. But like these poor people that have lost so much out in California, they don't know how long this is going to take before they can return to their life or what their life is going to look like. What is their new normal going to be? Where is their workplace going to be? Where are their kids going to go to school? What about their church family if they lost their church? So, you know, everything is disrupted in their lives. But to not give up hope, just every day put one foot in front of the other on that path and persevere because eventually it will even out. We don't know what that will look like. There are no guarantees, but It's going to be okay is what we want to say, right? It's going to be okay.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, I always love, you know, your Fresh Hope for Today devotions. That's the book, Fresh Hope for Today, Devotions for Joy on the Journey. If you want some hope, it's a great book. Always enjoy talking to Grace Fox. And if you want to find her and her books, you can go to gracefox.com. Thank you, friend. Thank you.
SPEAKER 03 :
Manitou Springs is listening to the Mighty 670 KLT.
SPEAKER 01 :
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SPEAKER 06 :
Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with the good news. Well, you know, if you've listened to the program over the years, I guess I've been on, gosh, radio and TV like 25 years. So many of you know my background and I have a real heart for foster care because I spent some time in foster care growing up and really was appreciative of the families that took me in. Joining us is Kristen Pratt, and she is with Foster More, the leadership team. Welcome, Kristen.
SPEAKER 04 :
Thank you so much for having me, Angie.
SPEAKER 06 :
All right, so let's just start off, first of all, I know that there is a need for foster care. I've seen books where it's like page after page after page of kids that are looking for homes. So is this crisis in America worse now? And just tell us about the foster care crisis in general.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, so... Any given day, it fluctuates a bit, but there are approximately 400,000 children in foster care in America. So it is, it has seen some slight improvements the last few years, but a lot of those kids are experiencing, you know, over two to three placements a year, the majority of them. And so there's a real need for loving, stable homes for these kids who are facing a lot of obstacles.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yes. Oh my goodness. All right. So I know that you guys do some research and there was a barrier, a significant barrier preventing, you know, families from stepping forward to, I'll tell you what my mind would be. Well, first of all, I have three teenagers, five pets and off and on my 82 year old mom. But my barrier would probably be my husband. But I might be able to work on him like once the kids are gone, because they're all in high school now. But the barrier for me is my spouse, like I would do foster care. And I know it's rough. I don't have any fairy tale like version of how difficult it could potentially be. So what are the barriers that people see in terms of becoming foster parents?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, I mean, that is a barrier, like your spouse, you have to both be on board. But We always tell people, too, there's a need for foster parents of all kinds, all ages, you know, empty nesters, young people, older people, single people. So there's really, you know, anyone can step up there. And one of the things that we found that people would say is that they couldn't take the time off work. So they'd say, well, my job doesn't allow for me to take that time off work. And, you know, like there's a lot that goes into that. Um, when the child is placed in the home, not only do you need that time to bond with, with some child who has by definition experienced some trauma, but you also need the time to get them enrolled in a new school and doctor's appointments and, you know, all the appointments. So you really, it's important to have that time off when the child joins a home and a lot of businesses don't provide for that. And it stops a lot of potential foster parents from moving forward when they find out that information.
SPEAKER 06 :
Um, have you, have you, like, is this something that you try to address with businesses to try to, I know that my, my station that I worked for one of the gals on the, one of the weather women, uh, adopted a child and she got, you know, the typical time off that you would get. But in this case it was an infant, but I know some businesses do give you time off, but I would. assume with a single parent that that would just kind of like you know take that option off the plate for them to become a foster parent but do um does the foster care system help with things like um you know daycare if you're getting like a kid that's two three four that needs you know daycare during the day they do there are it depends on the state you live in but there are some you know provisions for that and that's another thing that we work with businesses like if a business has on-site child care um we ask that you know
SPEAKER 04 :
youth in foster care if someone becomes a foster parent their child can be um immediately have access to the to the facility yeah but um yeah one of the things we realized is that a lot of the businesses that were offering like you were talking about adoption paid time off for adoption or birth foster care was just overlooked because yes you know a lot of people think of foster care as a road to adoption. And so they get, you know, the time off when the child is adopted, but you really need that time off when the child is placed in the home. And the child is not always adopted in foster care. About half the time they're reunited with the parents. So we need all different kinds of homes, people that want to adopt, people that want to be there for a family that needs some support. And so we want to make sure that businesses are specifically giving that time off for just being a foster parent
SPEAKER 06 :
Now, I understand that Foster More is obviously helping with this whole workplace initiative, you know, trying to get places to make it more, you know, user-friendly to become a foster parent. Can you talk about that?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah. So at Foster More, we have sort of like a ladder of engagement on our website. We try to engage people in all different ways. So, you know, if you want to learn about becoming a mentor for youth in foster care, if you want to have the opportunity to pack a duffel bag or get involved and volunteer in different ways, you can start on our website to do that. And one of the tabs on the website is to become a foster parent, where you can fill out a little form, and then we can connect you with someone, depending on where you live, someone in your local area that can help you learn about becoming a foster parent. And the same thing for the workplace pledge, there's a tab on the website where you can learn more about If you're a business owner or an employee and you're interested in having your business become officially foster-friendly, you can do that on the website, too, and we'd be happy to talk more to anyone about their business becoming foster-friendly.
SPEAKER 06 :
All right. I'm just wondering, you know, for people listening today who are thinking about becoming a foster parent, I know a lot of it seems like overwhelming and, you know, all the things you have to tackle to be approved, et cetera. So how do you recommend people get, you know, started on the process? Obviously your website with all the tabs, you know, a really good idea. But how can someone personally, I mean, talking to someone, that's a great idea that you just gave us. What else?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, well, again, research shows that it takes about 18 months to two years for people. Once they start thinking about becoming a foster parent, you know, do you have the idea to actually become a foster parent? So, you know, it does take, and as it should take a lot of thought for people, it takes a lot of research. So it's something you can start looking into. It's a little bit different than requirements in every state. You can start asking people about it. You can look into other ways to, to get involved and volunteer first. I mean, the need is great for foster parents, but if you want to learn more about foster care, you can volunteer. There are tons of amazing organizations all across the country doing great work. You can learn more about how to get involved in different ways. you know, maybe on the path to becoming a foster parent, as well.
SPEAKER 06 :
Now, in your particular case, what I always love to get people's passion for things, obviously, I'm interested in this topic, because I live with families and relatives, and I only had one, quote, unquote, official foster home, but I had many places where I stayed, you know, so what what what is behind your passion for this kind of work?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, I've always been involved in working with kids. I have a background in special education and I became a CASA, which is a court appointed advocate. And that's something people can look into as well, where you support a youth in foster care, you go to court with them and you're sort of their mentor and their person along the way. And so I learned a lot about foster care that way. And just, you know, the more it's something that, like I was saying, people don't talk about that much, but it's such a big issue. And once you, it's like you can't unsee, you know, what you've seen and what you've learned. And it really requires so many more people to step up in any way that you can. And I think it's something that you realize, like, we're all connected to this issue. It's not just a sort of other or someone, you know, far off that you don't know. Like you said, like almost all the time, When we talk to people at businesses, we hear stories like yours where it was like I was in foster care. My cousin was in foster care. My parents were. I was a foster parent. And so so many people are connected. And it's just not only when you provide the workplace benefits, you're also getting people to talk about it, too, which is so important. And that's why we really appreciate you having us on, too, so we can talk about it.
SPEAKER 06 :
Now, I'm wondering in terms of I know that there's like people are thinking, oh, foster care, you know, I'm going to have this kid for 18 years. But there are other, you know, that sounds terrible, but I said it like that. But you know what I mean? Like people are overwhelmed by the prospect of having a child that long or maybe someone, you know, like myself, who's already raised their kids, who's maybe looking at teens or something of the sort. I know you can specify what you're interested in, but is there also like emergency short-term care where you might just have a baby for a week or, you know, like shorter-term options per se? Now, one of my girlfriends, she's a nurse, her husband's a doctor. They did have a short-term situation. And then once the little girl had stayed with them for quite some time, she told me, well, we're going to adopt her. And I was like, wow, like your kids are in college, like yikes. And she said it's the right thing to do because she'd been with them for so long.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah. So most places you can sign up for respite care. So that's basically like giving a foster parent a weekend break or a few day break. Oh, I've never heard of that. Yeah. So that's a really cool way to sort of like dip your toe in and get involved. It's called respite care. And also there's a really huge need for people that don't want to adopt from foster care that they just want to support. Because like I was saying, the goal of foster care, the ultimate goal is is to support whole families so that kids can be reunified. And that, you know, doesn't always happen. And sometimes, you know, the best situation is for them to stay with the foster parents. But if at all possible, you try to support a whole family so that the child can be reunited with their biological parents. And that requires people to step up temporarily, right? Like that's so important. And I think a lot of times people think of it more as like a road to path to adoption, which it can be. But there's a huge need for people that want to just be there and provide a safe, loving, supportive space for a child in the family who's going through a crisis.
SPEAKER 06 :
All right. We only have a couple of minutes left, but I can't believe I've never heard of respite care. Okay. So would you keep the child for the day or is this something like more like several days or do you kind of take them maybe on? I know CASA, they take them on like outings and things like that from their foster situation. So what are the possibilities for respite care for a foster parent?
SPEAKER 04 :
So respite care, you know, I think it depends on each in each state. I think it's a little bit different, but most of the time it's, you know, two, three days you're certified as a foster parent. So you would have to get the certification, like, you know, the cost of you're not, you have to have like a background check and everything, but you're not certified as a foster parent. So if you're doing respite care, you have to go through the whole process of making sure your home is suitable and everything. And then it would be, I think the time really varies, you know, it could be, Two nights, three nights a week. It's just really that time, like say a foster parent needs a break or is going on vacation or has a family emergency, you know, and they need to go out of town. So someone providing respite care would give them that.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, I think about, you know, business trips. Okay, we have one minute left. Tell me your takeaway. What do you want to tell people that are, like, kind of on the fence? Like, what do you want people to know if you had a one-minute elevator speech to give to us?
SPEAKER 04 :
I think the main thing we want people to know, and this is what we say at Foster Mer, these kids are amazing, and they're resilient, and they have the potential to overcome anything, and they really just need someone... to step up and be there for them. The outcomes for kids in foster care are not great, and that can change if we as a society and as individuals step up and are there for these kids.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, I sure appreciate all that you do. My foster care situation was quite interesting because I come from a family where my dad has his PhDs, well-educated, but we had a lot of, he was estranged from our family for like 35 years. And then one of my brothers was murdered. Another one ended up homeless. Wow. Here I graduated top of my class. I worked full time all through high school and college. So for somebody listening, just the opportunity to stay with my foster family and other families that really cared, I think really made a difference in my life and where my first job was at NBC News out of college in Los Angeles. So thank you, Kristen, for all you do for others. Really appreciate you.
SPEAKER 04 :
Thank you so much, Angie. I'd love to hear more about your story.
SPEAKER 06 :
I'd love to talk again. Thanks, Kristen.
SPEAKER 02 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
In this thought-provoking episode, Angie Austin brings forth conversations that challenge us to rethink the way we view our lives. Jim Stovall shares his insights on breaking free from a mediocre existence and what it means to truly live a fulfilling life. Through poignant anecdotes, including the tale of a man planning a new chapter post-incarceration, listeners are invited to reconsider the power of a single life-altering decision. Moreover, Angie’s conversation with Dr. Scott Adzick explores pioneering work in fetal surgery, offering hope and insights into life-saving medical advancements. As Dr. Adzick talks about training future specialists, the episode also highlights the importance of mentorship and legacy in impactful work. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their passions and make deliberate choices that align with their values and dreams. Whether it's a career change or finding joy in volunteering, this episode serves as a guidepost for navigating towards a life of significance and satisfaction.
SPEAKER 04 :
Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here's Angie.
SPEAKER 03 :
Hello there, friend. Angie Austin, Jim Stovall with The Good News. And today we are talking about your best life. Sounds like the best column. I love this, Jim.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, thank you. It's a phrase we all kind of borrow from Oprah. And she probably got it from somewhere else. But, you know, and the premise is that... we have a choice. We can live our best life. We can live our worst life. And, you know, I'm well aware of the fact that bad things happen to good people. And, you know, it can either be a something that defeats you or a springboard to greater success. And Walt Whitman said, I am not one person. I am many persons. You know, I'm a giant. I'm a dwarf. I'm wealthy. I'm poor. I'm you know, successful, I'm a failure, all these things, because he realized that inside of each of us is the potential to be all of those things. And, you know, we all have those moments, those days, those periods of time that change that. I had a gentleman in my office last week who I met at a fundraiser event I was doing for a Oh, a faith-based group that helps people getting out of prison. Okay. And he had made a horrible series of decisions when he was 15 years old, and it ended up with him killing a guy, and he spent the next 35 years of his life in the penitentiary. So I met him at age 50 when he just got out, and he had been in prison every day since he was 15. And, you know, and it's just amazing. He recounted what happened to him that morning. And he made a couple of dumb decisions and put himself in a bad place. And there you go. I mean, it wasn't some big conspiracy plan or something. It was a momentary thing. And his life is there. So he talked to me about the fact that, okay, that's been your life up to now. But now you're 50. For the next 35 years, you can decide what do you want your life to be. And you have to have a double good life from here on out to make up for that first part. So you've got to come back. You're like a team. You're two touchdowns behind. You've got to make up for this. And he's making plans to do that. And we all have the ability to live a great life or a poor life. Unfortunately, most people... live right in the middle. They live a mediocre existence. And in our country today, Angie, it doesn't take much to be mediocre. You can just kind of drift through life if you want to, and that's where it is. Or you can change your life by changing your mind, and you can live a great life. And it's all about making a decision. And you can have one moment right now today that changes that, just like the guy I told you about, When he was 15 years old, he had one moment he did something really stupid and ruined his life. Well, the contrary is true. We can all have one moment where we make our mind to change. I remember a moment like that for me, and my life will never be the same. I just don't want to live like this anymore. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, and that's it. And, you know, many things go back to that. And I just decided that's it. We're not living like this anymore.
SPEAKER 03 :
Was that the loaf of bread?
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes, indeed. Yeah, we miscalculated our groceries as we were going through the grocery store. And Crystal had to go put back a loaf of bread. And it was embarrassing and frustrating. And I just said there is no reason I should ever live like this. I'm just not going to live like this anymore. And that changed my world.
SPEAKER 03 :
And you two, weren't you first and second in your college class when you graduated?
SPEAKER 05 :
We were indeed. We were indeed. But we had gotten way in debt, and I was blind. And at that point, I thought disabilities means you couldn't do stuff.
SPEAKER 03 :
Oh, interesting.
SPEAKER 05 :
Everything I knew about being blind, I learned from people that told me what that meant. And it's no different than all of us going through life if we're mediocre. Someone told us this is how you live. And people that live a pinnacle existence, a mountaintop existence, they either had somebody amazing tell them how they could live life, they read a book, or they just got a vision of who they could be, and they just decided, I'm not going to be that way anymore. And I read about once this bald eagle had fallen out of the nest and had been taken in through a set of circumstances. It ends up with a bunch of ducks that have just hatched. And this eagle, you know, was raised by this mama duck and, you know, and took on the character. This eagle thought he was a duck. And he walked like a duck, talked like a duck, you know, even started quacking like a duck. I mean, and took on those characteristics. Oh, my gosh. we have a tendency to become like our environment or the people around us, and we can change that. And any time we don't like it, we can change the channel. Sometimes we act like it's a wired-in broadcast and we're stuck with this. No, you've got 500 channels. You can do anything with your life you want, and you change your life when you change your mind. And that's why every once in a while you need somebody to come along And think, what would your best life look like? I mean, what would you do if you could do anything you wanted to do? Because the reality is that's where we all live.
SPEAKER 03 :
Now, what did you tell this guy? So he made a mistake, killed somebody when he was 15, didn't plan it. And all these years later, he's 50. What did you tell him to do in order to live his best life?
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, I told him, first, we've all got to decide what it is we want. What do we want the end to look like? And he's working on that right now. We're going to have another meeting next month. But I said, then you got to look at what talents, abilities and experiences do you have? And he said, well, I don't have any. I said, that's where you're wrong. There are people going into prison, getting out of prison. There are people who need to make quality decisions to stay out of prison. And you have a unique life. You can speak to those people. And you know what it's like on the inside. You know what it's like out here. And more than anybody I know, you can speak to that issue. And, you know, we talked about him, you know, consulting with people, writing a book, helping young people in high schools. I mean, you know, when you have a guy walk in and say, I'm 50 years old. I mean, you know, I'm as old as your parents and almost your grandparents standing here. And when I was your age that you are right now, I did something really stupid and I ended up this way. And, you know, and maybe you could help a handful of kids from avoiding that. And, uh, that would be a good life. You, you, you would be living your best life when you use the talents and abilities and experiences you've had to help other people. So he and I talked about that and, um, You know, and he's got a job. He's the place that I help raise money for. They help people get jobs, and it's not a great job, but it's a job. And he has an apartment, and it's not a great apartment, but it's a good place to start. And as he pointed out, it's better than a jail cell, and the neighborhood's better. So he's feeling pretty good about it.
SPEAKER 03 :
Whenever I talk to interviewees that I find particularly interesting, I figure out where they got their passion for what they do. And one of the doctors that I've interviewed that is coming up again is Dr. Adzik, and he does fetal surgery. And he told me, I'll never forget, of all the thousands of interviews, I'll never forget, he said, what's the most satisfying thing about your work? Or when have you felt like, wow, I'm really doing something that makes a difference? He goes, well, every year when I go to the big party for the kids that I've done fetal surgery on, so it might be heart surgery while the baby's in the womb that saves its life. He goes, I see him throwing the football and having a great time together, enjoying the party, eating their hot dogs or whatever they're having. And he said, and I think, wow, this is really great work that I do. This is this is really I'm making a difference. This is very satisfying. I thought, wow, what a cool thing, because he's working on cleft palates and club feet, heart surgeries, spina bifida, you know, all these things that we never would have operated on a baby in the womb. Right. It's just so fascinating to me. And so I started talking more recently about like finding your passion. Like you said, what are you interested in? What are your skills like? you know, what are your values, where do you think you could add, whether it's, you know, a job where you're going to get paid, or whether it's going to be volunteer work, because I've been writing all this down myself, trying to figure out, you know, what I'm going to do next, as my kids are, one, another one's leaving this year, you know, Riley just went up to, moved up to campus just recently, because he'd been commuting, and then the next one goes to Tennessee in about six months, and then I'll have one left at home, so really just thinking about, you know, what's next, so I like, you know, how you are kind of setting him on the right path to what he wants to do next after all those years in prison and knowing that he can still make a difference.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, absolutely. We all have the ability to do that. And then sometimes we forget, like you were talking about your doctor. I met a young lady the other day, a young lady, and she's probably in her mid-40s, and I was speaking at a university. And she's the dean of admissions and teaches at the university, and she came up and introduced herself. I said, it's nice to meet you. And she said, you don't know who I am, do you? And I said, well, you just told me who you are. And she said, no, no, no, no. 1988, I'm a college freshman. I ran out of money. I was getting ready to drop out of the university and go back to my job as a waitress. I went to the mailbox there on campus to turn in my key. I had one envelope left there, and it was a letter from you telling me I got a scholarship. And I finished college and got a graduate degree, and now I'm dean of this university. And she said, it all started because you made that envelope happen. And I said, well, thank you, but no, you made all that happen. You did every bit of that. But I said, I will tell you, from time to time, it's a hassle running a scholarship, and you just gave me plenty of motivation for the next 10 years. I'm good to go.
SPEAKER 02 :
Wow.
SPEAKER 03 :
That is, that's, whew. Well, speaking of making an impact, there you did, but I want to tell you one other thing. You know my friend Dr. Cheryl Lynch, she's a professor and just a really neat lady, and she writes books as well, and she wrote me a note the other day, and she said, she I'm reading Jim Stovall's book, The Gift of a Day, 100 Doses of Winner's Wisdom. And this quote from Chapter 7, Crystallize What I Do. Could we do a segment on this sometime? I'd really like to talk about it because Jim has such a way with words. And here's what he said that brought me to tears. And the quote, I'll start with the whole thing, but then I'll highlight what you said that made her cry. Influence can be either good or bad, and it can be overt or subtle. We are all being influenced, and we are all influencing others every day. And here's the part that got her. If we learn something, we change our world. If we teach something, we change another person's world. But if we teach people to teach, we change the whole world. And she said that really encapsulates what she does as a professor, and that made her cry.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, that is good. I think we ought to laugh some every day, cry some every day, have good memories. And, you know, that needs to be a regular part of our day. And it's a good thing. And please tell her I am greatly honored.
SPEAKER 03 :
She's a good one. All right. So in your best life, we've got about a minute left. What's our takeaway here?
SPEAKER 05 :
Examine the life you're living right now. We spend very little time. We spend our lives worrying about stuff that happened in the past we can't do anything about or fretting about stuff in the future that may or may not even happen. And we never take a look at what am I doing right now and is this really what I want to do or did I just kind of end up here? You know, someone told me to get in that line and here I am. And really take it, do it on purpose and, you know, really start living your best life.
SPEAKER 03 :
And I love it. You always say, today's the day. And it says, you and I are much the same, and our best lives await. As you go through your day today, trade your ordinary life for your best life, because today's the day. And that's jimstovall.com, jimstovall.com. Thank you, my friend.
SPEAKER 05 :
Thank you. Be well.
SPEAKER 03 :
You be well. Brighton is tuned to the mighty 670 KLT Denver.
SPEAKER 01 :
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SPEAKER 03 :
Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with the good news. Well, I'm really excited about our next interview. Did you know that nearly 150,000 babies every year are born in the U.S. with birth defects, many with conditions so rare that some of the parents and clinicians have never even heard of them? approximately 5,000 fetal surgeries done worldwide to treat these birth defects. A quarter of them had been performed at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Dr. Scott Adzick is a fetal surgeon who specializes in treating these babies' unique needs. And today we're discussing advancements that will save even more lives. And we've had Dr. Adzik on the show before and over 30 years in TV news and radio news. I worked at NBC for many years. I've interviewed thousands of people. And Dr. Adzik is one of my all time favorite interviews, which he doesn't even know this. His work is fascinating and lifesaving. Welcome back, doctor.
SPEAKER 06 :
Geez, thanks for the introduction, Angie. That was awesome.
SPEAKER 03 :
You know, I'm fascinated by people's passion for what they do. And I asked you once, hey, what's satisfying about your work? You know, what gives you great, you know, satisfaction? And you said these kids come back for this like party that you have to celebrate the kids who've been saved, you know, in, you know, you've operated on them before they've even been born and you're like and here they are like teenagers and they're throwing the football and you know I mean not you're humble but they're alive because in some cases you did this surgery on them and you're watching all of these kids playing that really I mean you kind of help save their lives I mean that's so cool that's very cool and you're right and that sort of sounds a little bit like me I don't even need to do the interview I mean you the line look
SPEAKER 06 :
It is true that each year in June, actually this year is on June 1st, Sunday at the Philadelphia Zoo, you're invited. Oh, I'd love to go. I have a fetal family reunion and patients, children and their families come back. And last year we had over 3,000 people there. And that's usually for the most part just folks who are local and regional, not just who are national since the program was started. It was started in 1995. This is 30 years for us. We've had more than 33,000 pregnant women carrying babies with birth defects referred to us from all 50 states and from more than 70 countries. So that is inspiring. There's so many children whose babies likely could have died running around and growing up healthy and strong. Actually, there's nothing better. Nothing better.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, I want to talk a little bit about some of the advancements, because this is so fascinating to me anyway, that you can operate on a baby while it's still in the mom's tummy. I mean, to put it down to the basics of what you do, but I mean, it's so technical and they're so tiny. Talk about some of the birth defects that you can help via this surgery.
SPEAKER 06 :
Okay, well, there's a whole long list. and we've been fortunate to be pioneers in many of them. The two most common, though, I'll touch on are spina bifida and twin-twin transfusions. What's spina bifida? Well, you know, but I'll explain it to your listeners. That's where, in the developing fetus, the tissues around the spinal cord don't develop normally, so the spinal cord and the associated nerves are exposed to the in-utero environment, which is principally amniotic fluid, which in the third trimester is quite neurotoxic, destroy the developing spinal. These children, when they're born, they're likely to eventually be wheelchair-bound, have motor function problems, have hydrocephalus, fluid on the brain, require a ventricular peritoneal shunt to drain the fluid into the abdomen, and so on and so forth. We can now treat this condition in selected cases. Before birth, we've done about 500 of these operations since I think it was the first one in 1998. And the children who have the operation between 23 and 26 weeks gestation, in an operation, it's on average about 70 minutes. The outcomes, this is not a cure completely for spondylobifida. Children that have this before birth are much more likely to walk, have much better motor functions. Much less likely to have hydrocephalus, much less likely to need one of those shunt tubes. That's reporting and we're now doing, obviously, the long-term follow-up. The first case was in 1998. We're now doing the follow-up, which goes back almost 30 years.
SPEAKER 03 :
The condition is about... And I hate to interrupt you, but for people that aren't as familiar with it, I had a girlfriend who was very young when she had her first baby. She's now in her 20s. And they told her that her baby had spina bifida and said, when do you want to schedule the abortion, basically? And she was like, what? You know, she didn't even know what it was. And so she, you know, did some research, et cetera. And this kid is amazing. They have four, five kids. And she's like the light of their lives and helps with the other kids, et cetera. And, you know, she does have some issues with walking, et cetera, wears braces. But, you know, a high functioning mentally, you know, has graduated from high school and did really well. But I mean, that's the option that some people are given and they don't even know about you. So that's another reason I think what you do is so amazing. Like people who would have not kept their baby... we're letting people know that, hey, there's this other option where they can have a much better, possibly, quality of life if they have this fetal surgery. So I just wanted to throw that in there.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, and that's one of the reasons why we're doing the interview now, just for information so that folks can be knowledgeable and aware. The second most common operation we do is an operation for twin-twin transfusion syndromes called fetoscopic laser therapy. Well, what is that? Well, Twin-twin transfusion syndrome, TTTS for short, is identical twins in the uterus, of course, each within their own amniotic sac. As opposed to each of the two twins having their own placenta, which is the disc between the mother and the fetus's umbilical cord, these twins share a placental disc, one placenta. And the setup is that there's an imbalance of circulation such that there are abnormal crossing blood vessels from one side to the other, such that one twin, one identical twin, gets too much blood and develops congestive heart failure, and the other twin doesn't get enough blood and goes into kidney failure, and both twins will go on to die, unless you do fetoscopic laser therapy. So what is that? Well, the mother has sedation, sedation, It's a fetus coat placed through her abdominal wall, like laparoscopy, into the uterus. We visualize that the sona use a laser fiber that will coagulate or occlude those culprit vessels. And in most instances, both twins save.
SPEAKER 03 :
You know, the work you do is so highly specialized. And I was reading about an award you received last year. And in the article I was reading, it said that you trained over 50 other or helped, you know, train 50 other doctors. And it talked about other people. So not only are you doing this groundbreaking surgery, but, you know, in Philadelphia, you're also helping, you know, other younger people learn to do what you do, because obviously there will be a time when you're not doing this anymore. So I think that's pretty a pretty cool privilege as well.
SPEAKER 06 :
I think so, and it's an important part of our mission, of course, to train future professors who now run fetal programs throughout North America, South America, Europe, Far East. That's very gratifying, and it provides greater access for more patients, more unborn patients.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, I could talk to you for another half an hour, but I know that I've got a time limit here, so we've got another minute. Besides giving us the website, what else do you want us to know?
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, the future's bright. Talked a little bit about the artificial womb, about in-utero gene editing. There's a lot of other stuff going on. Very, very, very exciting. That's three varies.
SPEAKER 02 :
Would you give us the website so we can get more information, doctor? And I'd love to have you back. You're always welcome on the good news.
SPEAKER 06 :
Thank you. Fetal surgery, one word, that.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, always a pleasure. Dr. Scott Adzik, always a pleasure to have you on fetalsurgery.chop.edu. Thank you so much. A real blessing to have you on the show.
SPEAKER 06 :
Thank you.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, he is amazing. I just, like I said in the intro, I just was so, you know, I've interviewed him before. And when he told me the story about the kids, you know, getting together for that, you know, yearly party to kind of celebrate their lives, seeing those kids toss the football and play and do all those things and just be amazing. living their lives because of this fetal surgery that he has done on them for various issues. Some of the heart issues are obviously life-saving and the spina bifida surgery is life-changing. So, wow, I just think what he does is... I mean, not many people can do what he does. All right. So, and how cool that he's training so many other physicians to, you know, do the kind of work that he does because it's not that common. All right. So I started this last week where I told you, you know, let's find our passions because I love to talk to all these people about how they, you know, got a passion for what they do in my 30 plus years now of interviewing thousands of people. I just love to hear why they chose what they do. And, You know, I've interviewed so many interesting people in, you know, politics or, you know, physicians always fascinate me. Their brains are so wonderful. And, you know, nonprofits, you know, my friend Lloyd Lewis that does work with kids with cognitive deficits. You know, kids are differently abled and, you know, maybe had a hard time getting through school. And, you know, he gives them benefits. jobs and they add so much to the organization. They have such big hearts. I mean, some of the kids that I've met with Down syndrome, his son has Down syndrome, are some of the most loving people I've ever met in my life. It's like they have an extra gene for love, you know, and joy and happiness. So then that became his passion, you know, working with You know, young people, you know, who he employs over 500 now ambassadors. So how do we find our passion? And I've told you repeatedly, I'm looking for my next thing after my kids are raised. So what am I going to do? Am I going to volunteer with pets? You know, so as I mentioned last week, so number one, reflect on your interests, you know, minor animals, kids, older people. um being active hiking you know and then identify your strengths so you know i love ymca the rockies maybe i go up there you know in the summers and i lead hikes i knew a guy who did that and you live up there and you don't really get paid much you just kind of get free room and board and spend the summer but you know ymca the rockies and that's always kind of intrigued me how fun would that be um and then keep you know besides your strengths and you know what you're interested in what do you spend your time on so pay attention to what you do in your free time you know what are you doing in your free time are you exercising are you Are you lifting? Are you spending time with your pets? Are you going for walks with your dogs? Are you volunteering at the local elementary school? Are you helping kids learn how to read? Are you volunteering? Like, you know, volunteering might be a great way too to figure out your next even career path, right? Because you can volunteer in an area of interest. Internships, I think, are great ways to really get your foot in the water. My daughter wants to be an attorney, and I'm like, you should definitely do an internship at a law office and really be with these attorneys and see what they do before you make that kind of a commitment to that kind of education. Explore new things. Try new activities. Meet new people. Connections. Meeting people is so important. Just getting out there, chatting with people. You can even ask for connections on social media. Hey, does anybody know anybody that works with animals? Does anybody know anyone that works in law? And people will connect you with people. It's amazing what they do. I just had a really sweet friend of my daughter's move to Colorado Springs and she was homeschooled and really involved in her church. And I knew a girl that I met at 10, who's now close to 30. And I knew she was really involved in kids ministry, particularly working with young women. And I knew she'd have connections for her. So I just randomly connected them on text. And hopefully they're going to be able to, you know, the older girls can be able to connect the younger girl to some other Christians in her community. So I'm very hopeful for that. And then journaling. I mentioned that last week to write down your thoughts, your feelings, your direction. I think sometimes we get direction when we kind of do prayer and journaling to kind of get an idea of, you know, where we want to go. And writing for me really helps me get those ideas out and put them on paper. And that kind of guides me. But then speaking of guidance, seek out someone, a mentor, a friend. I used to have an accountability partner, which was another newswoman in Los Angeles. She's still the main anchor at Fox in L.A., And we would hold each other accountable every week. We'd go over, you know, what were your goals? Did you follow through on what you wanted to do? Did you do blah, blah, blah? So and then think about your values, you know, what might work for you, you know, in terms of your own values and what's important to you. So, yeah, all of that. And, you know, of course, fears like get rid of those. Just go for it if you want to try something new. All right. This is Angie Austin. Thanks so much for listening to the good news.
SPEAKER 04 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
Angie and Cheryl also address the topic of failing forward, highlighting how failure can be a stepping stone to happiness and success. Through personal anecdotes and detailed discussion, they illustrate how rejection and setbacks can lead to unexpected opportunities and life-defining moments. In the later part of the episode, Angie shifts focus to the importance of financial literacy for children, featuring insights from a financial expert. Join this thought-provoking conversation to gain valuable life lessons on resilience, perspective, and financial empowerment.
SPEAKER 01 :
Welcome to the good news with Angie Austin. Now with the good news, here's Angie.
SPEAKER 04 :
Hello there, it's Angie Austin and Doctor Cheryl Lentz, the academic entrepreneur with the good news. Hey Cheryl.
SPEAKER 05 :
Hey hey hey happy New Year everybody.
SPEAKER 04 :
Hey, I've got a couple, we've got a couple of things to talk about today. You actually want to talk about one of my favorite people, my mentor, Jim Stovall, and one of his books that really connected with you. And then I have a topic that will also connect with you. It's three ways we failed our way to happiness. But the interesting thing is the first subject deals with this particular author being rejected from seven universities. So being rejected from what they thought they wanted
SPEAKER 05 :
then getting something probably that worked out even better so I know that your career path changed drastically so we'll handle that next but let's start with Jim what's the book that you want to talk about today and what touched your heart so much okay the book is called the gift of a day a hundred doses of winners wisdom I'm on chapter 84 but what I'm going to share with you is chapter 7 he almost brought me to tears as many of his books do and the reason is because what I'm about to read you that was from chapter 7 which describes exactly why I do what I do. And here's what he said.
SPEAKER 04 :
And tell people what you do first. Tell people what you do.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a college professor. I've been teaching actually 25 years, both undergrad, masters, and doc students. It was 25 years, January 1st.
SPEAKER 04 :
Okay, perfect.
SPEAKER 05 :
So here's what he says. If we learn something, we change our world. If we teach something, we change another person's world. But if we teach people to teach, we change the whole world.
SPEAKER 04 :
Oh, read it again. That's good.
SPEAKER 05 :
If we learn something, we change our world. If we teach something, we change another person's world. But if we teach people to teach, we change the whole world.
SPEAKER 04 :
Oh, you love that. You wrote to me right away.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh my gosh, I think it's amazing because it's kind of one of those, you teach a man to fish, you teach a man to fish, you feed him for today. You teach a man to fish or you give a man to fish, you feed him for today. If you teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Same concept.
SPEAKER 04 :
know i uh i was just talking to him about his winners wisdom columns because we you know we actually discuss them every week and sometimes i have them on more than once a week and i'm never bored by that man like he always he's just so wise to me so i can see why he's a good author who has written now 60 some odd books but anyway i think it was 40 when i first started interviewing him and then 50 now over 60 and working on his ninth movie and those movies take a long time by the way
SPEAKER 05 :
I mean, they really... Well, I think what catches me is his vulnerability because somewhere about halfway through the book, I don't know if it was 60 or 70 or something, these are just little vignettes, right? That he kind of apologizes for going dark because he had lost his mom. And this is where some of these gifts came from. And he... I thought it was just so strange because Jim knows the gift of vulnerability and yet here he was apologizing to us as his readers thinking, you know... there's a point at which even I know that I can't quite go there. And he goes, it took him a while before he could write about it and write about mom. And you could tell how dark he went and then how it is lightened up in his future, you know, after, after she passed. But I thought that was incredibly humble for him to recognize that there is a point that until we can deal with our own grief, that there's a line, we just have to take a step back until we're ready, you know?
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, since then, he's also lost his dad now. His dad had some time, you know, where they would have dinner with him every Sunday alone. And he lost him too. But they, you know, they had very long lives. And he had such a great upbringing with grandparents who were really wonderful and wise and parents who were wonderful and wise. And when he found out he was losing his sight, I believe it was as a teenager and then, you know, completely gone in his 20s. just such a support network around him.
SPEAKER 05 :
Do you remember what his mom said? And I will remember this. This was also in this book of what his mom told him. Okay, go ahead. It was very specific to his mom when he was losing his sight is to, Take a moment to capture all the things that you can see today to remember how it makes you feel so you'll remember later or something to that effect. And I sat there, wow.
SPEAKER 04 :
And his grandmother told him, well, here's what we're going to do. I want to see my spring flowers. I want to go through one more spring season. I've seen my flowers and I've decided that I'm going to donate my eyes to you. Like she actually thought she could give Jim her sight and give it, but she just wanted to see her spring flowers bloom again. And then she was ready. And he explained to his grandma, you know, he's probably 17, 18, 19 years old that, you know, that wasn't technology that, you know, he could take advantage of. But what an unbelievable thing to say. And then when he would come to her, to complain about whatever it may be, like as he had complaints because he was planning to be a professional football player and then became an Olympic weightlifter because he's like, well, I don't need to see to lift weights. He would come to her with maybe some complaints or just something that wasn't agreeable to him. And she said, look, I will listen to all your complaints, but I want you to do your golden list, the 10 things you're thankful for, and then come on back and we'll go through the things that you're not thankful for. And he said once he went through the golden list, he really didn't have complaints.
SPEAKER 05 :
Exactly. Isn't perspective a wonderful thing when it's always the comparison to others that always gets me in trouble? And I've been trying to break that yardstick for years and it's so much easier when we look at What we were given, not what others were given.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, I love that. Anything else that you really stood out? Because he's got a whole bunch of these books where he's taken the winner's wisdom columns. The camera was four or five, but they're compilations. And now the profits go towards putting kids through college through the Stolval Center for Entrepreneurship at Oral Roberts University.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, weren't these his culmination of these were his daily blogs and he made a book out of it? Because I did that once with my blog when I had it because people were asking about specific themes they themed together. And we put it all together to make that book. But weren't these just a compilation of all of his blogs at one time?
SPEAKER 04 :
These are his weekly column, and they're called Winner's Wisdom. And every week he joins me to discuss that week's column. And they decided fairly early on to start turning them into a book. He was surprised at how many organizations wanted to air them once he got going. And he has quite a wide distribution list for those. But then he compiles them into books when he's done.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, and it is so sweet because they're very short. They're very sweet. And sometimes I can, you know, I will do two or three. Sometimes I'll do an hour of them. And again, I think I'm on 84, so I've got 16 more to go, but it's just little things in our, I like the fact that there's one thing for you to think about, and then you can read it in the morning, kind of like you do your prayers and your meditation. And then you let that be your theme for the day. And you just look, and it is amazing when I have done that or two or three of them, who pops up in my world that I need to share it with? And I'm just like, Jim, you are a master. I don't know how you did it, but the timing was amazing that I needed exactly what I needed to be because it's like, we always remember, right? When the student is ready, the teacher appears. I think when the teacher is ready, the student appears. That is amazing because oftentimes I would be sharing this. I'm like, Oh, something I can use for class later. And there was just that right person who needed to hear just that thing that day. And I'm like, wow, I get chills sometimes. It's kind of interesting.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love that. I love that. I wanted to talk to you, too, about this article that it's in that on that website, Mark and Angel, that I like. And it's three ways we failed our way to happiness. So Mark talks about. how he was and they've written a lot of books too like getting back to happy a thousand little habits of happy successful relationships you know they write about you know a lot of positive things in your good morning journal um and so he talks about how um he was rejected from seven universities when i was 18 he says i wanted to be a computer scientist so i applied to seven universities known for computer science mit cal berkeley georgia tech etc but i got rejected by all of them And soon thereafter, a high school guidance counselor told me to apply to the University of Central Florida in Orlando, which had a really fast growing, rapidly growing computer science and engineering program. And he said out of desperation, he did since he'd been rejected in so many places. He was accepted and he got a scholarship. And he said that that move actually changed his life because he met Angel there. and he met a professor who convinced him to switch from the School of Computer Science to the School of Computer Engineering with a strong focus in web design and technical writing, two skills that he uses today to run the blog Mark and Angel, which is very successful, and their books have been as well, and they have a lot of people that subscribe to their blogs as well. I just find their website to be very inspirational, but I thought... that'd be a great topic for you because he said he hadn't been rejected. If he hadn't been rejected by the seven universities, his life wouldn't have really been the same. It would have been dramatically different. So tell everybody about your failing to success.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh my goodness. My infamous TED talk. Yes. I was at the university as a sophomore student and I had been accepted provisionally and I was in the only undergrad and a graduate program. And my professor came to my practice room one day and said I was done and walked out. And that was that. And I had no warning. I had no inkling this was about to happen. And as a musician, when you're in a program like this, you are supposed to take your juries, which is simply a proficiency exam, a recital, if you will, to be able to move up to be an upperclassman. I was never even allowed to make my case. I wasn't allowed to perform. I wasn't allowed to take my jury. That day was just the day it ended. And it was such a I remember sitting there in shock and even to this day, 40 years later, I can still hear the click behind the door because it was such a profound moment and it was hard for me initially. And then eventually I got angry and then I went and did something about it, which was go to my counselor to find out how I could still graduate in four and a half years. And that's what it took is about four and a half years, a couple of summer schools so I could readjust my major so I could still graduate because I had been playing since I was five years old. There was no plan B. I never thought I needed one, right? But that forced pivots. was something that had I not been able to do that, or had I been not been forced to do that, that I could have been just another out of broke musician who was nowhere near. I mean, he was training Olympians and he has a grad students that are probably playing around the world. Like, you know, the consistency of the Royal Albert hall or, or Notre Dame or Holy name cathedral, any of those big dogs. And they're in, I would have been just the weekend church organist, which is still adequate, but certainly not what he was interested in. But my career took off into ways I could not even imagine. And now I teach failure, which I think is kind of ironic as well as he did. So you have to listen. The universe often puts me where we are needed, not necessarily where we're wanted to be. And so you bloom where you're planted and let God do the rest.
SPEAKER 04 :
Boy, I just thought I knew that would resonate with you, what they said. And I use Mark and Angel's articles a lot. And he talked about how this all started for them because they've been on the Today Show, they're bestselling authors. I mean, they've really had a lot of success with this particular website and what they do as life coaches. So number two for him, your writing is not good enough. While in school, I started enjoying my technical writing classes so much, I decided to take a few creative writing electives too, says Mark. I absolutely fell in love with writing inspiring stories and expressing myself. So I applied for a part-time editorial position at the school newspaper. I sent them five articles I had written along with my application. Two days later, I received an email which cordially explained that my writing was not good enough. That afternoon, I went home with a bruised ego and told Angel what had happened. She hugged me and said, regardless of what anyone says, if writing makes you happy, you should keep writing because that's what happy writers do. They write. And after a bit more discussion, she added, I like writing too. We should start our own little writing club and write together. A few minutes later, Angel and I turned on my computer and registered the domain name markandangel.com and our blogging days began. In other words, if my five articles hadn't been rejected by the school newspaper, the article you're reading now would never have been written in all of their books and articles all of their, I mean, they do so much. They've become so successful. I mean, to get interviewed on the Today Show for their work is really quite something. So we've got about 45 seconds, but I'm going to keep you over and we'll keep discussing this article. But go ahead. We've got about 30 seconds.
SPEAKER 05 :
The realization to understand the gift that failure gives you is something that I applaud their effort because a lot of folks don't think it's stuck there. And I think this is important to discuss.
SPEAKER 04 :
We're going to talk next, too, in the next, we're going to finish this because there's another part to this, which is called Fired for Doing the Right Things. And this is three ways we failed our way to happiness or three ways we failed our way to success. And then we're going to discuss something that's close to my heart, and that is educating your kids about finances and ourselves, for that matter, as well. We always have something to learn. We'll be right back with Dr. Cheryl Lentz.com. That's our website.
SPEAKER 03 :
Goodwin, Kansas is tuned to the mighty 670 KLT Denver.
SPEAKER 02 :
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SPEAKER 04 :
Hey, welcome back. Angie Austin here with Dr. Cheryl Lentz, and we're talking about three ways we fail our way to happiness or three ways we fail our way to success, per se, which I knew would resonate with you, Cheryl.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, absolutely. The queen of failure. Sometimes I wasn't enough to do it the first time. I had to do it twice.
SPEAKER 04 :
What would you say would be your twice?
SPEAKER 05 :
When I was divorced twice, I've had some rejections from... All kinds of, you know, university type things. So there are things that I've done more than once because apparently I didn't learn the first time is my point.
SPEAKER 04 :
Oh, you are so funny. You crack me up. Well, we've been talking about getting fired for doing the right thing. I felt sometimes like. Women, when they stand up for themselves, sometimes in a workplace, they're considered the B word, but men are considered sometimes strong leaders. Like I worked with a guy that was so bossy and pushy and arrogant, but brilliant. And everyone just respected him so much. But if I said the same thing in a meeting, it was not, it was not. Yeah.
SPEAKER 05 :
Not well received.
SPEAKER 04 :
No, I understand.
SPEAKER 05 :
Only one time I've ever quit a university. It took me three months to do it because I was quitting for the right thing. And it was a hill I was willing to die on. And I'm willing to do it again. My integrity is not for sale. But it's hard to need the bills to be paid.
SPEAKER 04 :
They changed my job during my maternity leave, but I had a contract. And then they also wouldn't honor my clothing allowance that was in my contract. And so both of those things, they were legally responsible for doing that. So I talked to an attorney, especially about the changing my job while I was on maternity leave. And I'd had two other incidents which were clearly sexual harassment that I never pursued. um once i was on tv and i jumped off something um while i was doing the weather and my my my jacket the buttons popped open and then you could see my bra well you know that's obviously embarrassing but okay fine it's a one-time deal it's over like we laughed about it ha ha ha Then I was at Broncos, the stadium where the Broncos playing. We were there for a soccer game or something and I was doing the weather or some coverage. And I was on the field and when I looked at the TV monitor, it was looping me jumping down and my shirt popping open and it was looped. So my shirt was popping open over and over and over again. And so it was like on closed circuit, right? But other people within like the station and within the building that we're working on this particular live feed, they could all see it. And I didn't pursue that at all. And then there was another incident where one of the reporters dressed up as me for Halloween and said it was because I was so popular on the air. And it was kind of like a stripper weather woman where like he had a big boobs and people were stuffing dollar bills down the front of his bra. And then they shared pictures at work and they were like, well, this isn't a work incident because I did complain. You know, I was so embarrassing. They were always laughing about it. And like he was an alcoholic. So what am I going to dress up like a drunk reporter? You know, I mean, it was like so ridiculous. And that's what he said, too. He's like, they make fun of me for being drunk. And I'm like, I absolutely do not make fun of him for being drunk. We just know that he is drunk when he goes on the air sometimes. But I don't make fun of him. You know, and so I didn't pursue that in any way, shape or form, you know, legally, but I did say, hey, I have a right to keep my job while I'm on maternity leave. And they gave me a two-year contract, but I said, well, I know that I won't get for me not to go after them. You know, they just said, sure, we'll give you a two-year extension, but... I knew that was the end of the line for me that, you know, once they gave me that two years and I wasn't going to pursue them legally because that was the agreement that I knew I'd be gone. But I never pursued the two other things which were clearly inappropriate. So I did actually lose my job per se by doing the right thing, I think, by saying you have to honor my contract.
SPEAKER 05 :
You shouldn't have to choose between doing the right thing and doing your job. And many people often do, even if it's fought in the court, you may lose the battle, but you lose the war too. And it's just such a sad thing that that's what people have reduced themselves to do when we just can't all just play nice in the sandbox. There are certain lines in decorum, but I'm not sure we teach that anymore. And it's really kind of sad people choose to behave that way.
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, I know someone that told someone they had to come into work every day. And we're almost out of time. I guess it's almost here. But they had to come in the office every day, and he didn't want to. So he created, he fabricated a sexual harassment thing and said one of the male bosses was touching him, which was a complete lie. But it was the day after he was asked to come in the office every day. And so, of course, they said, well, you don't have to come in the office. You know what I mean? Like he won. Convenient, huh? Yeah, I just thought, wow, I could never live with myself to make false accusations about someone to quote unquote get my way. All right, Cheryl, give us your website. DrCherylLentz.com DrCherylLentz.com Well, you know, you and I are both fiscally responsible. You're a single woman. I was single well into my life. And if you are just joining us, this is Angie Austin with The Good News. And we talk a lot about being, you know, financially responsible, preparing for the future. And, you know, I have three teens and I work with them all in order to set them up for financial success. And did you know that less than half of teens feel financially prepared for the real world? Well, joining us today is an expert in finances, Robin Growley, head of consumer deposits at Bank of America. Welcome, Robin. OK, so as I mentioned, Robin, I've got the three teens, so I'm really in the thick of it with all of this. So let's just start off, first of all, like why is it important to start talking about money with our kids at a young age? And, you know, how should we get them started?
SPEAKER 06 :
Sure. So at Bank of America, we found that half of teens feel financially prepared for the real world when they leave for college. So that just tells us right now that we need to have more financial management conversations, you know, earlier and often, right? And then also, as we talk to many of our clients who are parents, we hear that they feel like they bear the burden to a certain extent or the responsibility of teaching children around financial literacy. So they know they want to help, but sometimes they just don't know how to go about it and how to get started, right? So I always say, you know, first things first, keep things simple, right? Start by incorporating... financial lessons into everyday activities. So you can really help your child, your youth, your young adult to grasp the concept of money. I am, I'm a mom. I have 10 year old twin boys who are involved in many sports. And we always get the questions around, Hey mom, I want the new basketball bat or new baseball bat. I want the basketball shoes. And my little guys have been working towards saving for basketball shoes. And just last night, we finally went out and bought the basketball shoes. And, you know, I was so proud of them because they, They saved all of what they needed to buy these shoes. And all along the way, we were able to have the conversations around their savings goal. And if they saw something else they wanted, like the t-shirt, I'm like, is that really more important than the basketball shoes? You get to make the decision. So really connecting with them on a topic related to financial management, but in a way and around something that's meaningful to them, like the basketball shoes. So I think about those as teachable moments. It's a really simple way to get started. And those teachable moments happen every day, right? Whether we're out grocery shopping or going to the restaurant, buying ice cream or basketball shoes, we can have that dialogue and conversation and really start to connect with our children on financial management.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love that. I love that. What about, you know, setting financial resolutions like together? Like I liked, I obviously pay for the big vacations, but I have them save for like their spending money. I don't want to be like penny nickel dimed for like, I want this thing at the dollar store. I want this shell. I want this ice cream cone. It's like, oh, deal with your own little purchases, you know? So I try to get them to save for that. What other kinds of financial resolutions do you like families to set together?
SPEAKER 06 :
Now, well, number one, kudos to you on the shared savings goal. I love that for the family vacation. That's one of the best ways to make sure everyone's thinking about this vacation, especially as you know, it's expensive, right? I love how you're managing that. The other thing I would say is just think about improving financial literacy, right? Creating that safe environment, age appropriate to have conversations online. on financial management, because in so many instances, as adults, we're like, oh, you know, finance is a really personal topic. We don't want to talk about it with anybody. We don't really want to share, right, those types of things. But in order for children to learn, we've got to create that safe environment so they can hear that we actually have to pay for the car, right? We have to pay a mortgage payment. We have to pay for the electricity. Those things are not free, right? Or the cell phone that they're using, those are not free. And so creating that safe environment and giving them just awareness and understanding the cost of things and ultimately how they will grow and need to participate in that is so critical. The other part, I think so much is we say, oh, well, I'm saving to buy the basketball shoes, right? What do I want to buy for myself? But we sometimes need to flip that equation and talk a bit about charitable giving, right?
SPEAKER 01 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 06 :
Helping our children understand that it's not just about what they want to buy. How can we give and support others? And so charitable giving builds that empathy, reinforces the shared values as a family. And so having the conversation and talking to your child about, well, what really means a lot to you, right, in terms of giving back, that's just another great way to, again, create awareness around financial management. But it's not just about them buying something for themselves.
SPEAKER 04 :
I like that. You know, and the pride they feel as well. And I know my son's a little bit unusual. He's a freshman in college, and we just moved him up. He was commuting. We moved him up to CU Boulder, and he'd been in a car accident, but it was our car, right? And it's the other person's fault, so... were going to get the money back from the car but i'm like but that's not for you to buy whatever you want right that's our money well he said well you know he's been saving he's been running his business since he was 12 so for seven years so last night on his own he'd been researching the cars he paid cash for the car he got the bill of sale and he got the pink slip now we'll of course help him with the insurance because you know at his age i can't even imagine without us what that would be but he's also saved and i know this sounds crazy but it sounds crazy to me a down payment for a house in boulder which we're not going to get yet because we'll have to do the loan obviously but he has the 20 down and so we're going to buy the house at the beginning of next school year But then I have faith and hope was 15 and 17. We were at a high end like resort just so we could use the water park over break. And so we gave hope the check and we said, here's how you fill it out. This, that, and the other. And like, she is so not her brother. We were sitting by the pool and 20 minutes later, we see our waitress running for us. Why is she running for us? And she said, hey, did you guys mean to leave a credit card for the bill? And so we look at Hope because we've given, she has a credit card now and Hope's like, oh, you have to leave it. And I'm like, well, you'll leave it and they bring it back to you per se. You can't just take it when they bring you the bill. They're on totally different levels of understanding finances. And I guess we have to give ourselves a break because some kids really get it. And the minute she has a dollar, we don't know what happened to it. It's gone, but she had a great time. You know what I mean? She knows how to have a good time. But her brother saves every dollar he ever makes. So what are some of the tools and resources that you guys have there at BVA for parents to help them with their kids and with finances to help them learn how to manage money?
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, you know, I love your story. Those are great, and you're right. I mean, you see, whether it's our children, youth, young adults, everyone kind of learns at a different pace, and they have different tendencies of whether they're the saver or the spender. But I think underneath all of that, one of the most important skills is learning to budget, right? And so developing a realistic budget early on, whether you're a saver or a spender, whatever that may be, having that budget will really help you keep grounded and And then help you achieve your financial goals, right? And sometimes if we're the, you know, have more of a tendency to spend, that can help us get back on track more easily too, right? So I would say most important resource you can do is really help find a budget. And that can be as simple as literally getting out a piece of paper and a pencil and starting that budget, right? The inflows that you have coming in, the outflows that you have going out. and where do you need to kind of budget and adjust, right? And then revisiting that with your teen, you know, your youth, your young adult. And of course, a budget at that age should be pretty simple. And it's more about just the habit of getting into budgeting and being thoughtful about your finances. So I think that's number one. And then I would say number two really is giving the children the hands-on experience. And so I think in both of the examples you shared, those are phenomenal because you gave your child that opportunity to have the hands-on experience. And so At Bank of America, one of the ways that we continue to foster and support our families, it's all around our Safe Balance for Family Banking account. And that really is a parent-owned account. It has flexible financial controls. So depending on the age of your child and where you are, you may want to ensure that they're spending here or not spending there. And so those controls are there to help support the family. And then also there's an age-appropriate digital banking experience, too. The child can have the debit card. And then there's financial literacy resources. So it really is packaged, if you will, to be able to support the family, be able to support the youth and young adult, wherever they are along that financial spectrum, to ensure they have all of those tools and resources to be successful in their financial journey.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love that. I love all of your ideas and good luck with your kids too. Oh, by the way, this baseball bat that my kid wanted was $500 and he doesn't even play baseball anymore, but I was able to find it like resale, you know, for like 60. I cannot believe how much, how expensive sporting equipment has gotten. All right. Thank you so much for your tips and give us the website one more time.
SPEAKER 06 :
Sure. Bankofamerica.com forward slash family banking.
SPEAKER 04 :
Awesome. Really fun. I love talking about finances. It's so important. Thanks, Robin.
SPEAKER 06 :
Okay, take care, Angie.
SPEAKER 04 :
You too.
SPEAKER 01 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
This episode of The Good News with Angie Austin features a profound discussion with Debbie Chavez on overcoming life's toughest battles through faith and forgiveness. Debbie eloquently recounts her journey through adversity—childhood abuse, an unfaithful spouse, and the untimely loss of her husband—to illustrate how she found joy and purpose beyond the pain. Angie and Debbie delve into the symptoms of victim mentality and practical, faith-based steps to break free and pivot to a more hopeful existence. Tune in for an inspiring narrative that is both humbling and empowering, reminding us that our stories are not over, and the best is yet to come.
SPEAKER 03 :
Welcome to the good news with Angie Austin now with the good news. Here's Angie.
SPEAKER 06 :
Hello there, friend. Angie Austin here with the good news. And the good news is we're talking to Debbie Chavez. She is the author of Pivot, How to Break Free from Grief, Heartbreak, Past Abuse, and Resentment. I love this topic because this is a make or break topic for your life. If you can do it right, you have a great life. And if you can't, your whole life is hung up on the past abuse and resentment and grief and heartbreak. Hey, Debbie.
SPEAKER 05 :
Hey there, yes. It sounds like you might have experienced some of this in the past, just like me.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, anybody who listens to the show is like, oh, not your mother again. I used my mom, who's so lovely and so sweet and so kind, but she was abused as a kid. She was abused as a wife. She was abused as an adult by her sister. So she definitely has more of a victim mentality than I do, and I can't. fault her per se, because she had a different, you know, experience than I did. But I'm very much about moving through with the forgiveness and, you know, breaking free from it. And I feel like even to this day in her 80s, she's still caught up in a lot of anger. And there's a lot of really deep wounds that still color her everyday interactions with people.
SPEAKER 05 :
And we all know someone like that. And frankly, I was someone like that for many years.
SPEAKER 06 :
Interesting, Debbie. Okay, so give us an overview of pivot.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, what happened, honestly, is that I sat down with a friend who I hadn't seen in years. I sat down with her about six months ago. And we started to just go through like what had happened to me in many, many years that had gone by. And I didn't realize that I kept on saying to her, and then I pivoted from that. And then I had to pivot from this. And then I had to pivot from that and move forward with God. And I realized that God had taught me how to pivot, how to pivot from grief, how to pivot from past childhood trauma, how to pivot from a divorce, how to pivot from my child going to prison at the age of 18, which was devastating, as you can imagine, for a mother. I mean, I had to pivot from all of these things because you know what the other choice was, Angie, is to stay a victim and to stay depressed and hopeless. and just caught up in my story that I would tell over and over and over again to anyone who would have a sympathetic ear, which is one of the signs that you have toxic problems with grief and resentment and the victim mentality when you keep on telling your story over and over again to get sympathy. It was like that was my comfort zone. I'll just tell my story. And then everyone would go, oh, that's so sad. And these things were horrible. Just so you know, and so your listeners can resonate with me, I was the victim of pretty awful ritual childhood sexual abuse for about 10 years from the age of about five to 15. I won't go into detail, but it was absolutely horrific by multiple people in a ritualistic kind of way. That was obviously hugely traumatic. And I defined myself as a victim for many decades after that. I went through a divorce after being married to a serial cheater. That was devastating. Like I said, my 18-year-old child went to prison. That broke my heart. When I approached some family members about my childhood abuse, when I finally got the courage to actually bring it out into the light when I was about 40, I was ridiculed and told that I was a devil for even bringing this up. That was heartbreaking. And then I remarried a wonderful man, a man of God, a pastor who died from COVID a couple of years ago. And so, yeah, I know what it is like to have deep trauma, deep grief. And yet I can say right now in all truthfulness, Angie, I am filled with joy and peace and an excitement for this next chapter of life that God has me in because I've chosen to pivot from the pain and from the past and to grab hold of God's hand and move forward with hopeful anticipation.
SPEAKER 06 :
And how long were you married to your second husband?
SPEAKER 05 :
We had 16 years.
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, wonderful.
SPEAKER 05 :
Just the most delightful man. I mean, God used him to just show me what it was like to be cherished by someone, and it was deeply healing. And then, you know, he's a pastor. We have hundreds, maybe thousands of people praying for him to be healed from COVID, and boom, it didn't happen. He was taken. And I'm telling you, the grief was... horrific you know when you really marry someone who you know you are linked together by god it's a god honoring marriage you become one you're like welded together and so for him to die it turned my world upside down briefly and i can tell you angie about four months into the grief process and i did grieve deeply i remember waking up one morning and i thought i think i'm going to slide into clinical depression i think this is what this feels like there's a big black hole here that's waiting to engulf me And it was at that moment that I just felt the Holy Spirit say, okay, you're done with grieving now. I want you to pivot forward. Grab hold of my hand. Your life isn't over. I have new adventures for you. And at first I'm like, what? Pivot forward? I don't think so. But I trusted him. And God is trustworthy. That is my story. He has led me forward as I just took hold of his hand, Angie. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us. In fact, the end of Matthew 28, where he's telling us to go make disciples of all the nations and all of that, right? But then he ends and he says, and surely I am with you always. And I grabbed hold of that. And that's what I hope listeners will grab hold of today. Grab hold of God's hand. He is with you. Yes, you might have suffered trauma. I certainly did. Maybe you've suffered tremendous grief or heartbreak. Maybe your husband cheated on you like my first husband did on me multiple times. And it's like, I don't have to let that define me. I get to boss around my emotions and say, that's not going to define me. I'm not going to let the devil win this battle and keep me oppressed and hopeless. I'm not going to listen to the whispered lies of the enemy anymore. I'm going to meditate on the truth of God's word that he says all things. God works together for good for those who love him. And that he's come to give me life and life in abundance. And all of those verses, I'm going to grab hold of the truth. And then I can move forward with hope and joy. And guess what, Angie? When I pivoted about four months after my husband died, and I said, okay, Lord, I'm going to trust you for this next season. Guess what? Immediately, unexpectedly, and actually unwelcome by me initially, he brought a widowed pastor into my life. And I felt the Holy Spirit saying, this is the next man I have for you. And I'm like, I don't think so. I just lost my husband. What are you saying? And yet I trusted God. And guess what? We're married now. And he is a wonderful man. I wouldn't have scripted my life this way. And how many listeners can resonate with that? Like, we think we're going to hand God the script. Here, God, follow my beautiful script for my life. And he's like, no, actually, I have a different plan for you. And it's going to be good, just different than what you expected, right?
SPEAKER 06 :
All right. So a couple of things come to mind. First of all, I love it that you said you get to boss around your emotions because a lot of us don't take that, you know, control, you know, and trust God on that journey. And then secondly, I have one other friend who is so much like you. And it's interesting because I didn't know. I mean, I had a really horrible upbringing, too. But that part about the hers was like satanic abuse, sexual abuse.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 06 :
and was too and so yeah and i just couldn't wrap my head around like how delightful she is and kind and loving and i'm like how what's your trick what's your secret what was your path what's your formula because how are you like this and the same thing it was devastating to me when she told me and we've been friends now gosh probably 30 years when she told me that she told her family and they didn't believe her so there were family events where her you know parents got divorced there were family events where she wanted to attend and couldn't because the mom was included because people didn't believe even though it happened to another sibling as well but that sibling was not going to talk to my girlfriend really anymore and not and not really address the fact that it happened so that sibling didn't cross out the parent
SPEAKER 05 :
That's such a common story, isn't that? Oh, excuse me, I just dropped my headphone out of my ear. That didn't work very well. That is such a common story, that family members will actually ridicule or shun the person who's coming forward to say, hey, I was abused. It's unbelievable. I honestly believe that that is more devastating than the initial abuse.
SPEAKER 06 :
I know that might sound like a strange statement. Oh, wow. No, but just the disappointment. You're expecting a big hug, not a big rejection and a poke with a stick.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes, it's like a double whammy. It's like, okay, this was done to me as a child, and now you're not defending me. Now you're not saying that that was wrong. That was so hurtful. And it took me a while to process that new trauma, that new pain. But God is so gracious. As we just lean on him and we start to walk through what it looks like to truly forgive, as we walk through what it looks like to let go of resentment and trust God. And actually, I started to ask God to give me compassion for my abusers, compassion for the people, the relatives who should have protected me. I started to ask God, give me compassion. Did they act out of their own will? personal issues where maybe they were scarred from their own childhood.
SPEAKER 06 :
And they don't want to address it?
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Usually it's the abused that end up abusing. So I asked God to just give me compassion, and I just trusted Him with it and said, Lord, I'm going to be kind to these people. I'm not going to act like what they did was fine, because obviously it wasn't, but I'm going to be kind, I'm going to be honoring, and I'm just going to trust you with the rest. And something else I learned to do, and you've probably heard about this before, But I committed to praying for them. I don't mean like pray that. I pray that they suffer greatly, not that kind of prayer. But I actually started to pray for them, that God would bless them, that God would speak identity to them, that God would lavish his love upon them. And that changed my heart. My heart was softer to them. God calls us to love our enemies, even our enemies. And it was freeing. It's such an odd dynamic, isn't it, Angie? Like you feel like This is flipped upside down, but often God's ways are seemingly upside down to us. But praying and loving and being kind to your enemies actually releases you from the prison of resentment. And it was huge for me.
SPEAKER 06 :
OK, the other thing that I wanted to that there are a couple of things that I I had never heard before, which is shocking because, you know, I've been doing this for 30 plus years. I've interviewed thousands of people, but I've never heard the part about repetitively telling your sob story because my mom will trap people. My my daughter, Faith, Faith and Hope, we were just recently with grandma and Faith would turn to me and she said she caught another one. And I said, oh, did she get one? And she'd have her walker parked near the entrance exit of like this museum where we were. And she will catch people. Now, granted, she's not going to tell the whole story to the person that she catches, you know, going in and out. But she starts talking to them, just a random stranger. Right. But if we're at a sporting event and she's sitting by a parent. She will trap them for that hour and a half game or whatever it is and talk at them nonstop. And somehow the topic will turn to her sob story. And I'm not lessening her pain by saying her sob story. No, I know what you mean. My kids don't even really know that much about her background except they've been told 20 times how her sister shoved her into a wall. They've been told 20 times how, you know, this thing happened with her dad. They've been told, you know what I mean, like, I mean, more than 20. Yeah. And so they've heard these stories, let's say 100 times. And so she'll say it again to my kids as if it's a brand new thing. And it's interesting because in some ways, in some ways, I feel like that she has. I emotionally abused my children, and I knew it at the time, right, because we've taken care of her for many years. So I said to the kids, like, this is kind of a form of emotional abuse. I know you understand Grandma now, but when they were younger, like, I felt some guilt over it because I'm like, she's putting her past on them in a really icky way. But as they got older, they started to understand her pain and her damage in a way that, like, they knew Grandma was a little bit kooky that she couldn't let go of things, you know, that she couldn't let things go.
SPEAKER 05 :
That's what she is. She has a victim mindset, which is very, very common. I had that, honestly, for like 20 years until someone actually looked at me, a godly woman, and said, She called me out. She said, you have victim mentality and you need to you need to get rid of that. And of course, I was like shocked and like, how dare you say that to me?
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, no, I want to say I want to come back to that. OK, so you have to take a break. But I want to come back to that when that person had the guts to say that because they had nothing to gain except to the truth and honesty, you know. And so we're talking about the book Pivot, how to break free from grief, heartbreak, past abuse and resentment with Debbie Chavez. We'll be right back with the good news.
SPEAKER 02 :
Colby, Kansas is listening to the mighty 670 KLT Denver.
SPEAKER 01 :
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SPEAKER 06 :
Hey there, welcome back to The Good News with Angie Austin. Debbie Chavez is joining us, and we are continuing our discussion on her book, Pivot, How to Break Free from Grief, Heartbreak, Past Abuse, and Resentment. I was telling Debbie that my poor sweet mom, because she is a sweet lady, but boy, that you could tell her that you've got a bouquet of daisies for her, and she will find something negative about that bouquet of daisies. There's no silver lining. She's always got to find the sliver that bothers her about any situation. Yeah. She's told my kids her, you know, story of her past abuse so many times. And I'm not lessening it, but Debbie had said for the first time that I'd heard that people who were in that victim mentality retell their story to get sympathy from people. And it can be complete strangers. And every time we'd go to my dad's family reunions on his side of the family, he had to retell the story to every one of his sisters and his brother. And like they were over it. They didn't want to hear it anymore. It's their brother, you know. And so, Debbie, you just said that someone actually confronted you on that. And I want to know how that went down, because it takes a lot of guts for someone to say, hey, you're stuck in victim mentality. And a lot of us would get mad. But she doesn't have anything to gain except really to help you in the long run.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes, and it was helpful. And again, I was outraged and aghast at the beginning when she said that. I thought, how dare you? Don't you know I've suffered so greatly?
SPEAKER 06 :
Yes, don't you know what I've been through?
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes. But I was, I guess, wise enough by that time to actually sit with the Holy Spirit and say, do I have that problem? And the Holy Spirit is so gentle and kind and gracious and merciful. And he did reveal to me, yes. And I started to realize that one of the signs of this toxic victim mentality is that you keep telling your story over and over and over again, because it's become your identity. And it's And let's be honest, it is comforting and wonderful when you have people expressing their empathy and sympathy. It's like better than eating a box of chocolate donuts. Oh, really? Is it? But, however, once you're done and they've walked away, you're left with that same old stinky victim mindset that is depressing and hopeless, and you have no joy in your life and no peace in your life, and you're just stuck there. And so when she told me that, I kind of woke up and said, Lord, help me to move forward and to stop telling this story. And literally now the only time I tell the story is, for instance, on this program where I'm just letting women know that, hey, I've gone through this. I understand you, but here's how God led me out of this pit. And so that's why I tell them that my story now is just testimony. But I don't tell it to anyone anymore because it isn't who I am. I will not let the devil keep me oppressed and depressed. It's like I refuse. I'm a very stubborn person. I refuse to let the enemy have the victory, and he has the victory when I keep struggling. stuck in that victim mindset where I'm hopeless and depressed. I have no peace. I have no joy. But boy, I got some sympathy from people as I tell my story over and over again. So if you can resonate with this, listeners, I'm urging you to ask the Holy Spirit to help you stop telling your story. Pivot from the past. Grab hold of God's hand and move forward into a new chapter of life with new adventures, new relationships, possibly new purpose, because you're not defined. You do not need to let the past define you. That's called kind of bossing around your emotions, not letting the past define you and the whispers of the enemy keep you oppressed.
SPEAKER 06 :
wow i um i don't i have done that with my mom but she hasn't it's kind of it is her identity um yeah so i don't know i i haven't really been too successful but she's she actually to be honest with you this last time she stayed with us because now my brother and i know we share the joy i call it you know we share the joy of grand grand so you keep her half the year i keep her half the year so when she came back this last time I told her, I'm like, look, if you want to help the kids with their chores, like if you want to do the dishes for them or you want to help them with your laundry, you are more than welcome to do that. But you cannot complain about it. So please do not help them if you're going to complain to me all day the next day about everything you did for them and how ungrateful they are. I'm like, please just let them do their own chores. They do them the six months you're not here. They're perfectly capable of doing them. So please do not help them if you're going to complain. And she didn't complain this time. and also she wasn't as angry this time and i told her i'm like this is the legacy you're leaving behind if you get that angry these kids like if they leave a backpack by the front door and you scream at them with complete rage i say she's on a rage roller coaster because she really is a sweet lady but she finds someone underneath her with less power to really take her anger on it could be someone delivering something to my house that she feels like oh well they're delivering something to my daughter so i can really let them have it or someone that's cleaning, cleaning my house or taking care of my kids. Oh, they're doing this for, you know, my daughter. So I'm above them. So I can really take it out on them or my children. It's never someone in a position of power. It's always someone that she quote unquote has power over. And so she unleashes her rage on them. And I'm thankful that my kids are pretty well adjusted and they understand how grandma is. But I have to admit, and I told her, because I probably don't give her credit where credit's due enough, but I'm like, Mom, you've really been so much more enjoyable this time you've stayed with us. It's really been fun. You've been so much less angry and you're not lashing out at the kids and you're not complaining all the time. And she said she's really been trying to work on it. And I think in her 80s that she's... Well, let's go ahead and just go through some of the things that you teach people in Pivot because I think a lot of people are stuck in this. So you write about these deep personal wounds you had and how you overcame the impact. So what do you teach people to do to do the same?
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, and it's all in the book. There's so much to go through. I go step by step. It's really almost like a study that you could do kind of slowly, like how to release that toxic resentment, how to carry out biblical forgiveness, how to recognize the lies of the enemy that he is whispering to you, and then to take every thought captive, right? We're told in 2 Corinthians 10, 5, to take every thought captive. So I do that now because I know the enemy is after every one of us, whispering little lies. Like, you're unlovable. No one really likes you. You're stupid. You'll never get over this. Oh, he loves to whisper. You'll never get over this. And I take those thoughts captive. And I say, no, that is not true. I boss around my feelings. And then I say, no, I'm going to stand on the truth of God. And what is the truth of God? Well, I recite some of those verses. Gosh, right after my divorce, I memorized Psalm 103, where he says that he redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with love and compassion. It's like, yes, this is the truth. And as I meditate on that, the truth of the Lord, and I take to heart Philippians 4, 8, when thoughts come to my mind that are negative, I'm like, no, I'm going to dwell on whatever is noble and true and right and pure and lovely. I'm going to dwell on those things. It changes my entire perspective, my entire attitude. And I love Isaiah 43, 18 and 19. That is kind of my signature verse for pivoting. Let me just recite this juicy one for you. It's delicious. Isaiah 43, 18 and 19. Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it? Isn't that the best verse? It's like, no matter what, trauma hit you in the past, a divorce, your husband cheating on you, death in the family, whatever it is. My son went to prison. I mean, these are horrific things, but you know what? God was not flabbergasted by any of those things. God didn't say, oh no, what in the world can I do to make this right? It's like, no. If we trust in the Lord, which I do with all my heart, and we grab hold of his hand, he says, this is not too difficult for me. I've got a plan to redeem absolutely everything just pivot from the past, take hold of my hand and move forward. And that's really the key is letting go of the past. And I have to kick my butt, kick myself in the butt sometimes to like, stop thinking about the past, move forward, ask God to open up my eyes to new patterns, new adventures, new relationships. And I am telling you, despite all the junk that's happened to me and the grief and the heartbreak and the trauma, I have deep, joy and excitement in this season of life, because God is not done writing my story. And listeners, he's not done writing your story either. There are new chapters to explore with him.
SPEAKER 06 :
Now, with your son, I mean, we don't have to go into specifics, but was he in the household with you when you were in your victim mentality and he was with your first husband? Because two of my four kids in our family, two went down the road. One was murdered, One was in and out of jail, not prison. And he's currently in kind of a mental health facility. And then my other brother graduated near the top of his class at West Point Military Academy. And then I put myself through high school and college working seven days a week. And then my first job was at NBC in L.A. So he and I did well. And then we're the two, of course, that take care of our mother now. I have probably. I mean, really, my mom is like my kid, to be honest with you. And I've taken care of her since I was, we started her retirement account when I was 19, I think. You know, me putting money in her retirement account. She still draws on it in her 80s, the money I started putting away as a teenager with my brother for her. I mean, it's so unusual that, you know, the way that we kind of thought she needed to be taken care of. anyway with that said um so do you think the upbringing because my my brothers were with my alcoholic abusive dad and my mom and her victim you know mode so she doesn't really step in you know when something's going on in the house like letting the kids smoke pot or whatever she's not going to step in she's if he says here you you should too and then oh oh i should okay well if you and the kids are doing it of course i should too you know what i mean like there's no like hey i'm the mom let's not do this because she didn't feel she had any power So with that said, do you think that impacted him? I'm not putting blame, by the way.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, sure. Oh, sure. I mean, when you grow up in a dysfunctional household, it definitely impacts you. And that's why I have compassion on all sorts of people who are acting out. Me too. They come from brokenness. Yes.
SPEAKER 06 :
Me, too. Oh, yes.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes. They should stay stuck there. But yes, I have compassion. And, you know, I'm still praying for him that he's going to get completely healed by the Lord and completely turn around. And there are little baby steps forward here and there. But we all have that choice. Right. And who are we going to believe the whispers of the lies or or the Holy Spirit saying, I have a plan for you. And it's a good plan for a hope and a future, right, from Jeremiah 29. Like, I believe that. And so I can take a step forward with God's help to move into that instead of dwelling on all the hurts from the past.
SPEAKER 06 :
you know, my brother that, um, I'm the only one that has any contact with him. He calls me probably every, you know, every few months he'll leave me a message or reach out. He doesn't have a phone, but he, um, and sometimes he's in different institutions and sometimes he's heavily drugged. So it's, he's very difficult to, um, have a conversation with. And then other times he's semi almost normal, but I tell his son cause his son's in his mid twenties. He's a scientist. He's very smart. And I've always been very close with his son. And, um, And we still have, you know, a relationship. And from time to time, I'll say, you know, it's not his fault, you know, the way he is. I know that you don't, you kind of act like he's dead. But, you know, forgive him for you because, you know, my dad did the same thing to me. And forgiveness really helps you kind of move on from it. And my dad, actually, we did reconcile after about 35 years. And he ended up being a really fantastic grandfather again. and he was a grandfather to my nephew too because i said to him you know hey you know roy had a kid and um he he's not in his life but you know he's really outstanding he's super bright and uh he's being raised by a single mom and uh and he reached out to him too so he saw me all the kids saw me forgive my dad and by the way my kids didn't even know i had a father because i never had a bad thing to say about him because i didn't have anything to say about him right so i'd say at about eight my son said you know do you have a dad and i'm like oh yeah actually you know so you know they had no clue so they i think the three of them met him around maybe my 10 8 7 something like that and then they you know had a great relationship with him i want to make sure people can find the book because you said there's so many steps in pivot how to break free from grief heartbreak past abuse and resentment debbie chavez what's the best way for people to reach you
SPEAKER 05 :
Just go on Amazon, type in Debbie Chavez, and it should pop up, or Debbie Chavez Pivot. I learned that there are a thousand books named Pivot, so don't just type in that. Just type in Debbie Chavez in Amazon, and it'll pop right up. and get a hold of it because I go through so much about like how to set up boundaries if you do need boundaries with someone in your life, but how to use boundaries appropriately and how to do it biblically, what it really looks like to execute biblical forgiveness, which is not always reconciliation, but it is biblical forgiveness, how to get rid of resentment, how to detect lies of the enemy, all of those things that will help you move forward and actually find the joy and the peace and the healthier relationships that God wants you to enjoy.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, Debbie, thank you so much. What a blessing to have you. And I just saw that we also have the, I was a news anchor for many years, and I see you were as well. So we'll definitely have to have you on again to talk about all of that. Thanks, Debbie.
SPEAKER 05 :
Wonderful. Yes, blessings to you and your listeners.
SPEAKER 03 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
In this episode of The Good News, Angie Austin teams up with Jim Stovall to unpack the concept of money measurements. Angie and Jim highlight the prevalent issues of financial illiteracy, offering listeners a roadmap to overhaul their personal finance strategies. They tackle the startling statistic that a majority of Americans have less than $1,000 in savings and emphasize the criticality of an emergency fund. Gain insights into the complexities of Social Security benefits and the importance of making informed choices to ensure a secure retirement. Later, Angie welcomes Grace Fox to the show to discuss spiritual fortitude. The conversation draws parallels between the steadfastness of starfish clinging to pilings and the human experience of holding onto faith through life’s storm. Grace provides thoughtful guidance on cultivating a resilient relationship with God. Tune in for a diverse episode that merges practical financial strategies with insightful spiritual advice aimed at enriching your life holistically.
SPEAKER 02 :
Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here's Angie.
SPEAKER 04 :
Hello there. It's Angie Austin and Jim Stovall with The Good News. And we are talking about his weekly column. And this week it is titled Money Measurements. Welcome, Jim.
SPEAKER 03 :
Hey, great to be with you as always.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love money measurements. Riley bought a car last night on his own and paid cash. And he was so proud of himself. He, of course, it wasn't a new car. But, you know, he came home and he had the bill of sale and the pink slip. And, you know, it was like figuring out how to get temporary plates and everything. And then as he was leaving, because he was heading back up to college, it's like an hour away to CU Boulder. And he said to him, mom isn't that cool though like I did it all by myself like I didn't even like see it until he drove it home and so and he'd done the VIN thing he researched that he found out that it was in California and that even though it's old it had really low mileage and we found out it was some little old lady in Beverly Hills who had a driver that drove her around in this old Lexus sedan and so I was like wow when I saw when they do the Carfax thing you can see how much mileage is on it and I'm like Oh, my gosh, over the course of 20 years, she only put on 40,000 miles on this car. You know, I was like, what the heck? Because I didn't believe him at first. I'm like, there's no way that car has that low of mileage. But anyway, just his pride in himself for doing it on his own. It was very cute.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, and it's so good. I mean, he's found one of the keys to building wealth is paying cash for automobiles. Automobiles are the most expensive things that we buy. They go down in value. Obviously, you buy a home, but it will go up and repay you for making the purchase. But as you know, I've done a book and now we're doing a movie about Will Rogers. And he said in 1931 that America will go down in history as the only nation to go to the poorhouse in an automobile. And it's true. I mean, you know, it's just when you see people that, you know, they have these now seven and eight year car loans and they trade cars every two or three years. It's just staggering to see what they do. And, you know, Riley found the key to success there, which is, hey –
SPEAKER 04 :
let somebody else take that hit and then buy the car and you know i think it's depreciated enough because it is over 20 years old and it's a it's a it's a lexus it's like a brand you know that we really trust we've had in fact we've got a couple of old lexuses over 20 years old um but anyway um they're really solid cars i think he already the depreciation is like pretty much done like if he sold it in a few years i think he could probably get you know about the same out of it since the mileage is fairly low for a car like that And when you talk about people going to the poorhouse in their vehicles, one of my relatives lives in a trailer home, you know, for seniors. Like, it's a nice trailer park where seniors, you have to be over a certain age to live there. Anyway, when I drive around, I'd say, like, every fourth trailer, the car is worth more than the trailer. So their car is literally worth more than their home.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, yeah. That can happen. But yeah, you get to a point in, you know, Crystal and I, we drove around in the Green Dog, the famous $300 Pontiac that I paid too much money for. And we drove around until we could pay cash for a Mercedes. And it was not a new one. It was 10 years old when we bought it. And we drove it 10 years.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love it.
SPEAKER 03 :
And sold it for more than we paid for it.
SPEAKER 04 :
See, those older cars, you can't actually do a few improvements on them and flip them and you don't necessarily lose money on them.
SPEAKER 03 :
It's amazing. It is amazing.
SPEAKER 04 :
We had the Green Gremlin. It was a rental. Sometimes, you know, when you get your car fixed, if you're not going to the dealership, they're not giving you like a new Lexus to drive. We got this old van. It was the ugliest van I've ever seen in my life. The kids were embarrassed to be seen in it. They wouldn't allow us to drop them off in front of a school. And I thought it was so funny because then, of course, they wanted to embarrass them and give their friends rides home in the Green Gremlin because we had it for like a month. Oh, it was hideous, the Gremlin. I love it. All right. So what are you teaching us in money measurements this week?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, the thing we measure is the thing that moves, no matter what it is. I mean, if you want to lose weight, you start by figuring out how much do you weigh now. If you want your GPA up, you need to figure what's my grade point average right now. And the same thing happens with money. People tell me, I want to get out of debt. And I ask, how much debt are you in? Well, I don't know for sure. Well, the first step is to figuring out how much debt you're in or building it. And this column was prompted by a study that the federal government just put out saying that 60% of Americans do not have $1,000 in savings. 60% of Americans do not have $1,000 in savings.
SPEAKER 04 :
Oh, my gosh.
SPEAKER 03 :
And that is a frightening thought because, as you know, Angie, I'm a big advocate of having an emergency fund. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, a $1,000 emergency is not a surprise, whether it's your car or your refrigerator or the roof leaking or whatever it may be. Or you've got to go to urgent care. I mean, $1,000 is nothing these days. And to think you're running around without that. You know, and to me, we started out in the green dog days in poverty. We really did. And it was tough. But the most valuable thing we have now from our wealth is not the cars and the houses and the jets and all those things. Those are convenience. The greatest thing I have is I don't worry about money anymore. If something starts leaking or smoking or making a weird noise, the only question I have is, which guy do we call on this? Who do we call on here? And they come and they fix it. And it's an inconvenience, but it's no longer this, wow, you get this pain in the pit of your stomach and you So I really, really always want to encourage people to know where you are financially. I mean, money is the least important thing in our lives, but it affects everything that is important. I mean, having a bunch of dirty paper with pictures of dead presidents really isn't worth much. It's only worth something in relationship to what it can do for us. I mean, it can take care of your parents or it can send your kids to school or all those things. And so it's not important on its own, but it affects everything that is important. And if we're going to get where we want to go, we've got to figure out where we are, and we've got to start measuring it. You've got to start keeping score. You want to win the game, you keep score.
SPEAKER 04 :
I always kind of suck my breath in and go, like, I can't believe it when you tell me things about, you know, 60% of Americans having less than a thousand in savings. But when my mom worked in a factory and we lived in low-income housing, I remember like if the car needed repair, that might be like every cent we had in our account, you know, to get the Buick repaired or whatever. And so I did grow up like that. And even with my dad being a professor, when I did live, you know, with him until I was about 12. even he you know had issues with clearing out the bank account to the point where because he drank a lot um that you know we wouldn't have enough money for groceries one week or something like that so i definitely grew up in an environment like that so i don't know why i'm so shocked that People don't have these emergency funds because that's how I grew up. But the idea of not having one myself gives me such anxiety that I couldn't live like that. It would make me too uncomfortable with my life. I wouldn't be able to enjoy my life.
SPEAKER 03 :
Oh, it's horrible. And then one of the most valuable things most people have, since they haven't saved anything on their own, is their social security benefits. And there's an amazing book I'm going to recommend to your listeners. And I did not write it. I have nothing to do with it. It's called Get What's Yours. and it's put out by several economists, and it's how to get the most out of Social Security. And there are literally hundreds of different ways to take your Social Security. I'm a certified financial planner. I've been in the financial realm my whole life, and there was just a ton of stuff I didn't know. But so many people leave literally hundreds of thousands of dollars on the table throughout their retirement because they don't know how to maximize this benefit. And I can promise you no one at Social Security is going to help you. You know, you have to do it on your own. And I highly recommend this book, Get What's Yours. I read it when we got to be at the age where you start thinking about it. And it's really rather amazing. And there's a thing, you know, one of the big mistakes, people take it too early. You can take it at 62, but you limit the benefit you get for so long. But some people are afraid, well, if I wait... maybe I'll have some illness or have some emergency and I'll need that money. There's an amazing thing I had never heard about until I read this book and I checked it out on Social Security. They call it a mulligan. And you can say, well, I know I was going to wait until I was 70, but I now have an illness or there's a crisis in my family. I've changed my mind. I want to back it up. and they will pay you back all your benefits in cash all the way back to when you're 62. And the other way, if you say, wow, I screwed up and I took it early and I wish I'd waited, you can say, I want to change it. Now you have to pay that money back. But it's pretty amazing what you can do if you know how to take the benefit. And I just had a friend of mine, he was going broke and he's on Social Security. He had not planned, he had not saved, he had not done anything. And his His late spouse worked, even though they were divorced. I found this deal in there. He could get a divorced late spousal benefit, and it went up 60%. I mean, it's like getting a 60% raise all at once just because you knew to pick up the phone and call him and tell him. You know, it's an amazing thing.
SPEAKER 04 :
My dad was a professor. And when he passed away, I told my mom, I'm like, because she was only getting, I think, $700 a month because she'd worked in factories. And so anyway, I said, you know, we just need to get, you know, dad's death certificate, your marriage certificate, your divorce decree, you know, these things. And Then we take it into Social Security and it more than doubled what she makes. It might have even tripled what she took in, you know, per month. And I think a lot of people aren't aware of that. And so I said to the guy, I'm like, so because they're married 20 years. I said, so they only had to be married 10 years. And he said, yeah. And I said, because he's got another wife he was married to for, you know, 30 some odd years. And I said, so if he had five wives for 10 years each, then all five wives would collect the Social Security money. And he said, yep. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is so crazy. But does he recommend, and I love the mulligan, I didn't even know about that. Does he recommend waiting to take the benefit? Because I was just talking with someone about this recently saying, well, you can invest all that money, all that time, rather than them keeping the money, you take the lower amount at 62 or whatever, and then you start investing that money so you can grow it more.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, you can do it either way. You just need to do it on purpose. If you take it early, you know, it grows at about – your benefit's going to be about an 8% return until you're 70. Now, if you feel like you can invest in the market and after taxes get an 8% return, you know, it can pay off. But for most people, waiting is probably better. Unfortunately, it's most people – they don't do that. They take it early and spend every nickel of it. And then they, they stick themselves with the lower amount from there on. And, you know, and that's what's, and then there are people, you know, when I first looked at this, the spousal thing blew me away because Crystal had not worked other than for me when we were really young and she didn't have enough quarters and she was like seven quarters short. So, uh, you know, a year and nine months short. So I put her on my payroll. She helps me on the weekends and evenings with my You know, my emails and all this stuff, and I put her on my payroll. And so she gets the seven quarters. Well, she will take it at her normal time and take it up until I'm 70. Then she'll switch to my spousal. That one little thing, because I read this book, is $48,000. All right. All right, I have a question about that.
SPEAKER 04 :
When you say take your spousal, so you're married, how does that work when she takes – that increases what she makes if she goes by what you make?
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes, yes. It's now calculated as my spouse instead of what she earned on her own. And even getting a lesser amount, my income is higher, so she was able to get that. And that's – like I said, it's $48,000, and we – we, you know, that's money we give to the scholarship, but you know, that'll send the kid to college for a while. And it's really, you know, and like I always tell people, anytime $48,000 don't matter to you, you make that check out to Jim Stovall.
SPEAKER 04 :
So you can put another kid through school.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, absolutely. It's all great. But you know, there's a benefit sitting there that you need to manage properly. And most people never even think about it. And it's, Wow, ignorance is very expensive.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love that. All right, jimstovall.com and the book, it's a little green book, Get What's Yours, the tips to maximizing your payout on Social Security. Thank you, Jim.
SPEAKER 03 :
Thank you.
SPEAKER 06 :
Trinidad is listening to the Mighty 670 KLT.
SPEAKER 01 :
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SPEAKER 04 :
Hey there, friend, Angie Austin and Grace Fox with the good news. We're talking about her fresh hope for today, devotions for joy on the journey. And today we are talking about clinging to God. Hey, Grace, how are you?
SPEAKER 06 :
I'm good this morning, Angie. Thanks so much for having me on the show again.
SPEAKER 04 :
Still living in bliss on your boat in Vancouver?
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, I'm still living on the boat. I don't know that I'd call it bliss because I just did talk last. We had a cold spell. So the big Arctic front came in and swept down over us and things froze over. So we had ice on the river and we'd lay in bed at night and hear this thunk scrape across the hall. And that's the way life looked for about five days. But today is much better. The weather has warmed up. The ice is gone. The sun is shining again. And it's it's looking much more hopeful.
SPEAKER 04 :
So when it gets that cold and you've got ice hitting against the hull, I'm assuming you can't sleep that well on those nights.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, yeah, it depends on how fast the current is going on the river, because if it's very slow, then the ice will just kind of sit there. But if the current is going faster, that's when it really picks up those ice chunks and then it really scrapes and bangs. So Yeah, it just depends on what's going on outside as to how we sleep at night. But it'll never, our fiberglass is so thick that it'll never hit hard enough to blow a hole in the side of the hull. But there are some wooden boats down here and I fear for them.
SPEAKER 04 :
Now, are you, pardon me, are you out like, I don't know the terminology, but are you on like a rope that's anchored out in a bay or are you at a dock?
SPEAKER 05 :
We're at a dock and a slip tied up to the dock.
SPEAKER 04 :
OK, OK. All right. Well, that would that would make me feel, I think, a little more comfortable. But since you do have a boat that you're not worried about it being like the Titanic and sinking, then I guess that takes some of the worry away. We also had that Arctic blast and we I think where we were for a volleyball tournament in northeastern Colorado, I think it was thirty one below one more. one morning and so i've got the i've got the sneezes and so yeah the windchill factor was probably 50 below i don't know but it felt it felt pretty chilly so i wasn't a fan of that but thankfully i wasn't out um you know on a boat in the river yeah we didn't have minus 30 or minus 40 but for us in the vancouver area it got down to about minus 12 but that would be
SPEAKER 06 :
centigrade don't ask me to do the math off the top of my head on that but but i know that's below zero here and that's cold for where we are i grew up in alberta where minus 40 was typical for winter and it was that again during that arctic blast so i was very grateful when i'd go to bed at night i'd say thank you jesus because we have a diesel furnace and we had three space heaters all running at the same time just to keep it warm enough for being comfortable inside but but we had that and for that i was grateful
SPEAKER 04 :
Burr, burr, burr. Okay, so yeah, I was wondering how you kept warm space heaters. All right, so you were clinging to God during those five cold nights with the ice brushing up against the boat. So let's talk about this devotion, cling to God.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, so that idea came because once, it would have been about a year after we got our boat, we took it down to the southern tip of Vancouver Island where we went to go visit family at one point. And during that time, I saw as the tide went out, we could see more of the pilings as the water level went down. And on the pilings one morning, there were purple starfish, like clusters of purple starfish. They were stunning. They were absolutely stunning. And they were all different sizes. So there were, I would say, the grown-up starfish and then the baby starfish. And The little ones are just so cute, but all of them were clinging to the pilings. And I thought, wow, even as the water goes down, they don't just lose their grip and float along with the water. They stay firmly stuck to those pilings because they choose to basically, you know, whatever, however their little brain works, they were choosing to cling to those pilings. And that's how life is for us too. We need to choose what we're going to cling to. And if we choose to something that's going to give way, we're going to give way with it. But if we choose to cling to something that will stand fast and firm, and that would be our God, then we too can be steadfast, even when everything else around us gives way.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love that. I love that the visuals that you give with these. And I think so many times we're so discombobulated that we forget to cling to God, that it doesn't come as naturally for us as that starfish visual.
SPEAKER 06 :
That's right. So we have to be intentional about it. But here's the thing, Angie, is if we get into a situation where things around us are falling apart and we haven't made a practice of clinging to God, then it's going to be hard for us to just suddenly get to that place. And so that's why it's important to develop that lifestyle and that practice of focusing on God and loving him and making him our focus throughout the day so that when we When the tough stuff happens, when those things start falling away, we are in that place of clinging to God. We're not left high and dry going, oh, no, what are we going to do now? But we are prepared because we've been prepping ourselves over time.
SPEAKER 04 :
I love that. Now, in terms of, you know, clinging to God for you, you know, you and your husband being in ministry and, you know, your kids were raised Christians and you spent a lot of quality time together. And now the grandkids and all that time you get together. Do you how do you teach that to like your grandkids or how how did you do that in your life when maybe it wasn't so easy?
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah. With my grandkids, the ones that I see most often, and I had them here on the boat for three days out of the past ten, four-year-old and two-year-old in particular, they're just little. And so what I do with them, just to help them understand how much God loves them and how he's there for them and on their side, is I look for those little teachable moments. And so there was one moment when... We were walking down the dock and saw four ducks. And we were discussing just how God made them so that they can float on that water that is so icy cold. Why do these birds float on the water? Because they're happy. I don't get it. But God made their feathers that way. He made them so that they can tolerate that cold. And so... We talked about how God, he made them with beaks of certain shape, too, and how he made woodpeckers with a beak of different shape because they need a pointy beak because they hammer on the sides of a tree, you know, to get to the bugs inside. And we just had great conversations. Like, well, how did they get the bugs out? And how did they eat them? And, you know, we just talked about God's masterful creation. And then we just, I can automatically turn that conversation to, and he made you special, too. Did you know how much he loves you? Do you have any idea that he is crazy in love with you? And they look at me and they go, yeah, grandma. You know, that's so fun. So it's not like sitting down and having this long formal teaching session. It's just looking for the teachable moments and directing their thoughts to the Lord and to spiritual truths.
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, I love it that, you know, you put these sections in your devotions and there's the, you know, pause, ponder, pray. And then I love the quote from the book, which I want to go over. But when in the ponder section, you say, to what are you clinging for security? And for myself, I know that having grown up poor and without a solid family and low-income housing and brothers who were using drugs. My dad had abandoned us. We barely had any contact, I'd say, for 35 years. And my mom working in a factory and not very educated, so I couldn't really lean on her for advice about college and school and life. She just wasn't the person that I leaned on. We were more like siblings. So I think I... I have been clinging to a self of a sense of independence that I was kind of an island that I only I could protect me from bad surroundings. And then secondly, finances that I've always been really careful with my finances because I didn't want to be poor again. I didn't like that feeling of insecurity. And so I think these are things that I have been that I have throughout my life. clung to for security. And then I guess creating my own family, you know, that was more secure for my kids and for me, too, for that matter. They had created, you know, a secure family where I knew what we weren't going to get a divorce. I knew the kids would continue to have parents and, you know, things like that.
SPEAKER 06 :
Those are great observations, Angie. And I wonder how many listeners out there can just say, yeah, I can relate to that. Because it is our tendency, I think it's our human bent to cling to things that we can touch and see and be a part of every day. But God is invisible. And so it might be a little bit harder then for us, especially not raised in a Christian upbringing, to understand what it means to cling to God. But in the day and age that we live, it's just so important to understand that all that other stuff can just fall away at any given moment. And what's going to happen if we're clinging to something that's not eternal? We will be disappointed. And so there's nothing wrong with ensuring that your kids have a good family. It's everything right about that. Everything's right about that. And being intentional about that. And being intentional with being a wise steward of your finances. God wants us to be that way. But to absolutely cling, to put all of our hope in,
SPEAKER 04 :
god because he will never go away he will never disappoint or let us down i i think about too like one of my daughters is named faith and how it is that belief or trust in god that's not well that that's without proof per se you know or that you can't touch you can't see i guess would be a better way to explain it you know that it's something that you have within you but there's not necessarily like um you know something solid in front of you that you can see that proves your faith and many of us have had feelings over the years and of course we have the bible and books like yours to help us in that path but we have to have some of that faith regardless of what we see around us
SPEAKER 06 :
That's what faith is all about, isn't it?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 06 :
Trusting in things unseen. That's a mystery of it.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yes, it is. I wanted to read, too, you've got Jennifer Rothschild's book, God is Just Not Fair, Finding Hope When Life Doesn't Make Sense. And the quote is, if God allows you to wrestle with him, it's not so there will be a winner and a loser. He doesn't need to prove he's stronger and you are weaker. No, the point of wrestling with God is to give you an opportunity to cling to him. God wants you to hang on to him no matter what, and the result will be a blessing. I love that.
SPEAKER 06 :
Isn't that good? Some people will say, well, what is the point of suffering? If God really loved me, why would he allow this hard thing in my life? And there are so many things for which we don't have answers this side of heaven. But we can know this one thing for sure, that when he allows suffering, it's not that he's out to get us or anything like that, but that he's giving us that opportunity to get to know him in a deeper way. Because if in our pain and sorrow and grief and discomfort, we turn to him and we say, what is it you're trying to teach me through this? He will answer and he will show us more of himself and show us more eternal truths that we can live by. we will grow deeper and stronger and more steadfast in him as a result of suffering.
SPEAKER 04 :
And in the prayer section you talk about, it says, God, loosen my grip on anything that prevents me from clinging to you as my sole source of wisdom, strength, joy, and peace. So is it okay, do you think, Grace, for me to have those things that I also count on or lean on or want to make sure that I have, like, you know, the family and the financial security and things like that. But above all, you know, to focus more on getting my, you know, clinging to God for my peace and security and those other things can be there, but be secondary.
SPEAKER 06 :
Absolutely. And it's like saying, God, thank you for my family. And thank you for the financial security that you've given me. And thank you that I have a marriage that gives my kids a sense of security and whatnot. But I just leave all of these things in an open hand because I love you more. I love you more. But thank you for these gifts. I appreciate them.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, if people want to find you, Fresh Hope for Today, Devotions for Joy on the Journey, you can pretty much get your book anywhere on Amazon. I know I got a copy. I think it was a Kindle version, too. And then, of course, you've sent me copies. And you can also go to GraceFox.com. Thank you, Grace.
SPEAKER 06 :
You bet. Have a great day.
SPEAKER 04 :
You, too.
SPEAKER 02 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
Denise Schick discusses her devotional 'Moving Forward in Hope', designed for families of LGBTQ+ loved ones, with host Angie Austin. Listen as they explore themes of faith, acceptance, and personal growth. Discover how to support loved ones while finding solace in shared experiences and the power of community.
SPEAKER 07 :
welcome to the good news with Angie Austin now with the good news here's Angie hello there friend Angie Austin here with the good news really excited about today's topic and today's author Cindy McMenamin she is the author of the new loneliness nurturing meaningful connections when you feel isolated welcome Cindy hi it's great to be with you today okay so i talk all the time about the harvard happiness study that's going on for decades and the biggest indicator of happiness is connections relationships family and so for the last year i've really been finding those old connections like my best friend in high school i've seen her now twice in a year like cousins i'm close to that maybe i don't see enough and then um i went to another high school i moved a lot and um and i found those best friends and i see them and i just it's so wonderful and so i love the topic of this so give us kind of an overview about the new loneliness uh nurturing meaningful connections when you feel isolated give us kind of you know a synopsis okay well loneliness has always been with us and it always will be as long as we're
SPEAKER 05 :
searching for something outside the realm of what God has already made available to us. But there's this new loneliness that I refer to, and that's a deeper ache we feel from our reliance on technology, the diminishing element of human interaction and touch that's happened as we continue with a lot of our post-COVID isolation habits. Social media is supposed to make us feel more connected. That's the whole idea of But we can feel less connected as we scroll through people's highlight reels and we think, wow, this is not going on. I'm lonely. I'm not out there doing all of this. And we've been told AI is a great help, but it's another alternative to human interaction and human compassion. and human touch so that new loneliness people are feeling today is even greater than it was prior to covet than it was maybe 10 years ago before we were so in front of our devices maybe sometimes even more in front of people
SPEAKER 07 :
You know, I think about I've got teenagers and I think about when I was a teenager and like being on my, you know, middle school friends bed, you know, with my feet up on the wall and she had to do all the laundry for her brothers, which I was like, oh, what? to rip off like why aren't they doing the laundry because you're a girl you know and so I'd have my feet up on the wall and I'd be like you know just or sometimes I'd be doodling or whatever but what we were doing was talking and laughing and cracking jokes and then her mom would come in and tell us to be quiet and then we'd tell her something outrageous and she'd be like you girls and you don't you dare do that and so it's all like conversation you know and just like giggling and laughing and i still when i talk to her or i'm on facebook with her i still feel that connection of the hilarity like that that and same with my best friend from high school like when we met we laughed and she told me stories i didn't remember and it was because we didn't have the new loneliness because we actually were conversing with each other and i think about my kids when their friends come over there they all have their devices and in general they're on their devices
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes. I looked into a lot of studies that have been done on this and today's typical teenagers spend a Friday night in their room on their device in group chat, but they're not rubbing shoulders with one another. They're doing things. And while they said that they take less risks today, they're also growing up less independent, less responsible, more scared. It's just, It's really amazing the impact of being on screens. And a study even found, a study of adults, found that more people used a social media site or several, the more they used it, the lower their mental health and life satisfaction at the next time they were assessed. And so there is something to be said about what you said earlier, connecting with people that you know, going to a deeper level. Because the U.S. Surgeon General declared, let's see, May in 2023, this new epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it stated that continued isolation or failure to connect at a deeper emotional level with others is leading to a 50% greater chance of dementia, a 60% greater chance of premature death. That is a serious health statistic.
SPEAKER 07 :
That is scary, but it makes sense to me. I have a friend that does Meals on Wheels, and he talks about it's more than the nourishment of the body. It's the nourishment of the mind and the soul of life. Just, you know, maybe that's the only person that that person that's kind of a shut in getting their meals on wheels delivered. And it's funny. He was an attorney in the military and he had like a big career. And when he retired, his family laughed. His kids were like, he's not really retiring. Like he's just going to full time, you know, volunteer now. And he works with Special Olympics. He coaches. So his whole life is around that. this nurturing of, you know, people's souls and, you know, that new loneliness. He's trying to keep some of these elderly people healthy by, it's more important, I think, to, you know, be their friend, to connect with them so they have someone. Also, they don't have anyone in some cases that if they fall, et cetera, they might be alone for a week if it weren't for the Meals on Wheels guy. Yeah.
SPEAKER 05 :
Right. And we were created to live in community, not to isolate. And in that U.S. Surgeon General report, it said that that failure to connect with other people just socially and at a deeper emotional level was not just emotionally and mentally unhealthy, but it was physically unhealthy. It was comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Oh. So it is impacting our physical health that much. and not have close connections in our lives.
SPEAKER 07 :
You know, talk about your experience, because I know you've written a lot of books, not quite 20, but you're up there.
SPEAKER 06 :
Exactly.
SPEAKER 07 :
So talk about your experience with loneliness that, you know, obviously you have to have something that prompts you to write all these books, and in this case, The New Loneliness, what spurred you on, what gave you the passion to write this book?
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, there were a couple of factors. First of all, I wrote my bestselling book 22 years ago called When Women Walk Alone. And that was all about the alone times in our lives, you know, and how we can draw closer to God through them. And at that time, I felt alone in different areas as a pastor's wife, as a young mom, just as a person who felt that maybe people don't understand how I feel. And so while that information in that book is still relevant today, I I met with my publisher the day after this U.S. Surgeon General Health Alert came out on the new epidemic of loneliness. And my publisher had asked, if you were to write When Women Walk Alone today, would you write it any differently? And I said, absolutely, because there was no social media back when I wrote that book. There was no post-COVID isolation habit. There was no ultra-reliance on our devices. Women... And men, too, in some ways are so much more feeling alone and lonely today than they used to be. And then another aspect of that, as I began thinking about writing this and researching and talking to other people, is that I realized as much of an extrovert and a people person that I am, I was doing a whole lot less in-person interaction with others. And my daughter even told me one day, Mom, you don't have any friends anymore. And I said, what do you mean? I have tons of friends. She goes, I'm not just talking about your writing clients and the people you meet within ministry and stuff. Friends, do you go out and do anything with anybody? Do you have any more lunch appointments that are not business related? Do you just have somebody to talk to when you're lonely? And I thought, well, you know, I talked to God. And yet I realized what she was saying is true because we can become so busy and And if you work at home like I do and you're on the computer a lot, that can take the place of, you know, we can become so productivity-oriented that we prioritize productivity over people. And I didn't realize that's what I was doing. And I had to start being intentional about reconnecting with people like you said you did, people you knew long ago. people you were close to at one point, but busyness or just that idea that we have everything we need in front of us on our screen was just kind of being a distraction or an obstacle to maintaining and developing those relationships. And then another side note of what happened, I learned as I was writing this book, I learned that my mother had less than six months to live. And immediately I thought, who will be here? for me in this yes I have a family but I had heard through the years certain friends and people who had said a daughter losing a mom is unlike anything else and that frightened me a little and I thought my husband you know is there for me but there are things he will not understand and there are things I'm going to need to be able to talk to and I immediately got out my phone called and texted most people because it's easy to text right and I said pray for me I'm losing my mom. I remember you were there at one point. It will be good to know you're there for me now. And immediately I got responses. And precious people, some of them women's ministry directors who booked me to speak years ago, things like that, they were constantly in touch, letting me know they were praying for me. And that last week of her life, I didn't have time to let people know what was going on. But somehow they knew because the body of Christ is kind of like we get connected through the Holy Spirit. And they had just started texting me and saying, I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. Just laboring in prayer for you as you labor to help your mom leave this earth as she labored to help you enter it. I mean, they said beautiful things that just kind of kept me going. But I needed that human connection.
SPEAKER 07 :
interaction with people well and what a simple solution to your loneliness to initially you know reach out to people that you knew that you would need you know even via text in a simple way to kind of do that initial you know reach out so let's talk about some of the solutions that you've found to loneliness that was obviously one but you know to help other people maybe make that trip out of loneliness possible
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes. You know, I think one of the things that makes us feel lonely is we feel that nobody can relate or nobody can understand or people are busy and they don't want me to burden them with how I feel. And we crave that sense of sameness. And I think it's why, you know, certain grief support groups or small groups at church or moms groups are just so prevalent today is because we kind of crave that interaction with other people that are going through the same things or have been there before. And so one of the things, the first thing I suggest is to surround yourself with growing believers, with people who have been through things that you have or people that you can just open up with because sometimes when we begin to talk about what we are feeling we will immediately discover that other people have either been there or are feeling the same now and that's a huge comfort so you know surrounding yourself with people and then seeking out one or two accountability partners to help you grow you know seeking a mentor I've always been, you know, looking toward older people in my life who have been through seasons before me. I realized, you know, I'm the old person now. And yet that third step, start pouring into others and God will pour into you. I found that even as I say, God, show me who is lonely, who I can pour into. As I begin to invest in others, that ends up just kind of feeling a need in my own life, too, because there is companionship and there is that sameness and that oneness that we can experience with others. So while we sometimes think, oh, poor me, I'm lonely, nobody is reaching out to me, when we take the initiative to reach out to someone else, what goes around comes around. That's often when God ends up encouraging us simply because we encourage someone else.
SPEAKER 07 :
I love that. I love that idea. All right. I want to make sure that people can find you and find your books. And so give us a good website.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes, I'm at strengthforthesoul.com, strengthforthesoul.com. You can contact me there. All my books are there. You can read about my ministry, even short video clips you can find there of speaking I've done and just moments to encourage you.
SPEAKER 07 :
Wonderful. The new loneliness, nurturing, meaningful connections when you feel isolated. Thank you so much, Cindy.
SPEAKER 05 :
You're welcome. Thank you.
SPEAKER 02 :
Eagle is tuned to Colorado's mighty 670 KLTT.
SPEAKER 03 :
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SPEAKER 07 :
Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with the Good News, and we are pleased to welcome Denise Schick. She is the author of Moving Forward in Hope, a devotional for families of LGBTQ plus loved ones. Welcome, Denise.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, thank you so much. It's great to be here.
SPEAKER 07 :
Okay. I love the quote at the top of your press release that says, we have a choice to make. We either invite God into our pain and allow him to minister to us, or we push him aside and attempt to navigate our losses and challenges without him. I think that's beautiful. Tell us a little bit about your book, Moving Forward in Hope.
SPEAKER 04 :
Moving Forward in Hope is a 90-day devotional for families that have a loved one. that is identifying as LGBT, you know, however they're identifying. It's a matter of learning through our journeys the fact that God is with us, and through our journeys we also endure, to me, a test of our faith. You know, will we allow God into our pain? Will we allow him into the inner parts of our heart that are so broken and so shattered, and yet to trust him to walk with us through that heartache and through the difficult situations that families face.
SPEAKER 07 :
You know, I think about my aunt, who was a lifelong attendee of her church in Maine, and she built her house herself when she was 19 with a book. And she had her siblings that she was raising with her and then her baby in like a little baby backpack. when she had poured the foundation and then on the weekends her husband would help her but she was a real go-getter and i remember being at the church once and them talking about how much money she donated and there was a whole room in the children's program like a whole room that she'd had built for conferences and this that and the other and she really had been a huge supporter of a church and so when her only child got divorced and came out as gay, I know it was a real challenge and a struggle for her. But they, as a family, never stopped going to church. Her son never stopped going to the church. They were always welcomed at the church. And so she never lost her faith through all of that. And I get the feeling that your book is one that she would have really appreciated. So let's talk about some of the advice that you give people as they're going through this 90-day devotional.
SPEAKER 04 :
As they're going through it, to take the time that you need, that I needed, to meditate on God's Word, to take that time alone with Him so that He can fill us up, because there's just days when we're emptied. There's just nothing left at times with what each person faces and the heartache, the heaviness of it all. And again, I just encourage people, to trust God, to walk with God, because the enemy wants us to do the opposite, right? He wants us to think that God's not here in our prayers, that he's not our healer, he's not our fortress to run to. But yet when we look at the word of God, that's not what it says. And so as we look at God, as we dig into him, as we lean into him, that doesn't mean that we don't yell, we don't scream, we don't cry. He already knows those feelings. He wants to be there to comfort us, to make us strong, to help us persevere through the situations that we face.
SPEAKER 07 :
Absolutely. All right, so what was your impetus? What was your passion for writing this book? Why did you feel it was something that you could do to help others?
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, it was something that I needed when I was going through this so many years ago. Some type of resources that spoke about real life situations that people face to help me to know I'm not alone. And yet to be able to look at the word of God in each of these stories and how they apply not only to the story that's being told in the devotional, but in our own lives. And so just coming from a situation with my dad who identified as a woman and not having any resources that was really telling me other stories to help me to know we weren't alone, that my family was not alone in this. And always the importance, I'll say this time and time again, of how important our faith is to help us in these situations.
SPEAKER 07 :
Now, in terms of how you grew up, was faith always something that you leaned on and turned towards, or did you become a Christian as an adult?
SPEAKER 04 :
No, God was always real to me. I was actually raised Catholic. And I'm thankful for that past because at least I knew there was a God. I believed that Jesus Christ was real. And through those experiences of that, I learned how to lean on him as a nine-year-old girl going through the situation that I was with my dad. Now, I'm no longer Catholic. But again, it was a big part of the foundation of my faith of knowing God was real. It wasn't until I was 15 that I became a born-again Christian. And in that time, that is when I received my first Bible. And I was so hungry for what does God say about this? What does he say about dad's struggle? What does he say about what I'm going through? And I just, I devoured my Bible. I couldn't wait to get home. from my high school classes to go in my bedroom and just study the Word of God and to be able to absorb it, to absorb what the Word was saying.
SPEAKER 07 :
I love that I was saved when I was 13, and definitely life-changing, I think, for a teenager to have that foundation, just a wonderful thing to lean on. After having worked with people who struggle with gender identity, what do you believe— is behind people who identify as transgender what do you i mean a lot of people just believe it's not really a choice and this is something that you know they can't really decide for themselves and others you know obviously believe that society is a huge impact i definitely see a lot more kids because i've got three teenagers being confused about their identity and i also think a little bit denise i feel For the kids whose parents immediately embrace like, oh, you've been dressing like a boy and maybe making premature decisions to take action on their new identity. Where as I think about my cousin's kid who was going to prom with girls and thought she was a lesbian and now has a boyfriend and she's 17. And when I think about my daughter who always dressed like a basketball player and was always called a boy when she was little and is the most feminine freshman that you could find with the mascara and the long hair and her basketball uniform. And I feel like sometimes we like jump to conclusions and we don't just allow kids to be kids and to grow up first before we start kind of pushing them in a direction. That's one thing I do think society is, and I'm not making judgements about the people who are identifying. I'm making judgements about parents who jump the gun and decide, oh, you're 10 and you think you're a different identity or a different gender and let's act on that now. Because sometimes I feel like they just need to grow up and find their feet and find their identity themselves without us pushing them in a direction.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yes, you're so right. You know, when I was growing up, I was in the sandbox with the matchbox cars. My friend Jody and I climbed trees. We did everything that the boys did. You know, baseball, it didn't matter what it was. We played with the boys. We played with the boys' trucks. But that doesn't mean that we're a boy. And today's message is that if your children, if the boys like to play with dolls, well, then, you know, there really should have been a girl. So the messages that are given, culture and social contagion of what's going on with our younger kids, you know, so many young people that are identifying as transgender, but their friends are. And they're also pressured to fit in somewhere with LGBT. I just heard a story last week of a eight-year-old boy that goes into class and every Friday the teacher asks him, Do you still identify as a boy? And we'll ask the students. In front of people? Yeah, in the class. It's like they go through the class. Are you still identifying as a boy? Why are our teachers even asking the students this?
SPEAKER 07 :
You know, I think about my daughter. That reminds me of two stories. There was a young woman who, like you, was a tomboy. And she said she told her family that in class her teacher had said, somebody's like, well, there is a girl in here, you know, that does act like a boy and she likes hunting and this, that, and the other. And the teacher basically said, well, yes, this person, you know, might be gay. This person might be, you know, identifying or feeling like they're more like a man. And she was she was so upset. And she went home and asked her parents, like, I don't feel like I'm gay. I like to hunt with my dad. You know, I like to do this and the other. I just feel we're pushing them. And I think about my daughter. Two things happened. One, a girl came back from the bathroom who had always identified as a girl. And my daughter said, oh, she's back from the bath. may I go now because they're only allowed to go to the bathroom the girls one at a time the boys one at a time so at the top of her lungs this girl scrubbed this gal this person screamed at my daughter I told you I'm not a girl how many times do I have to say it you know and that's not how I identify it so my daughter got sent to the dean's office now in her case she was not bullying In her case, she'd always known this girl as a girl. But I got called by the dean saying that my daughter had referred to her as a girl when she came back from the bathroom. And my daughter asked if she could now go to the bathroom. And so she didn't get suspended or anything. She got her talking to and we got a warning. But there was no hate language or anything like put in her file. And then she has to put they, them or he, she, her. or he him on her paper in this particular class and she's like mom I don't want to put my gender identity on my paper I said you know what honey there are a lot of battles to fight and you know who you are and you don't have to put she her on anything outside of class but if they're demanding that you do that if they're forcing you to do that or you don't get a grade on your paper I know this is wimpy of me, but I just said just go along with it because this isn't really this isn't the hill that we're going to die on. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to fight this battle. Some other parent might want to, but they're forcing them to think too much about their sexual identity when they're little kids. Maybe they just feel like having fun with their friends.
SPEAKER 04 :
Right. And they should be learning more of social skills. You know, and other things.
SPEAKER 07 :
Financial skills. He has so many other things. Let them decide on their own.
SPEAKER 04 :
As they get older. Yes. What about our mathematics and our English? History. You know, there's so many skills that children are not learning because there's so much time and energy and resources. that are built on how do we have the children identify somewhere as LGBTQ plus.
SPEAKER 07 :
And, you know, my cousin's kid who brought the, you know, the girl to prom. And so, you know, she dressed in a suit and I think that the girl dressed her date wore a dress. So she was kind of identifying more as a boy at the time. No one said a word. Grandma and grandpa didn't say a word. The aunt and uncles, the cousins, no one said a word about it. Just thank you for sending pictures. You look so beautiful. Nothing, right? And then now she is dressing like a girl and she's going to prom with a boy and she's a long-term boyfriend. We didn't make a big stink about it or say, oh, do you want to start taking hormones? We just let her be. And then she did actually identify as the gender that she was born into, female. But I just, gosh, can't we just leave these kids alone and let them grow up, Denise?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, terrific question. Why aren't they? I know by the time I was 11 years old with my dad's confusion and the fact of knowing when he was feeling this way, what he was doing and everything, I started to question, did God make him sick? Should I have been a boy and play that out in my bedroom? So many times through the years, I've sat down with pastors and I've said, if I was in school today at 11 years old, they would be telling me that I am a boy. and would be sending me down that pathway and wouldn't be letting my mother know what's going on or anything else. It's absolutely insane.
SPEAKER 07 :
I know, I just, you know, I listened to the debate, you know, between adults talking about it. And I just think we need to let them grow up. And then when they're 18 and over and 21, and they come to us with asking our advice, that's a different thing than us at 10 saying, oh, you seem to be dressing like a boy, you know, would you like to change your identity? I want to make sure people can find Moving Forward and Hope, a devotional for families of LBGTQ plus loved ones. Denise, where do they go?
SPEAKER 04 :
They can go to Amazon. They can go to our website, help4families.com or .org, and that'll take them to the resources that we have available. We also have another project that was released from this devotional called Moving Forward in Community that has some terrific families that were courageous enough to share their situations with QR codes that will direct people right into a video of to go with a biblical lesson.
SPEAKER 07 :
Oh, that's wonderful. Well, thank you, Denise. God bless you, and thanks for sharing your story.
SPEAKER 04 :
Thank you. God bless.
SPEAKER 01 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
Join Angie Austin as she dives deep into the art of leveraging one's life with insight from columnist Jim Stilwell. Discover how to maximize your potential by understanding the principles of leverage and duplication, about making the most of your unique skills, and how this approach can benefit both personal and professional life. Plus, hear fascinating stories of how these concepts have been practically applied, generating success and impact. In this enriching episode, broaden your understanding of financial literacy for teens with expert Robin Growley from Bank of America. Learn how to initiate conversations about money with your teens, incorporating teachable moments that empower them for financial independence. Angie provides practical, engaging tips to kickstart a day filled with productivity and purpose using proven strategies, ensuring that you lead a well-balanced life. The episode also covers motivational insights on starting your day with intention and vigor. Angie shares simple yet effective morning routines that can revolutionize your day, infusing it with energy and focus. Whether you're seeking to enhance your volunteer efforts, better manage your finances, or improve your daily habits, this episode offers something valuable for everyone.
SPEAKER 01 :
Welcome to the Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with the Good News, here's Angie.
SPEAKER 06 :
Hello, friend. Angie Austin and Jim Stilwell here, and we are talking about his column this week, Leveraging Your Life. Hey, Jim.
SPEAKER 04 :
Hey, it is great to be with you.
SPEAKER 06 :
How do we leverage our lives?
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, you know, we go through life and, you know, initially all we do is our best efforts. We learn what we can learn. We do what we can do. And that's what we have. And then when you get a little wisdom about you, you learn that there's two ways to expand that leverage and duplication. Um, you can leverage it by getting into situations where one plus one equals 10 or a hundred, or you can duplicate it by getting other people to help you in what you do and do what you do. And those are the important things. And, uh, I was talking to a gentleman recently and explaining this concept. Archimedes, the great scientist, said, if you give me a place to stand and a lever long enough and a fulcrum to put it on, I can move the entire Earth. And theoretically, that is true. And, you know, leverage is an amazing concept because it makes our efforts bigger. Now, people that use that term and they go borrow money and say, I'm leveraging it, it does make it bigger, but you can also get in trouble. I mean, you can get profit or loss quicker. But this gentleman I was talking to is an accountant, and he volunteers for a group here in town. They feed the homeless, and he said, I'd like to go and do my part, and I serve in the soup kitchen. I said, well, that's wonderful. He said, well, I just want to do my part. And I said, you know, I think that's great if that's what you want to do, but you could leverage what you're doing for them. I bet you they need accounting. They are a corporation. They need accounting and all that. And, you know, when you're working in the kitchen, you're working for, in essence, minimum wage. That's what they could hire somebody to do that for. Nothing wrong with that if that's what you want to do or if you want to have that experience or interact with the people. But in addition to that, if you really want to leverage what you can do, you could do their accounting. You could help them on their board. You could do a lot of things. For me, I do one speech for free for everyone I get paid for. That's the best and highest use I have for my time to help other organizations or make a difference. Then we can leverage our career by making sure things support one another. I always look at my business like a a four-sided pyramid with the point on the top. And whatever I'm doing at any moment is the point. So right now I'm talking to you on the radio about my column. But each of my columns appears in newspapers around the world, in magazines and online publications. But it's also been the basis for six books and one more coming shortly. And those have been given to charity and created many, many thousands of dollars. And all the benefits go to the Stovall Center and the Napoleon Hill Foundation. And then when I have a movie or a new book out, I talk about it in my column so we can talk about it on the radio. So everything in my pyramid has to support one another and be supported by everything else. So it kind of makes sense. And when I consult with corporations, I do. I tell them about the concept of line extension. A lot of people look at line extension when they're in corporations. If Burger King decides they want to have a turkey sandwich, okay, that makes sense for them. If they decide they want to sell snow tires, it does not make sense. I mean, I don't think people can envision Burger King snow tires. but you could get your turkey sandwich at Burger King. So, you know, you need to look at where can you leverage your credibility, your talent, your ability, and make a bigger impact for people that you serve.
SPEAKER 06 :
It makes sense. Like the simple example of, you know, the accountant, you know, serving, you know, food in the soup kitchen, ladling the soup, he's much more valuable to them if he works as an accountant. So I guess it's harder for me to like visualize it in my own life. I'm thinking about like, If I volunteer with animals, like I'm a good speaker, do I offer to do appearances for them or to go places where I can try to garner more support with my voice or to do a commercial for them? But I was just thinking about doing the intake or maybe the adoption where you work with a family that wants to adopt a pet and you go through the process of you know vetting them and then sending them home with the pet just turns but you know sometimes it's harder to visualize what your gifts are that you could bring more to the organization with or you know how to leverage our our time per se
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, intake is great, and you would be good at that. But in addition, they probably have functions, luncheons or dinners or fundraising things or whatever they do. They need an emcee. They need people to do that. That's you. I mean, you're good at that. And they'll be doing media, or they'll want somebody to talk to people or talk to the media about things going on in the animal world with dogs and cats and all that sort of stuff. Nobody better than you I mean, you're a great spokesperson. You forget the fact that the greatest fear of most people is what you and I are doing right now. It's talking in front of other people. And nobody wants to do that, and therefore they're not very good at it. Well, you are excellent. You're one of the best people I've ever seen at doing what you're doing right now, and you enjoy it. You're wondering, what does everybody get afraid of? Well, that's an amazing leverage. It's a talent you can offer people. to organizations and people that you care about. And it's a tremendous value.
SPEAKER 06 :
All right. Well, you know, you talk about, you know, your column and how what you've done with it. And I think it's kind of interesting. You know, you used to file these away. Can you talk about how you've leveraged these columns and how they help others now more than just, you know, helping them by reading them?
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, I never thought of writing a column. And then after one of my books came out, the editor of my local business journal here called me and said, can you write a column? I said, what's a column exactly? He said, write about 500 words of anything you think is important. So I did. And he said, wow, this is good. Do this every week. And I started doing that. And then after a while, I said, look, is that yours or mine? He said, it's yours. You know, we appreciate getting to run it, but it's yours. And I said, so you don't have a problem if I offer it to other newspapers across the country, around the world, or magazines. And now there are hundreds and hundreds of those. But it's leveraged my influence. you know, the results of it, Angie, because, I mean, it doesn't take any more time to write the article or write the column each week, but it goes to millions of people literally now instead of, you know, hundreds before. Well, I started writing those, and then a friend of mine, Don Green, who runs the Napoleon Hill Foundation, called me and said, love your columns. What do you do after they run in the publications? I said, well, I'm sure they're in a file drawer somewhere collecting dust. I don't know. He said, can I have them? I said, yeah, what are you going to do with them? He said, I'm going to put out books and just compiled columns and raise money for our Napoleon Hill foundation. And I'm going to give some of it back to your Stovall center for entrepreneurship to help the college kids. And that has happened now through six books and there'll be a seventh out, uh, uh, this year. And so it, it, it really, you know, all of a sudden something that was just garbage to me, it was, it was useless. And, uh, you know, file taking up space, has turned into this great thing because of the leverage and the duplication that Don Green visualized in what we're doing.
SPEAKER 06 :
So it's six books now, the Winner's Wisdom books?
SPEAKER 04 :
There are six books entitled Winner's Wisdom. There's one entitled Today's the Day and one entitled The Gift of a Day. So those are the six, and then there are four, the Wisdom for Winners. And then there will be one out – next year, and all of those columns are about finance, and it's called Millionaire Answers, so that will be the seventh.
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, I like that. Okay, and so you've been basically helping to educate kids now with that money, and through the Napoleon Hill Foundation, you did that before as well, and now through your own Stovall Center for Entrepreneurship, the money helps support that center.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, and then after... When my mother passed, unbeknownst to me, that foundation, knowing my mother, they played the piano, they donated a number of pianos to groups up there and some here that have done that. And I mentioned that to my friend, not to name drop, but Stevie Wonder and I have... been connected for a number of years, and then he donated a couple of deals. So all of that happened, and I was talking to a pastor the other day, and he said, we have one of the pianos with your mother's name on it in our church. And I said, well, you can thank Napoleon Hill or Stevie Wonder, one of the two, and I'm very grateful for both of them.
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, that's really cool. You know, just a little side note. I was with my son. We were taking him into, he went to his new room up at University of Colorado Boulder. And so we were, you know, setting his little dorm room up or whatever. And on the way up, he was playing his music, you know, off of his phone. And he was playing Stevie Wonder. And I was like, okay, that's interesting. Like, I love Stevie Wonder. But a lot of these kids now are listening to, you know, older music. and um you know not like just the newer rap stuff or whatever and then he was playing the smiths and that was big like when i was in school like 90s yeah and uh but i thought it was funny that he was playing except there were several i looked down and there were three stevie wonder songs that he played and i was just like wow that's interesting that you know a freshman in college is listening to stevie wonder yeah it's interesting you know i was talking to one of his people and the the tours with him and uh
SPEAKER 04 :
He said, you know, it's wild to see these shows because some of the people are literally in their 80s and some of the people are teenagers and they're bringing a date. And it's just, you know, people have discovered Stevie Wonder. And I was talking to one of the kids at the Stovall Center College the other day. He said, man, I discovered this guy. He's really cool. You need to listen to him. And I said, who did you discover? Stephen Stills. Stephen Stills is great. Yeah, I'm glad you discovered him. I said, wait till you hear Graham Nash and David Crosby with him. And, you know, interestingly enough, that's a great example of leverage. I mean, the three guys separately come to a party at Cass Elliott's house, and various musicians are playing, and she points to the three of them and says, you three sing a song. And that was the beginning of Crosby, Stills, and Nash. And, you know, David Crosby wrote, he said, when the three of us sang, we knew who each other were, but we never dreamed of working together. But he said, the first time I opened my mouth and sung with those two guys, I know why I was put on this planet. I mean, it just, wow. And one plus one plus one equals, you know, a million with those guys. But, you know, here's this kid that thinks they discovered, you know, Stephen Stills. And I said, well, good for you.
SPEAKER 06 :
I love it, though, that they're open to and appreciate some of the older music that isn't as technically as advanced with all the computers they use now. How did you meet Stevie Wonder?
SPEAKER 04 :
We were honored at the same time at an event in New York City back in the late 90s. And I was going to give a speech and he was going to play. And we were both being honored that night by the National Federation of the Blind. um, quite candidly, I went out for my walkthrough to get familiar with the stage and his piano was there and I play a bit and I thought, okay, how many times your whole life are you going to get to play Stevie Wonder's piano? So I sit down, I'm playing Stevie's piano when he and his guys come out and he says, Hey, I ain't going to give a speech. What are you doing? You're in my space here, man. And we had fun with it. And, uh, and we've been friends ever since. And, uh, and we connected you know and you know most recently we ran into each other at the airport he was you know in an empty gate they were kind of holding him there my plane got canceled so we hung out together and we realized we were on the same flight so uh and uh you know you know i travel with one young lady and he had 17 guys but um you know we we got on the flight and um You know, he's just, he's Stevie Wonder. What can you say?
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, he seems very down to earth. If you want to find Jim, his columns, his books, his movies, jimstowball.com. Thank you, friend.
SPEAKER 04 :
Thank you.
SPEAKER 02 :
Arc Thrift has all your winter needs. You will find a variety of gently used and new items ranging from personalized Christmas gifts to ski clothes and exercise equipment, including tons of winter clothing to bundle up in. There's no need to spend hundreds of dollars on clothes or household furnishings when you can go to Arc Thrift. They have sales every weekend, and you can find almost everything you need at any of their stores. You might discover that hidden gem or snazzy one-of-a-kind jacket you can't find anywhere else. They also have a new store in Littleton at 7951 South Broadway. It is their new hidden treasure with quality items everywhere throughout the store. Buying from ARK gives back to your community. And ARK always needs new donations, so find one of their donation centers or stores and make sure to shop the store once you donate. To find the nearest ARK Thrift near you, go to ARKthrift.com.
SPEAKER 06 :
Sydney, Nebraska is listening to the mighty 670 KLT Denver. Hey there, friend, Angie Austin here with the good news. I hope you're having a great day, a little chilly out there, not too shabby. All right, so. I want to start a little bit with getting up and making the most of your day. And a lot of this is for me because I am one to not want to pop right out of bed. I did the morning show, I think, for about 20 years in San Diego, Los Angeles, Denver. And that meant here in Denver, especially getting up about 2.45 in the morning. And I'm not a morning person, so I think now... I think I have to make up for all of those sleep deprived years. And when the alarm goes off, I want to go back to bed. Well, there's this lady, Mel Robbins. If you heard of her, the blonde lady with the glasses, she doesn't really wear makeup and she wears like black glasses. Anyway, she has the let them theory, which is separate. That's kind of cool. But if somebody's like treating you badly, not returning your calls, a friend that stands you up or takes advantage of you, she's like, let them, let them stand you up for brunch. Let them not return your calls. Let them. And then you let them show you who they are. And then you either get rid of that relationship if it doesn't work for you or you set up boundaries that, you know, I will be there at this time for this thing. And if you don't show up, then I'm leaving within five minutes or whatever, you know. So she doesn't let them through. But she also has this deal. She talks about getting out of bed in the morning because she doesn't like getting out of bed either. And I definitely don't. I almost always go back to sleep for a little while. She says, don't hit the snooze button that you really want to get value out of your day. That's such a blessing we get each of these days to put our feet on the ground and make a difference in life and do something for others. And that it's hard to do that if we aren't, you know, if we're wasting half the morning in bed. She says, give yourself five seconds, like literally count to five and force yourself to get out of bed at the five. So, whoop. out you go and uh one of the things she mentions is getting outside and i have to say that is a game changer that cool fresh air or whatever just the air in general when i lived at the beach i used to take those walks all the time and it was so refreshing almost every day i'd take a walk out by the water well um on market angel one of my favorite websites they have three tiny morning rituals that that will change your life uh if you let these rituals change your life And these small changes can make a real big difference. And one of theirs is funny. It's totally different from Mel's idea of just getting out of bed and exercising. She even says to give yourself a pep talk in the mirror and high five yourself in the mirror. And she says, I know it sounds corny, but it really gets your brain on the right track. And then, you know, to get outside in the air with your pets or whatever. And It's just so exhilarating. Well, this Mark and Angels list says start with wash your dishes. That's hilarious because a lot of people do it before they go to bed. And a lot of people say make your bed. Just start off with your surroundings organized and nice. And then number two. Use exercise to train your body and mind for 15 minutes. Exercise is the simplest and fastest way to change your life, not only because it strengthens your body, but because it also strengthens your mind. It's a self-initiated activity that imposes a necessary level of mental and physical effort to fuel growth, and it almost instantaneously instills a positive sense of self-control into your subconscious even when other circumstances in your life seem chaotic. In a vast world that is often beyond your control, exercise becomes a personal space where you are able to train and regain mastery over your world. You can move your body. Only you can move your body. Only you can put one foot in front of the other. Only you get to decide how far you want to push yourself. So when you start your day like this, grounded and in control, the wider world is far easier to navigate. A consistent daily exercise ritual literally changes the physical inner workings of your brain. And it's a good time to think and be peaceful. exercise is the single most powerful tool you have to optimize your brain function aerobic activity has a dramatic effect on adaptation regulating systems that might be out of balance and optimizing those that are not it's an indispensable tool for anyone who wants to reach his or her full potential and if you can do it outside if the weather allows i think it really is like that extra jolt of like energy you're like energized it's invigorating And then their last tip is establish presence through meditation. Now, that might be journaling. That's something, you know, I really enjoy doing. We've talked about that with a lot of our authors on the show, whether it's just a quiet moment. And I like to think as I'm walking so you can combine it like whatever works for you. That's the way I see it. Whatever works for you. And I'm. talking to you about this because i need to do all of this like i need to get out of bed and get exercising earlier i like exercising at night and i still want to do that but i know i've got to add something into the daytime hours to give me that boost you know to kind of get my day going for not to be So lethargic feeling per se. All right. If you were just joining us, this is Angie Austin with the good news, of course. And we talk a lot about being financially responsible and preparing for the future. And, you know, I have three teens and we work with them, all of them in order to set them up for financial success. Well, did you know that less than half of teens feel financially prepared for the real world? And to be honest with you, I think it's even worse. bigger number than that. I mean, I'm around a lot of these kids. I think a lot of them just aren't prepared for the real world. Well, joining us today is an expert in finances, Robin Growley, head of consumer deposits at Bank of America. Welcome, Robin. Okay, so as I mentioned, Robin, I've got the three teens, so I'm really in the thick of it with all of this. So let's just start off, first of all, like, why is it important to start talking about money with our kids at a young age? And, you know, how should we get them started?
SPEAKER 03 :
Sure. So at Bank of America, we found that half of teens feel financially prepared for the real world when they leave for college. So that just tells us right now that we need to have more financial management conversations, you know, earlier and often, right? And then also, as we talk to many of our clients who are parents, we hear that they feel like they bear the burden to a certain extent or the responsibility of teaching children around financial literacy so they know they want to help, but sometimes they just don't know how to go about it and how to get started, right? So I always say, you know, first things first, keep things simple, right? Start by incorporating financial lessons into everyday activities so you can really help your child, your youth, your young adult to grasp the concept of money and I am. I'm a mom. I have 10-year-old twin boys who are involved in many sports. And we always get the questions around, hey, mom, I want the new basketball bat or new baseball bat. I want the basketball shoes. And my little guys have been working towards saving for basketball shoes. And just last night, we finally went out, bought the basketball shoes. And I was so proud of them because they saved all of what they needed to buy these shoes. And all along the way, we were able to have the conversations around their savings goal. And if they saw something else they wanted, like the t-shirt, I'm like, is that really more important than the basketball shoes? You get to make the decision. So really connecting with them on a topic related to financial management, but in a way and around something that's meaningful to them, like the basketball shoes. So I think about those as teachable moments. It's a really simple way to get started. And those teachable moments happen every day, right? Whether we're out grocery shopping or going to the restaurant, buying ice cream or basketball shoes, we can have that dialogue and conversation and really start to connect with our children on financial management.
SPEAKER 06 :
I love that. I love that. What about setting financial resolutions together? I obviously pay for the big vacations, but I have them save for their spending money. I don't want to be like penny, nickel, dimed for like, I want this thing at the dollar store. I want this shell. I want this ice cream cone. It's like, oh, deal with your own little purchases. So I try to get them to save for that. What other kinds of financial resolutions do you like families to set together?
SPEAKER 03 :
Now, well, number one, kudos to you on the shared savings goal. I love that for the family vacation. That's one of the best ways to make sure everyone's thinking about this vacation, especially as you know, it's expensive, right? I love how you're managing that. The other thing I would say is just think about improving financial literacy, right? Creating that safe environment, age appropriate to have conversations online. on financial management. Because in so many instances, as adults, we're like, oh, you know, finance is a really personal topic. We don't want to talk about it with anybody. We don't really want to share, right, those types of things. But in order for children to learn, we've got to create that safe environment so they can hear that we actually have to pay for the car, right? We have to pay a mortgage payment. We have to pay for the electricity. Those things are not free, right? Or the cell phone that they're using, those are not free. And so creating that safe environment and giving them just awareness and understanding the cost of things and ultimately how they will grow and need to participate in that is so critical. The other part, I think so much is we say, oh, well, I'm saving to buy the basketball shoes, right? What do I want to buy for myself? But we sometimes need to flip that equation and talk a bit about charitable giving, right? Yes. Helping our children understand that it's not just about what they want to buy. How can we give and support others? And so charitable giving builds that empathy, reinforces the shared values as a family. And so having the conversation and talking to your child about, well, what really means a lot to you, right, in terms of giving back, that's just another great way to, again, create awareness around financial management. But it's not just about them buying something for themselves.
SPEAKER 06 :
I like that, you know, and the pride they feel as well. And I know my son's a little bit unusual. He's a freshman in college and we just moved him up. He was commuting. We moved him up to CU Boulder and he'd been in a car accident, but it was our car, right? And it's the other person's fault. So we were going to get the money back from the car, but I'm like, but that's not for you to buy whatever you want, right? That's our money. Well, he said, well, you know, he's been saving. He's been running his business since he was 12. So for seven years. So last night, on his own he'd been researching the cars he paid cash for the car he got the bill of sale and he got the pink slip now we'll of course help him with the insurance because you know at his age i can't even imagine without us what that would be but he's also saved and i know this sounds crazy but it sounds crazy to me a down payment for a house in boulder which we're not going to get yet because we'll have to do the loan obviously but he has the 20 down and so we're going to buy the house at the beginning of next school year But then I have faith and hope was 15 and 17. We were at a high end like resort just so we could use the water park over break. And so we gave hope the check and we said, here's how you fill it out. This, that and the other. And like, she is so not her brother. We were sitting by the pool and 20 minutes later, we see our waitress running for us. why is she running for us and she said hey did you guys mean to leave a credit card for the bill and so we look at hope because we've given she has a credit card now and hope's like oh you have to leave it and i'm like well they you'll leave it and they bring it back to you per se you can't just take it when they bring you the bill but They're on totally different levels of understanding finances. And I guess we have to give ourselves a break because some kids really get it. And a minute she has a dollar, we don't know what happened to it. It's gone, but she had a great time. You know what I mean? She knows how to have a good time. But her brother saves every dollar he ever makes. So what are some of the tools and resources that you guys have there at B of A for parents to help them with their kids and with finances to help them learn how to manage money?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, you know, I love your story. Those are great. And you're right. I mean, you see whether it's our children, youth, young adults, everyone kind of learns at a different pace and they have different tendencies of whether they're the saver or the spender. But I think underneath all of that, one of the most important skills is learning to budget. Right. And so developing a realistic budget early on, whether you're a saver or spender, whatever that may be, having that budget will really help you keep grounded financially. and then help you achieve your financial goals, right? And sometimes if we have more of a tendency to spend, that can help us get back on track more easily too, right? So I would say most important resource you can do is really help find a budget. And that can be as simple as literally getting out a piece of paper and a pencil and starting that budget, right? The inflows that you have coming in, the outflows that you have going out, and where do you need to kind of budget and adjust, right? And then revisiting that with your teen, you know, your youth, your young adult. And of course, a budget at that age should be pretty simple. And it's more about just the habit of getting into budgeting and being thoughtful about your finances. So I think that's number one. And then I would say number two really is giving the children the hands-on experience. And so I think in both of the examples you shared, those are phenomenal because you gave your child that opportunity to have the hands-on experience. And so At Bank of America, one of the ways that we continue to foster and support our families, it's all around our Safe Balance for Family Banking account. And that really is a parent-owned account. It has flexible financial controls. So depending on the age of your child and where you are, you may want to ensure that they're spending here or not spending there. And so those controls are there to help support the family. And then also there's an age-appropriate digital banking experience, too. The child can have the debit card, and then there's financial literacy resources. So it really is packaged, if you will, to be able to support the family, be able to support the youth and young adult, wherever they are along that financial spectrum, to ensure they have all of those tools and resources to be successful in their financial journey.
SPEAKER 06 :
I love that. I love all of your ideas and good luck with your kids too. Oh, by the way, this baseball bat that my kid wanted was $500 and he doesn't even play baseball anymore, but I was able to find it like resale, you know, for like 60. I cannot believe how much, how expensive sporting equipment has gotten. All right. Thank you so much for your tips and give us the website one more time.
SPEAKER 03 :
Sure. Bankofamerica.com forward slash family banking.
SPEAKER 06 :
Awesome. Really fun. I love talking about finances. It's so important. Thanks, Robin.
SPEAKER 03 :
Okay, take care, Angie.
SPEAKER 1 :
You too.
SPEAKER 01 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
