Ep. 1617 – The Good News with Angie Austin – HAYLEE HOLLAND, COMMON FINACIAL MISTAKES / Jim Stovall, Happiness

SPEAKER 01 : 0:00

Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here’s Angie.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:08

Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with the good news. We are talking to the authors of the book Stay Golden Girl. Friendship is the new marriage. I already sent the info to this to a bunch of my friends in Los Angeles just to joke with them about how we’ve been married for 25 years longer than my actual marriage because this is so true. Rachel Steinman and Rachel Winter. Welcome to you, Rachel Steinman.

SPEAKER 05 : 0:32

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:33

And Rachel Winter, welcome to you.

SPEAKER 05 : 0:35

And thank you. Appreciate it.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:37

All right. So, yes, this is so true. Two of my girlfriends that I joke around with, I’ve been to L.A. four times since October to visit my girlfriends out there. And I live in Denver now. So that shows you how strong the friendships are because I haven’t lived there in 24 years. So isn’t it so true that these these friendships? Well, first of all, let’s start with you, Rachel Winner. Tell tell me about your friendship with Rachel Steinman.

SPEAKER 05 : 1:04

Well, that is one of my favorite topics. Rachel and I have been friends since college. And we are very lucky in that over the years, our friendship has grown and deepened. And we realized over the years, over the decades now, that we were growing in the same direction. And we share the same views on life, views on the world, and really have been there for each other. We’re part of a larger group together, a group of crazy, amazing women. And so there’s so many opportunities to celebrate. And that’s what really prompted writing this book is that we realized we weren’t alone in our desire to celebrate female friendship. And it’s been an extraordinary experience.

SPEAKER 03 : 1:53

You know, I think about Los Angeles where you both live in that, you know, greater L.A. area. And a lot of people talk about its superficiality or, you know, the actors and Hollywood and blah, blah, blah. I have to say there’s so many wonderful people there. And my longest friendships aren’t from Los Angeles. high school or college or, you know, other, I probably lived in maybe 10 states over the years, but my 11 years in Los Angeles, I still have so many lasting friendships from there that I go back so frequently. And you guys talk about mom-unes. Can one of you tell me about mom-unes?

SPEAKER 04 : 2:29

Sure. Well, so one of the inspirations for this book besides this amazing article that Rachel and I read about seven young Chinese women across the globe, pulling resources together to build a retirement home and, and community. And it made us realize, okay, well, this is interesting. This is like, these young women are doing what we would love to have done, um, and kind of fantasize about one day moving in together. But, um, We were reading also articles about mothers who were divorced moving in together to help support one another and raise each other’s kids. And just the power of women coming together to form community, it’s unbeatable in America. just taking care of one another and the benefits are just, are, are, are beyond what you would think would happen. And, and it’s just, it’s not just like, you know, to support one another, maybe, you know, just maybe time-wise, but for each other’s mental health, for just joy and, and, and just, and, and how important it is to get together and, And I keep using the word support, but that’s really the word is to stack each other.

SPEAKER 03 : 3:58

right so in terms of um you know i’m just laughing because i just saw something that was so funny on probably instagram insta as my teens call it um and it was a bunch of people um who decided that they loved each other so much they wanted to retire together and they brought they bought like this plot of land which you know in southern california you need to pitch in five or six people to buy you know a piece of land But then they built all these tiny houses that were like identical neighboring houses so they could retire together.

SPEAKER 05 : 4:30

Wasn’t that so cute? Yes, it’s amazing. It’s really amazing. And I think it’s becoming more and more common. You know, once upon a time, families, young families would make it a real priority to live near their parents or their in-laws so they could have that help and that support. And now it really feels like there’s a shift where young families, they are figuring out how to move near their friends.

SPEAKER 03 : 4:59

I love this. I mean, I don’t know. I think there’s such rich friendships. And when I was younger, I felt like a lot of women were saying things like, well, you know, I just get along better with men. And I like working for male bosses. Now, keep in mind, you know, I’m older. So, you know, like when I started working in the news business at Channel 4 in Los Angeles, one of my colleagues, Kelly Lang, she was an anchor there for a million years. girl like there was one girl right one one we already have our girl and then my executive producer said when she first started working at channel four that they would um men would call the station with a complaint and say i need to speak with a man and so you know things have changed a lot since their time but also you know since my time as well yeah i know thank goodness so what else what what else do you teach us in the book stay golden girls

SPEAKER 04 : 5:56

Well, along the lines of what you’re saying, we understand the importance of women supporting one another and how powerful that is. And we give partial proceeds to Girls Inc., which is this incredible organization. Oh, I know it. I love it. Yes. It’s 160 years old, this organization, since 1864. And they mentor young girls and young women here. And that is a theme in the book about how when we lift each other up, we all rise. And how important it is to support one another so there doesn’t have to just be one girl. How much stronger we are when we’re together. It’s just unbelievable. So that is definitely a theme in our book. I love it. Go ahead. I think men are socialized too much.

SPEAKER 05 : 6:54

seek out success, personal success. This is somebody’s fault. I think newer generations are socializing boys and young men differently. I certainly hope so. And so I think women, there’s a natural impulse for teamwork that operates differently between women and You know, look, not always, but that we, you know, I think that’s what Rachel is saying is really such an important aspect that, you know, a rising tide lifts all boats and there’s not the same fear like, oh, that my female co-worker is going to succeed. It’s more joyful. Oh, great. My female coworker is going to succeed.

SPEAKER 03 : 7:40

Yes. Yeah, I think there’s been definitely a shift in that. Now, in terms of the bonds that female friends have, I mean, there’s male friends, but it always has a different dynamic than a female friendship. What is it, do you think, that make our female friendships so enduring, so lasting, but also so valuable and so deep that we wouldn’t maybe have even in our marriages or with our male friends or with our brothers? What’s the difference with the female aspect of it?

SPEAKER 04 : 8:07

That’s a really good question. And, you know, again, this is a big generalization, but when women get together, they’re They’re comfortable, especially if they’re close, holding hands, looking in each other’s eyes face to face, whereas, you know, again, generalization, but men, they like to watch sports. It’s more side by side kind of activities. And I laugh sometimes that my husband will come home after like having dinner with a friend he hasn’t seen in a while. And I’ll say like, oh, how is their kid? How, you know, tell me about their wife or their kids. And he’s like, we didn’t talk about that.

SPEAKER 03 : 8:44

Hilarious.

SPEAKER 04 : 8:45

You know, I’m delving deep and want to know every single detail. Tell me about, you know, your life. And it’s not at male relationships. Sometimes they’re a little more surfaced. I think things are changing. I hope, you know, I see my husband giving his friends hugs and telling them that, you know, they love each other, which just makes me so happy. But I think, you know, as women, we aren’t afraid to delve deep into the emotional realm. And I think that that bonds us, that keeps us really connected. I think when you have a really close friendship, you can be vulnerable with that friend and feel very comfortable asking for help. And then that allows your friend to turn it around and ask you for help. And, and it just brings you closer. And I don’t know if that is, you know, again, Rachel’s talking about socialized, you know, the socialization of men. I don’t know if they grow up feeling as comfortable asking. And so that’s, you know, a side that women’s friendships are,

SPEAKER 03 : 9:57

are stronger in i think and i think i think you guys said that the um when you talk about men and not getting as deep um when my husband tells me what he and his partner talk about oftentimes it’s his partner i don’t say bragging but like um extolling all of his you know like accomplishments or his kids accomplishments, you know, and it’s not really like, um, about emotions. And I think mental, the mental health aspect of that and why maybe we do see the suicide rate in, you know, middle-aged men who get so frustrated with life, not being able to share with others is because they don’t get as deep in their friendships and discuss those feelings and the sadness. They’re not going to, they don’t want to talk about their, um, failures I mean maybe in like a bible study group or some kind of a religious you know male group where they talk about their feelings but in general in fact my husband went to a bible study with men and he’s like oh my gosh they were talking about like having affairs and like all these things that they’d done and like he was like so appalled that they got so deep like he was just like First of all, appalled at like all the things they’d done. But secondly, that they’d actually tell each other about it. He only went once and he was like, whoa. But, you know, in general, they’re not talking about these things over a drink.

SPEAKER 04 : 11:12

Right. Right. Exactly. Well, you know, I think that we are living through a time that is so many people feel very lonely and it’s an epidemic and it really does wreak havoc on your mental health. And what is the antidote to loneliness? Well, it’s friendships. And I like that you brought that up because it really, that is one of our goals. Rachel and I call ourselves friendship ambassadors. Oh, I love it. We all can agree. It does not matter where you live in the world, what political aisle you are on. We all agree that friendship makes us feel better, that after a good conversation with a friend, hopefully face-to-face but not always, really makes us, it’s true therapy. It’s the best medicine because we laugh and we can just be in the moment. And when I go in and I speak to kids for NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, it’s one of the biggest things I push is the importance of getting involved in clubs or how to be a friend because we’re social creatures. We feel so much better when we are with others.

SPEAKER 03 : 12:33

Isn’t that true? I’ve been talking a lot this past year about the Harvard Happiness Study and how it, yes, I love it, and how it talks about the biggest indicator of happiness is your friendships, your relationships, your connections. And so over this past year, I went to see in Oregon my high school best friend that I had not seen since the day we graduated. Two of my best friends from high school in Colorado, that one was in Oregon, I’ve seen them. And then a There’s four cousins. We don’t have brothers. And the four of us have like an extremely close bond, which I would call a female friendship. And we text every day and, you know, joke around. And like when I wanted to sell my house, I invited them all out to help me, you know, like turn the whole house over and clean out closets and this, that, and the other. And so those bonds, you know, we didn’t have sisters. Did I say that? We didn’t have sisters. We only had brothers. I hope I didn’t misspeak that one. Hey, will you two stick around a little bit longer because I have to take a break. Do you have time to talk a little more?

SPEAKER 04 : 13:32

Sure.

SPEAKER 03 : 13:33

Okay, great. Sure. All right. You’re listening to Good News with Angie Austin, Rachel Steinman, and Rachel Winter. We’ll be right back. We’re discussing their book, State Golden Girls. Friendship is the New Marriage. We’ll be right back with the good news.

SPEAKER 02 : 13:51

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SPEAKER 01 : 14:47

Malden is tuned to the mighty 670 KLTT Denver.

SPEAKER 03 : 14:59

Stay golden, girls. So we dropped off talking about, you know, mental health and female friendships. And I found one of you on social media, Rachel Steinman. Rachel, you’re not there. And my husband has refused to join the whole social media thing. I take it you’re one of those people in that camp.

SPEAKER 05 : 15:31

I am one of those people. It’s me and your husband. We’re in it together. Yeah. You know, look, I’m very lucky. And I… Look, maybe there would be aspects of my business that would be improved. Luckily, when it comes to our book, Stay Golden, Girls, Friendship is the New Marriage, my work wife, Rachel Simon, has decided that she can take over this aspect because I do think it’s such an important part of promotion. And we do, we want as many people as possible to know about the book, read the book, share the book. And, you know, so the most important thing is to be able to do that. And I get it in today’s society. But for me personally, that is not something that I participate in.

SPEAKER 03 : 16:20

Well, I thought about that because I saw you, Rachel Steinman, had posted so many things about the book and podcasts and this, that, and the other. And I’m like, oh, Rachel Winter is riding on your social media coattails. You are promoting both of you for the both of you.

SPEAKER 04 : 16:35

Well, that’s so great. So I will say you can you can follow us at Stay Forever Gold. That’s the number four. And it’s called Stay Forever Gold, because that is a brand that we are building that will that revolves around friendship and community and connection. But on the side note of Rachel not being on social media, it’s why she gets so much done. It’s why she is involved in 50 projects and why she has gotten our book into so many amazing boutiques, including the Wynn and the Encore in Vegas. And so, you know, we have our strengths and how amazing that we can work together and bring those strengths to the table.

SPEAKER 03 : 17:16

I love that.

SPEAKER 04 : 17:18

Thanks, Rach. I needed that. Well, it’s true. I’m jealous of you sometimes because we know that social media is such a time suck, but it is important.

SPEAKER 03 : 17:28

Yeah, my husband says he does not have time for it. With all the kids’ sports, and we’ve got three teenagers in high school, and we’ve taken care of my mom a lot, and we’ve got five pets, and he’s started a business from the ground up, and it’s 10, 12 years in now. And he’s like, I don’t have time for it. And so I kind of do. He’ll laugh, though, when somebody will be like, oh, I saw you had your anniversary. And he’ll be like, what? He said it’s creepy how much people know about him from social media. Now, I did catch one of your ears when I mentioned the Harvard Happiness Study about how the biggest indicator of happiness is friendships and bonds and relationships. And since you call yourself friendship ambassadors, that really did resonate with you.

SPEAKER 05 : 18:09

Oh, absolutely. It’s actually in our – we reference it in the book as well because we agree with you. It is so fascinating. And again, I think we touched on this earlier – that men have been socialized to value and work toward different things. And so women have benefited, I think, in a way that men have not. But again, we’re hopeful that the future generations, that guys will learn to place a higher value on their friendships. And that can be a really great way to fight loneliness, Live longer, live happier, you know, more enriched and full lives, especially when couples go into the phase of their lives when they are empty nesters. You know, men, you know, men and women who have more friends, they also end up knowing themselves better. And when those kids leave, there’s a better opportunity to be like, all right, I’m on solid ground as opposed to feeling a little bit lost at sea.

SPEAKER 03 : 19:17

Okay, when you talk about friendships, I noticed that you also talk about mother frienders, mothers and daughters. And I have to tell you, when my third child was due, she was kind of a bonus, like a super great bonus. And so I was just like, oh, I hope I have another girl because they’re such good friendies for me. I like to travel with them and they’re funny. So I had hope. And then I have a son first and then I had hope. And then my third one was faith. So I was so excited that I had, you know, another girl to be friends with. And I’m not saying we’re friends now because they’re teenagers, but there is a friendship aspect to it, you know, where they do want to hang out with you. They do want to watch movies with you. They do want to go on vacation with you and go out to eat with you. And We do family dinners and family vacations and family movie nights where we go to the movies and dinner like maybe once a month. And I don’t know, they’re just I just I’m crazy about them. I think they’re super great humans. So I would say there is a friendship aspect to it.

SPEAKER 04 : 20:17

Absolutely. And it’s such a blessing when when you realize that, oh, you can look at your mom in a different way, no longer as that like kind of two dimensional person, but as like a fully formed human who’s still kind of learning through life. And then when your kids kind of see you as you know a whole person um it’s it’s a really beautiful moment and and yeah i i mean i feel so blessed because i have two daughters um i grew up with three brothers so how how fun to and we we also have a chapter about when um sisters become friends or when friends become like sisters You know, there’s so many different relationships that can form, but ultimately what bonds you is that underlying friendship. It’s that wanting to spend that time with the person that you love.

SPEAKER 03 : 21:06

Yeah, I love that. When I told you about the cousins, you know how it’s become like a friend, like a sister bond with the four of us. All right. You talk about. I know I do feel super blessed because I grew up with three boys, three brothers, too. And just, yeah, that friendship aspect of a sister slash now cousin is so special to me. And we do vacations together. Yeah. Yeah, and like family reunions together and stuff. It’s cool. All right, you talk about Galentine’s Day. And I joked with one of my girlfriends in L.A. I’ve just seen her four times. I think I told you since October. And I said to her, oh, my gosh, I think I’ve been married to you longer than my husband, I said, because friendship is the new marriage. And I sent her a blurb on your book. And then she said, I said, we are doing something for our 20th wedding anniversary. And she said, you didn’t take me anywhere for our 20th anniversary. Yeah. And so let’s talk about that whole Galentine’s Day. And do you get people going like, what do you mean friendship’s the new marriage? What do you mean by that? So tell me about that whole thing.

SPEAKER 05 : 22:04

Yeah, no, we haven’t had anybody, certainly not the nerve to say it to our faces, but I think people really get what we’re going for. Friendship is the new marriage. That’s become a little bit of a pop culture reference. And, you know, orange is the new black, 40 is the new 30, and friendship is the new marriage. And, you know, Galentine’s Day is such a fun opportunity to do a couple things. First of all, of course, to get together with your girlfriends and celebrate each other and drink champagne and, you know, eat chocolate and smell beautiful flowers and just be together and laugh. But the other thing it does, it also takes the pressure off of Valentine’s Day for maybe people who are not as interested in celebrating that traditional holiday or simply celebrating in the traditional ways. So I think, you know, the best thing about where we’re at, I think, in modern day is just anything goes. And you can design your life and your relationships differently. to reflect who you are, who you want to be, where you want to go and how you want to get there and who you want to get there with. And there’s just, there’s not the same confines. And, you know, so I think that we really, really believe very firmly that Galentine’s day is just another great opportunity to celebrate the bonds of female friendship.

SPEAKER 03 : 23:37

I love that.

SPEAKER 04 : 23:38

And just to add really quickly, the idea of platonic romance is it’s like, takes the pressure off of a relationship that you can celebrate that love. So Rachel and I laugh because we’ve given each other rings, clodder rings, which is part of our book. It’s a symbol of friendship. We’ve opened up a bank account together. We act as if we have this really strong relationship that will be in our lives until the end of time. And, you know, and it makes us, it reminds us that we don’t have to just revolve our lives around our children and our significant others, that we can really put our friends on an even playing field and celebrate that.

SPEAKER 03 : 24:33

You know, I was looking at, you know, give us the group again, by the way, because I just followed it, Rachel Steinman. What’s the group? Because I found a link on your page.

SPEAKER 04 : 24:43

Oh, yeah. Instagram. Instagram.

SPEAKER 03 : 24:46

You were just mentioning the group that people could follow where they could see Rachel Winter and you both.

SPEAKER 04 : 24:51

Oh, yeah. So our Instagram is stayforevergold. That’s stay, the number four, evergold. And then our website is stayforevergold, actualspelling.com. And we’ve got links to Amazon and Etsy for our books. And if you also want to see the boutiques we’re in, you can check that out on Instagram. Great.

SPEAKER 03 : 25:12

When you talked about having your daughters, minor teenagers, I saw one of your daughters is in college. I got this shirt recently that says on the front, it says, brah, brah, formerly known as mom, because I don’t get called mom anymore. They’re always like, brah. It’s so funny. My husband’s like, I’m not your brah. But I just laugh every time they say it to me. And then I’ll tell them they have to do something. And then they’ll be like, brah. And I’ll be like, brah. bruh it’s just so goofy that they call me bruh but um yeah um i love it that your friendship ambassadors and i also think like this whole loneliness epidemic that you know gosh when i got together with these old friends or that i hadn’t seen and i’d say i probably made 10 reconnections in the last year and they were so special and some of them took a lot of effort but You know, like in Barbie, they talk about like best day ever. I got that shirt because that was like the best day ever when I rekindled those friendships. I mean, one of them we talked for four hours about and she remembered so many things about me and just the things that I’d done or accomplished or whatever. And. When we talked about Girls Inc., I grew up in a really dysfunctional environment and really fought my way out of being on the Jerry Springer show. My dad, we were estranged for 35 years. One of my brothers was murdered. My dad was an alcoholic. Another one of my brothers was homeless. My mom had a kid at 17. We lived in low-income housing. I’m like, I need to get out of here, bruh. And so my girlfriend was like, oh my gosh, Angie, you… Worked full time. You had stray days. I worked full time for seven years, seven days a week, all through high school and college to get out of poverty or that situation. And the things she remembered about me made me cry how great she thought I was and how impressive she thought I was. You’re not involved in that. You’re like an island trying to survive in that environment. And so I didn’t remember a lot of things she remembered about me. And she’s like, you know, when I had to get this surgery on my knee, you did all the research and you got me the surgeon and you set up the appointment. And I’m like, I didn’t even remember doing all this for her. But she’s like, you were like an adult when you were like 17. It was crazy. But it was so fun to like, it was the best day ever to rekindle that friendship. And I saw a picture of the two of you when you were young and then a picture more recently and how cool that is. So what would you, we’ve got a minute left.

SPEAKER 05 : 27:27

what would you say is the most valuable thing you’ve gotten out of that friendship oh my goodness I’ll say very quickly I know that I’m always supported by Rachel I know that she will always be honest and she will tell me what I want to hear and then she’ll also tell me what I don’t want to hear and I can always rely on that and she’s like a soul sister

SPEAKER 03 : 27:57

Oh, anything else?

SPEAKER 04 : 28:00

I mean, you know, there’s so much which we write in the book. But I would say like, what top of the mind is, is Rachel such a good cheerleader. She is. She helps me to see my dreams as reality. And she supports me and is like the first person on I think of calling when I have questions and need a little advice. So it’s just, you know, how wonderful to have a friend like that.

SPEAKER 03 : 28:27

Oh, I love this. All right, the book is Stay Golden, Girls. Friendship is the New Marriage. And that’s Rachel Steinman and Rachel Winter. Thank you, ladies, so much.

SPEAKER 05 : 28:36

Oh, thank you. This was so fun. Really enjoyed it. Thank you.

SPEAKER 01 : 28:41

Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.