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Denise Schick discusses her devotional 'Moving Forward in Hope', designed for families of LGBTQ+ loved ones, with host Angie Austin. Listen as they explore themes of faith, acceptance, and personal growth. Discover how to support loved ones while finding solace in shared experiences and the power of community.
SPEAKER 07 :
welcome to the good news with Angie Austin now with the good news here's Angie hello there friend Angie Austin here with the good news really excited about today's topic and today's author Cindy McMenamin she is the author of the new loneliness nurturing meaningful connections when you feel isolated welcome Cindy hi it's great to be with you today okay so i talk all the time about the harvard happiness study that's going on for decades and the biggest indicator of happiness is connections relationships family and so for the last year i've really been finding those old connections like my best friend in high school i've seen her now twice in a year like cousins i'm close to that maybe i don't see enough and then um i went to another high school i moved a lot and um and i found those best friends and i see them and i just it's so wonderful and so i love the topic of this so give us kind of an overview about the new loneliness uh nurturing meaningful connections when you feel isolated give us kind of you know a synopsis okay well loneliness has always been with us and it always will be as long as we're
SPEAKER 05 :
searching for something outside the realm of what God has already made available to us. But there's this new loneliness that I refer to, and that's a deeper ache we feel from our reliance on technology, the diminishing element of human interaction and touch that's happened as we continue with a lot of our post-COVID isolation habits. Social media is supposed to make us feel more connected. That's the whole idea of But we can feel less connected as we scroll through people's highlight reels and we think, wow, this is not going on. I'm lonely. I'm not out there doing all of this. And we've been told AI is a great help, but it's another alternative to human interaction and human compassion. and human touch so that new loneliness people are feeling today is even greater than it was prior to covet than it was maybe 10 years ago before we were so in front of our devices maybe sometimes even more in front of people
SPEAKER 07 :
You know, I think about I've got teenagers and I think about when I was a teenager and like being on my, you know, middle school friends bed, you know, with my feet up on the wall and she had to do all the laundry for her brothers, which I was like, oh, what? to rip off like why aren't they doing the laundry because you're a girl you know and so I'd have my feet up on the wall and I'd be like you know just or sometimes I'd be doodling or whatever but what we were doing was talking and laughing and cracking jokes and then her mom would come in and tell us to be quiet and then we'd tell her something outrageous and she'd be like you girls and you don't you dare do that and so it's all like conversation you know and just like giggling and laughing and i still when i talk to her or i'm on facebook with her i still feel that connection of the hilarity like that that and same with my best friend from high school like when we met we laughed and she told me stories i didn't remember and it was because we didn't have the new loneliness because we actually were conversing with each other and i think about my kids when their friends come over there they all have their devices and in general they're on their devices
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes. I looked into a lot of studies that have been done on this and today's typical teenagers spend a Friday night in their room on their device in group chat, but they're not rubbing shoulders with one another. They're doing things. And while they said that they take less risks today, they're also growing up less independent, less responsible, more scared. It's just, It's really amazing the impact of being on screens. And a study even found, a study of adults, found that more people used a social media site or several, the more they used it, the lower their mental health and life satisfaction at the next time they were assessed. And so there is something to be said about what you said earlier, connecting with people that you know, going to a deeper level. Because the U.S. Surgeon General declared, let's see, May in 2023, this new epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it stated that continued isolation or failure to connect at a deeper emotional level with others is leading to a 50% greater chance of dementia, a 60% greater chance of premature death. That is a serious health statistic.
SPEAKER 07 :
That is scary, but it makes sense to me. I have a friend that does Meals on Wheels, and he talks about it's more than the nourishment of the body. It's the nourishment of the mind and the soul of life. Just, you know, maybe that's the only person that that person that's kind of a shut in getting their meals on wheels delivered. And it's funny. He was an attorney in the military and he had like a big career. And when he retired, his family laughed. His kids were like, he's not really retiring. Like he's just going to full time, you know, volunteer now. And he works with Special Olympics. He coaches. So his whole life is around that. this nurturing of, you know, people's souls and, you know, that new loneliness. He's trying to keep some of these elderly people healthy by, it's more important, I think, to, you know, be their friend, to connect with them so they have someone. Also, they don't have anyone in some cases that if they fall, et cetera, they might be alone for a week if it weren't for the Meals on Wheels guy. Yeah.
SPEAKER 05 :
Right. And we were created to live in community, not to isolate. And in that U.S. Surgeon General report, it said that that failure to connect with other people just socially and at a deeper emotional level was not just emotionally and mentally unhealthy, but it was physically unhealthy. It was comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Oh. So it is impacting our physical health that much. and not have close connections in our lives.
SPEAKER 07 :
You know, talk about your experience, because I know you've written a lot of books, not quite 20, but you're up there.
SPEAKER 06 :
Exactly.
SPEAKER 07 :
So talk about your experience with loneliness that, you know, obviously you have to have something that prompts you to write all these books, and in this case, The New Loneliness, what spurred you on, what gave you the passion to write this book?
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, there were a couple of factors. First of all, I wrote my bestselling book 22 years ago called When Women Walk Alone. And that was all about the alone times in our lives, you know, and how we can draw closer to God through them. And at that time, I felt alone in different areas as a pastor's wife, as a young mom, just as a person who felt that maybe people don't understand how I feel. And so while that information in that book is still relevant today, I I met with my publisher the day after this U.S. Surgeon General Health Alert came out on the new epidemic of loneliness. And my publisher had asked, if you were to write When Women Walk Alone today, would you write it any differently? And I said, absolutely, because there was no social media back when I wrote that book. There was no post-COVID isolation habit. There was no ultra-reliance on our devices. Women... And men, too, in some ways are so much more feeling alone and lonely today than they used to be. And then another aspect of that, as I began thinking about writing this and researching and talking to other people, is that I realized as much of an extrovert and a people person that I am, I was doing a whole lot less in-person interaction with others. And my daughter even told me one day, Mom, you don't have any friends anymore. And I said, what do you mean? I have tons of friends. She goes, I'm not just talking about your writing clients and the people you meet within ministry and stuff. Friends, do you go out and do anything with anybody? Do you have any more lunch appointments that are not business related? Do you just have somebody to talk to when you're lonely? And I thought, well, you know, I talked to God. And yet I realized what she was saying is true because we can become so busy and And if you work at home like I do and you're on the computer a lot, that can take the place of, you know, we can become so productivity-oriented that we prioritize productivity over people. And I didn't realize that's what I was doing. And I had to start being intentional about reconnecting with people like you said you did, people you knew long ago. people you were close to at one point, but busyness or just that idea that we have everything we need in front of us on our screen was just kind of being a distraction or an obstacle to maintaining and developing those relationships. And then another side note of what happened, I learned as I was writing this book, I learned that my mother had less than six months to live. And immediately I thought, who will be here? for me in this yes I have a family but I had heard through the years certain friends and people who had said a daughter losing a mom is unlike anything else and that frightened me a little and I thought my husband you know is there for me but there are things he will not understand and there are things I'm going to need to be able to talk to and I immediately got out my phone called and texted most people because it's easy to text right and I said pray for me I'm losing my mom. I remember you were there at one point. It will be good to know you're there for me now. And immediately I got responses. And precious people, some of them women's ministry directors who booked me to speak years ago, things like that, they were constantly in touch, letting me know they were praying for me. And that last week of her life, I didn't have time to let people know what was going on. But somehow they knew because the body of Christ is kind of like we get connected through the Holy Spirit. And they had just started texting me and saying, I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. Just laboring in prayer for you as you labor to help your mom leave this earth as she labored to help you enter it. I mean, they said beautiful things that just kind of kept me going. But I needed that human connection.
SPEAKER 07 :
interaction with people well and what a simple solution to your loneliness to initially you know reach out to people that you knew that you would need you know even via text in a simple way to kind of do that initial you know reach out so let's talk about some of the solutions that you've found to loneliness that was obviously one but you know to help other people maybe make that trip out of loneliness possible
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes. You know, I think one of the things that makes us feel lonely is we feel that nobody can relate or nobody can understand or people are busy and they don't want me to burden them with how I feel. And we crave that sense of sameness. And I think it's why, you know, certain grief support groups or small groups at church or moms groups are just so prevalent today is because we kind of crave that interaction with other people that are going through the same things or have been there before. And so one of the things, the first thing I suggest is to surround yourself with growing believers, with people who have been through things that you have or people that you can just open up with because sometimes when we begin to talk about what we are feeling we will immediately discover that other people have either been there or are feeling the same now and that's a huge comfort so you know surrounding yourself with people and then seeking out one or two accountability partners to help you grow you know seeking a mentor I've always been, you know, looking toward older people in my life who have been through seasons before me. I realized, you know, I'm the old person now. And yet that third step, start pouring into others and God will pour into you. I found that even as I say, God, show me who is lonely, who I can pour into. As I begin to invest in others, that ends up just kind of feeling a need in my own life, too, because there is companionship and there is that sameness and that oneness that we can experience with others. So while we sometimes think, oh, poor me, I'm lonely, nobody is reaching out to me, when we take the initiative to reach out to someone else, what goes around comes around. That's often when God ends up encouraging us simply because we encourage someone else.
SPEAKER 07 :
I love that. I love that idea. All right. I want to make sure that people can find you and find your books. And so give us a good website.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yes, I'm at strengthforthesoul.com, strengthforthesoul.com. You can contact me there. All my books are there. You can read about my ministry, even short video clips you can find there of speaking I've done and just moments to encourage you.
SPEAKER 07 :
Wonderful. The new loneliness, nurturing, meaningful connections when you feel isolated. Thank you so much, Cindy.
SPEAKER 05 :
You're welcome. Thank you.
SPEAKER 02 :
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SPEAKER 03 :
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SPEAKER 07 :
Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with the Good News, and we are pleased to welcome Denise Schick. She is the author of Moving Forward in Hope, a devotional for families of LGBTQ plus loved ones. Welcome, Denise.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, thank you so much. It's great to be here.
SPEAKER 07 :
Okay. I love the quote at the top of your press release that says, we have a choice to make. We either invite God into our pain and allow him to minister to us, or we push him aside and attempt to navigate our losses and challenges without him. I think that's beautiful. Tell us a little bit about your book, Moving Forward in Hope.
SPEAKER 04 :
Moving Forward in Hope is a 90-day devotional for families that have a loved one. that is identifying as LGBT, you know, however they're identifying. It's a matter of learning through our journeys the fact that God is with us, and through our journeys we also endure, to me, a test of our faith. You know, will we allow God into our pain? Will we allow him into the inner parts of our heart that are so broken and so shattered, and yet to trust him to walk with us through that heartache and through the difficult situations that families face.
SPEAKER 07 :
You know, I think about my aunt, who was a lifelong attendee of her church in Maine, and she built her house herself when she was 19 with a book. And she had her siblings that she was raising with her and then her baby in like a little baby backpack. when she had poured the foundation and then on the weekends her husband would help her but she was a real go-getter and i remember being at the church once and them talking about how much money she donated and there was a whole room in the children's program like a whole room that she'd had built for conferences and this that and the other and she really had been a huge supporter of a church and so when her only child got divorced and came out as gay, I know it was a real challenge and a struggle for her. But they, as a family, never stopped going to church. Her son never stopped going to the church. They were always welcomed at the church. And so she never lost her faith through all of that. And I get the feeling that your book is one that she would have really appreciated. So let's talk about some of the advice that you give people as they're going through this 90-day devotional.
SPEAKER 04 :
As they're going through it, to take the time that you need, that I needed, to meditate on God's Word, to take that time alone with Him so that He can fill us up, because there's just days when we're emptied. There's just nothing left at times with what each person faces and the heartache, the heaviness of it all. And again, I just encourage people, to trust God, to walk with God, because the enemy wants us to do the opposite, right? He wants us to think that God's not here in our prayers, that he's not our healer, he's not our fortress to run to. But yet when we look at the word of God, that's not what it says. And so as we look at God, as we dig into him, as we lean into him, that doesn't mean that we don't yell, we don't scream, we don't cry. He already knows those feelings. He wants to be there to comfort us, to make us strong, to help us persevere through the situations that we face.
SPEAKER 07 :
Absolutely. All right, so what was your impetus? What was your passion for writing this book? Why did you feel it was something that you could do to help others?
SPEAKER 04 :
You know, it was something that I needed when I was going through this so many years ago. Some type of resources that spoke about real life situations that people face to help me to know I'm not alone. And yet to be able to look at the word of God in each of these stories and how they apply not only to the story that's being told in the devotional, but in our own lives. And so just coming from a situation with my dad who identified as a woman and not having any resources that was really telling me other stories to help me to know we weren't alone, that my family was not alone in this. And always the importance, I'll say this time and time again, of how important our faith is to help us in these situations.
SPEAKER 07 :
Now, in terms of how you grew up, was faith always something that you leaned on and turned towards, or did you become a Christian as an adult?
SPEAKER 04 :
No, God was always real to me. I was actually raised Catholic. And I'm thankful for that past because at least I knew there was a God. I believed that Jesus Christ was real. And through those experiences of that, I learned how to lean on him as a nine-year-old girl going through the situation that I was with my dad. Now, I'm no longer Catholic. But again, it was a big part of the foundation of my faith of knowing God was real. It wasn't until I was 15 that I became a born-again Christian. And in that time, that is when I received my first Bible. And I was so hungry for what does God say about this? What does he say about dad's struggle? What does he say about what I'm going through? And I just, I devoured my Bible. I couldn't wait to get home. from my high school classes to go in my bedroom and just study the Word of God and to be able to absorb it, to absorb what the Word was saying.
SPEAKER 07 :
I love that I was saved when I was 13, and definitely life-changing, I think, for a teenager to have that foundation, just a wonderful thing to lean on. After having worked with people who struggle with gender identity, what do you believe— is behind people who identify as transgender what do you i mean a lot of people just believe it's not really a choice and this is something that you know they can't really decide for themselves and others you know obviously believe that society is a huge impact i definitely see a lot more kids because i've got three teenagers being confused about their identity and i also think a little bit denise i feel For the kids whose parents immediately embrace like, oh, you've been dressing like a boy and maybe making premature decisions to take action on their new identity. Where as I think about my cousin's kid who was going to prom with girls and thought she was a lesbian and now has a boyfriend and she's 17. And when I think about my daughter who always dressed like a basketball player and was always called a boy when she was little and is the most feminine freshman that you could find with the mascara and the long hair and her basketball uniform. And I feel like sometimes we like jump to conclusions and we don't just allow kids to be kids and to grow up first before we start kind of pushing them in a direction. That's one thing I do think society is, and I'm not making judgements about the people who are identifying. I'm making judgements about parents who jump the gun and decide, oh, you're 10 and you think you're a different identity or a different gender and let's act on that now. Because sometimes I feel like they just need to grow up and find their feet and find their identity themselves without us pushing them in a direction.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yes, you're so right. You know, when I was growing up, I was in the sandbox with the matchbox cars. My friend Jody and I climbed trees. We did everything that the boys did. You know, baseball, it didn't matter what it was. We played with the boys. We played with the boys' trucks. But that doesn't mean that we're a boy. And today's message is that if your children, if the boys like to play with dolls, well, then, you know, there really should have been a girl. So the messages that are given, culture and social contagion of what's going on with our younger kids, you know, so many young people that are identifying as transgender, but their friends are. And they're also pressured to fit in somewhere with LGBT. I just heard a story last week of a eight-year-old boy that goes into class and every Friday the teacher asks him, Do you still identify as a boy? And we'll ask the students. In front of people? Yeah, in the class. It's like they go through the class. Are you still identifying as a boy? Why are our teachers even asking the students this?
SPEAKER 07 :
You know, I think about my daughter. That reminds me of two stories. There was a young woman who, like you, was a tomboy. And she said she told her family that in class her teacher had said, somebody's like, well, there is a girl in here, you know, that does act like a boy and she likes hunting and this, that, and the other. And the teacher basically said, well, yes, this person, you know, might be gay. This person might be, you know, identifying or feeling like they're more like a man. And she was she was so upset. And she went home and asked her parents, like, I don't feel like I'm gay. I like to hunt with my dad. You know, I like to do this and the other. I just feel we're pushing them. And I think about my daughter. Two things happened. One, a girl came back from the bathroom who had always identified as a girl. And my daughter said, oh, she's back from the bath. may I go now because they're only allowed to go to the bathroom the girls one at a time the boys one at a time so at the top of her lungs this girl scrubbed this gal this person screamed at my daughter I told you I'm not a girl how many times do I have to say it you know and that's not how I identify it so my daughter got sent to the dean's office now in her case she was not bullying In her case, she'd always known this girl as a girl. But I got called by the dean saying that my daughter had referred to her as a girl when she came back from the bathroom. And my daughter asked if she could now go to the bathroom. And so she didn't get suspended or anything. She got her talking to and we got a warning. But there was no hate language or anything like put in her file. And then she has to put they, them or he, she, her. or he him on her paper in this particular class and she's like mom I don't want to put my gender identity on my paper I said you know what honey there are a lot of battles to fight and you know who you are and you don't have to put she her on anything outside of class but if they're demanding that you do that if they're forcing you to do that or you don't get a grade on your paper I know this is wimpy of me, but I just said just go along with it because this isn't really this isn't the hill that we're going to die on. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to fight this battle. Some other parent might want to, but they're forcing them to think too much about their sexual identity when they're little kids. Maybe they just feel like having fun with their friends.
SPEAKER 04 :
Right. And they should be learning more of social skills. You know, and other things.
SPEAKER 07 :
Financial skills. He has so many other things. Let them decide on their own.
SPEAKER 04 :
As they get older. Yes. What about our mathematics and our English? History. You know, there's so many skills that children are not learning because there's so much time and energy and resources. that are built on how do we have the children identify somewhere as LGBTQ plus.
SPEAKER 07 :
And, you know, my cousin's kid who brought the, you know, the girl to prom. And so, you know, she dressed in a suit and I think that the girl dressed her date wore a dress. So she was kind of identifying more as a boy at the time. No one said a word. Grandma and grandpa didn't say a word. The aunt and uncles, the cousins, no one said a word about it. Just thank you for sending pictures. You look so beautiful. Nothing, right? And then now she is dressing like a girl and she's going to prom with a boy and she's a long-term boyfriend. We didn't make a big stink about it or say, oh, do you want to start taking hormones? We just let her be. And then she did actually identify as the gender that she was born into, female. But I just, gosh, can't we just leave these kids alone and let them grow up, Denise?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, terrific question. Why aren't they? I know by the time I was 11 years old with my dad's confusion and the fact of knowing when he was feeling this way, what he was doing and everything, I started to question, did God make him sick? Should I have been a boy and play that out in my bedroom? So many times through the years, I've sat down with pastors and I've said, if I was in school today at 11 years old, they would be telling me that I am a boy. and would be sending me down that pathway and wouldn't be letting my mother know what's going on or anything else. It's absolutely insane.
SPEAKER 07 :
I know, I just, you know, I listened to the debate, you know, between adults talking about it. And I just think we need to let them grow up. And then when they're 18 and over and 21, and they come to us with asking our advice, that's a different thing than us at 10 saying, oh, you seem to be dressing like a boy, you know, would you like to change your identity? I want to make sure people can find Moving Forward and Hope, a devotional for families of LBGTQ plus loved ones. Denise, where do they go?
SPEAKER 04 :
They can go to Amazon. They can go to our website, help4families.com or .org, and that'll take them to the resources that we have available. We also have another project that was released from this devotional called Moving Forward in Community that has some terrific families that were courageous enough to share their situations with QR codes that will direct people right into a video of to go with a biblical lesson.
SPEAKER 07 :
Oh, that's wonderful. Well, thank you, Denise. God bless you, and thanks for sharing your story.
SPEAKER 04 :
Thank you. God bless.
SPEAKER 01 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
SPEAKER 01 :
welcome to the good news with angie austin now with the good news here's angie
SPEAKER 02 :
Hey there, Angie Austin and Jim Stovall with the good news. Hey, Jim.
SPEAKER 03 :
It is great to be with you as always.
SPEAKER 02 :
You as well. We're talking about your winner's wisdom column and this week it's the price of tuition. But I thought we'd start with, you know, Michael Pelka and I've done radio for like a decade, I think now and not quite maybe, but we did a show together for years and we'd never met in person and we just met in person today, as you know. So we had to send you a picture right away because Mike met you through me and we both talk to you every week now.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, and, you know, it's amazing because in person I've never met either one of you, although as a blind guy myself, it's not a lot different, you know, but it's kind of out of sight, out of mind. But, yeah, I think it's so cool you guys got together. sent me the photo, and it's actual evidence that there is really a Michael Pelka.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 03 :
So that's good to know.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, and you know, it's funny because he was exactly like I thought. I mean, he's exactly like I thought he'd be, and speaking with him, we did a four-hour show every weekday, and I've seen a lot of his posts on social media and he's always golfing and I knew exactly what he'd look like, but he thought he'd have a very short period of time. Cause he said that Denver airport's too big and that he had to like, he's like, I'm getting all my steps in. I'm taking trip now, planes, trains, and automobiles. He's like, I'm barely going to have time to talk to you. So he walked by the table and he said, nice to meet you. And then kept walking out. Like he had to leave that quickly. And I'm like, it's classic Mike.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, that's Mike. And it is. And, uh, And he actually emailed me after the meeting with you and told me he got to meet you. But unfortunately, he was delayed. So his show is backing up from Tuesday to Wednesday this week. So, yeah, it's not as easy getting around as it needs to be. And that airport is – It would have been nice if they'd have built it in Denver.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, it takes a long time to get out there. I mean, the first time I drove there, I was like, wow. It feels like it's almost in another state, but it's way out on the plains. It feels like you're driving into the eastern plains. But, you know, they've started bringing Denver out to the airport. They've continued to build out towards it. So they're actually starting to build neighborhoods not that far from the airport, even though it used to be in the middle of nowhere. Yeah.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, and I will always be grateful for that. I owe one of my movies to that. I was staying at the Brown Palace there in Denver, and there was a movie producer there we'd met, and we just had not been able to come to terms on the deal. And he said, well, I've got to go to the airport. And I said, well, we have a car. We're going to fly out a little later. We'll take you. Well, because it's an hour, by the time we got through the city traffic and got out there, we were able to put together the whole movie deal, all the points, everything, and everything. If the traffic had been any worse, we could have written the script right there in the car. Oh, that's hilarious. So I will never complain about that airport.
SPEAKER 02 :
uh, you know, with, um, you know, driving out there for Mike, I was, I don't know how it worked out, but I was over two hours early. So I'm like, do I go home? And I'm like, no, it's too far because it's so far out there. But, um, he told me that he'd read your, um, the book that you made into your first movie, the ultimate gift. Cause he's trying to read 50 books this year. And I'm like, oh, Jim reads a book a day. And of course he knew that already. And, uh, I said, well, how, how was the ultimate gift? He goes, well, he made a movie out of it. I'm like, yes. I'm aware. And he says, it's great. It's great. They made a, it was his first like big movie. I'm like, yep, yep, yep. Remember I introduced you to Jim. So I know all this. So anyway, uh, he really enjoyed your book. He's trying to read, I think one of your books a month.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, and that, that's great. I just, uh, Mike is the, the two of you together was, was just absolutely fascinating. The yin and yang of, uh, of human existence. It was quite an experience talking to both of you. And, uh, and it's, it's ironic because, uh, You know, I talk to you about my column and then I talk to him about my column. And it's a completely different conversation. It is absolutely different. And for me, it's like, you know, as a blind person, if I go somewhere, I experience much of it through them. And there are some people, you know, you want to take to the party, the fair, the parade, the circus. That's you. There are some people you want to take to the lecture, you know, the museum, whatever. That's Mike.
SPEAKER 02 :
He's so sharp.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, he is. But for you, everything's a day at the beach. Everything's great. And Mike, if he finds the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, he's analyzing, why didn't we get two of these?
SPEAKER 02 :
Right, right. He's going to question the pot of gold and make sure it's legit.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah. And find out whether or not it's a Republican. Oh, he had, you'll have to ask him too. When you get your private time with him, he has three ideas of who he believes Donald Trump will choose as his VP candidates. So ask him about that next time you talk to him. It's pretty interesting. All right. And we'll see if he's right. Right. All right. Well, I've got two kids that are looking at colleges right now. So let's talk about your column, the price of tuition.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, you know, as you know, through the Stovall center for entrepreneurship at the university, uh, I interact with a lot of kids, and we have students from over 100 nations right now on campus, and it's really rather amazing. Tuition is unbelievably expensive, particularly from some of these people that come from third-world countries. I mean, going to college in America is quite a thing. But I always tell them, please remember, the price of tuition is the same whether you learn the lesson or you don't. And, you know, we all know about tuition and going to school and learning things in school. But in life, it's the same way. You know, life is always teaching us lessons. And failure is the tuition we pay for not learning. And you keep learning until you get it. So you keep failing until you get the lesson in it. The great philosopher Billy Joel once said, I am the entertainer. I had to pay my price. The things I did not learn at first, I learned by doing twice. And if you don't want to learn from Billy Joel, I get it. Churchill said that those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat it. You either learn from history or you get to do it over again. So I always tell people, you know, every time there's a problem, a challenge or whatever, that's a lesson learned. and you can learn it and not repeat it yourself, and you can help other people not repeat that. And then the converse is true. You can learn from other people's mistakes, and you don't have to burn your head on the stove if you just watch somebody else do it. You can say, you know, I believe I'll just bypass that lesson and check that one off and move on.
SPEAKER 02 :
I love that. And, you know, to see every failure, every trip, every stumble as a lesson, learning experiences, I think something that's becoming more trendy. It seems like for many years, many of us thought that failures were, you know, possibly a reason to quit. And now it just seems like part of the journey.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, I mean, failure is fertilizer for the future. And every time something happens bad, you know, the whole world's praying for that great idea. Angie, the only thing you got to do to have a great idea is go through your daily routine, wait for something bad to happen. Ask yourself, how could I have avoided that? And the answer is a great idea. And the only thing you got to do to turn that great idea into a great business is ask, how can I help other people avoid that? And the world will give you fame and fortune and everything you ever wanted. If you'll just help them solve their problems. And as in most things, uh, It ain't about you, and it ain't about me. It's about them. And solve their problems, and they'll give you anything you want. And my late great mentor, Zig Ziglar, always said, you can have everything you want out of life if you'll help enough other people get what they want out of life.
SPEAKER 02 :
I like that. You use a lot of quotes. In fact, you've got a book, another book coming out about famous quotes and speeches. And you talk about Winston Churchill and talking about learning from history. Those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat it. And I feel like many of us do that. We just keep doing things the same old way. And expect a different outcome. And we just get stuck in a rut like our brains wired a certain way. And we just thought, well, we'll try it again this way. We'll try it again this way. And so you talk about in the article when you're raising your kids or teaching students or whatever, that you shouldn't allow a mistake to be made without a change. You shouldn't allow a mistake to be made without a corresponding change. So stop doing it the same way, right?
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I don't quote him often, but Clinton said that never let a good crisis go to waste. And that's what he meant. I mean, hey, all this garbage, there's got to be a lesson in here somewhere. And because if we keep doing the same thing we've been doing, we're going to keep getting the same thing we always got. So when you or your kids or your students or anybody makes a mistake, the first thing, what did you learn? And what are you going to do different next time? Otherwise, we're going to be sitting right here at the scene of another accident having this same conversation.
SPEAKER 02 :
Now, when you talk about the Stovall Center for Entrepreneurship, I know you made a big donation and that was a, you know, a goal of yours from, you know, a young age that you wanted to make a big donation. Your name, you know, is a part of the, you know, building, et cetera. Now, what's your responsibility in terms of teaching these kids? Are you teaching them? Are you mentoring them? Like, how does that work? And is it just volunteer? Is it because your names, you know, associated with the program? How does that all work?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, I'm very glad to say we have professors and teachers and wonderful people there who work with the university. I do have an office there, and I lecture some of the classes, and I teach and mentor the kids. But, I mean, you have to have academic standards to be an accredited university, so thankfully we have people that are really, really good at that, and I try to stay out of their way. But I am excited to get to work with these young people who – you know, it's amazing. They haven't yet figured out what's impossible. And so they end up doing some things I would not have even thought feasible. And I watched them do that. And they just didn't know you can't do that. And that's an amazing thing to observe. And, you know, the energy they have and the excitement. And they're growing up in a different world. You You know, I'm working with people that, you know, were born after 9-11. I mean, it's a completely different environment. And, you know, they never have known a world without cell phones and digital media and total connectivity around the world. And, you know, that's been a big part of their lives.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, yeah. Well, and I love that, you know, you defer to the, you know, professors, but I'm sure that the kids also really want to pick your brain about, you know, what you've learned. And I know you have a big contest every year, too, with the students, not you per se, but just in general. Can you tell us about that?
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, it's called the Launch Competition. We do it every year. We just finished our fifth one. And, you know, think Shark Tank. But it lasts a whole year, and kids actually start real businesses. And then we bring in venture capitalists. We bring in investors and different people. And then we have a panel of expert judges that we bring in. And the kids put on a real business pitch for this new venture they've started. And it's not like playing Monopoly. These are real companies these kids have started. Truly amazing. And, you know, to see what they can do and, you know, really, really begin to change the world. And I always remind them, you know, education, particularly at this level, this is not something, you know, we're going to learn today and maybe someday in the by and by we're going to do some. Three of the five largest businesses on planet Earth started in somebody's dorm room. Three of the five. Wow.
SPEAKER 05 :
That is crazy.
SPEAKER 03 :
Let's don't wait around. I mean, you know, look at where, you know, Bill Gates came from and look at where Steve Jobs came from and look at what these people were doing. These aren't people that waited until, you know, all the lights were green before they left the house. These are people that left the cave, went out and killed something and brought it home. And it's time for you to go do something.
SPEAKER 02 :
I love it. One of our friend Mike was saying, why don't you get your kid to go on Shark Tank? Wouldn't that be cool? And I thought, wow, that would be cool since he has had his business since he was, you know, a kid. All right. Jim Stovall dot com. Jim Stovall dot com. We'll talk to you next week, friend. Thank you.
SPEAKER 03 :
I look forward to it. Thanks, Angie.
SPEAKER 02 :
Colorado Springs is listening to the Mighty 670 KLT.
SPEAKER 05 :
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SPEAKER 02 :
Hello there, friend. Angie Austin with the good news. Cal Phaibus is joining us. He is an author, but he has quite an interesting background. We're going to talk about his new book, and we are also going to talk about how he got there. And he is actually a Colorado guy and, you know, lives kind of in my neck of the woods, actually. So many of you listening may already be familiar with some of his desserts, interestingly enough. Welcome to the program, Cal Phaibus. Well, thank you. Thank you, Angie, for having me. All right. So you it's just funny because as we were talking in the break, we were talking about I want to move to Laguna and I live in Colorado and you have a house in Laguna Beach in California and also one here. And I had just had these advisories pop up on my phone about Laguna real estate. So I was like, oh, you're already living my life, Cal.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, it's actually Laguna Niguel, which is just just a little. inland from Laguna. So it's about a five-mile drive to get to the beach from here.
SPEAKER 02 :
Down that little canyon.
SPEAKER 06 :
It's a nice little condo. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, the weather is so beautiful there.
SPEAKER 06 :
It is. It's like perfect almost every day. A little chilly at night in the winter.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yes, yes. I used to live in Marina del Rey, and I agree with you. The beaches, I mean, people would be surprised to hear that, but it is a little chilly in the winter.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, so we walk the beach a lot, and you've got to take a coat and Make sure you have a hoodie or something because the wind blows.
SPEAKER 02 :
So tell us about your book. And then I want to get into a little bit into, you know, you and your background. So many people want to become authors and have other careers like you did and, you know, are afraid to take that jump, you know, to write a book.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah. And I've always had stories in my head, you know, but I never really thought too much about it. writing them down because I was busy with my career and, you know, raising a family. But I started to write a book and I found out I could do it.
SPEAKER 02 :
And fiction, is that your thing, fiction, that you wanted to write a novel?
SPEAKER 06 :
Yes, I only write fiction. So the book that we're going to talk about today, The Angel and the Amazing Life of Maggie Love, is my second book that I've published. And it's centered around a character, a woman that has killed 20 people in her life. And the first line in my book is, Maggie Love is finally dead. An angel who kind of narrates the story is in charge of Maggie, and his job is to simply save her soul. Now, how is he going to save a woman's soul that's killed 20 people? Well, he's determined. And he's going to find out how. And he does that by taking her back into her life and making her relive the crimes again. And she kind of has a lot of deja vu. She remembers, I've done this before. I get to do it again. She's actually excited about it. And the angel's job is to just try to get her to repent. And she won't do it. She feels she's totally justified with every murder she's committed. So it is a mystery story, but the mystery isn't really who did it. The mystery is whether or not her soul is going to be saved.
SPEAKER 02 :
Ah, okay. And then is this for you? Are you doing a series of books? Have you written more already? How are you going about this?
SPEAKER 06 :
I haven't written more. I'm working on another book, but it's not related to this one. I do have an idea for a sequel for this one, so there may be a series.
SPEAKER 02 :
And then your background, I was talking about that. You're a retired chef, and you've invented thousands of desserts for high-end restaurants, and you did not go to culinary school, which is unusual, I guess, for, you know, like I have a pastry chef in the family, and I know a lot of people specifically go to school, but you learned cooking. In a bakery, a small bakery in California. And then just to add a little bit more, and you can go into more depth, that you work for this big dessert company, Stephen Charles, which I wasn't familiar with. And there's one right down the road from me where I guess they do their major shipments. I can't just go in there and buy desserts. I think like big trucks go in there and they send them to like high-end restaurants. So talk a little bit about that, how you got started at the small bakery in California and then how you became so well-versed in creating these desserts.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, I didn't go to culinary school. That's true. I learned by just doing it, by getting up at 2 in the morning, going to work, baking every day in a small bakery, just learning the trade, learning how ovens work. Nobody ever taught me anything, learning how to read recipes. learning how to create recipes, which is even more important. And I have an older brother who was a natural entrepreneur, and he's just able to start companies and build them up to be very, very large. I went to work with him, first as a production guy, and then eventually, you know, we kind of figured out that I had a little bit of talent at creating desserts and creating recipes.
SPEAKER 02 :
So cool. Yeah.
SPEAKER 06 :
So I did that and we started to get into some major chains. The first big chain that we got into was the Red Lobsters. Since then, we've been into Olive Garden, Chili's. When we finally sold the company, our biggest customer by far was Starbucks. Oh, my goodness. And we have one very successful dessert in Starbucks. Well, there's actually different flavors of the same thing. And it is the cake pop.
SPEAKER 02 :
Oh, I knew you were going to say that. My daughter, she's 15. Faith, she's addicted to those. We get those all the time. They're so good.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, they're not very expensive. They're small. But, you know, people seem to love them. And we were making millions, you know, towards the end of my career. We figured out how to automate it. And, you know, nobody had ever done anything like that before. So we had to, you know, basically design the machines and
SPEAKER 02 :
know in the early years it was all done by hand wow but now now it's all it's all automated and same product that is so wild okay so um it the um i just actually ate a dessert last night from um olive garden it was like a oh gosh it was my daughter's but i'm probably gonna get in trouble for finishing it and it was um you know many layers you know chocolate chips and then dark chocolate and then a white layer and then a another chocolate layer and then like a cookie bottom so I'm just curious, because I think that'd be so fun, and I'm sure there's stress involved, and I know that especially doing the production for millions of cake pops isn't always fun, but how does the process work for you to come up with a recipe?
SPEAKER 06 :
The creative process is hard to describe. You have to see it in your head, and you have to taste it in your head, and You know, you put something in the oven and you think you got it and then you taste it and it's just not right. And then you do it again and you do it again and you do it again until you got the product that you want.
SPEAKER 02 :
That is so cool. I never thought about it, that you'd picture it and taste it in your head. You'd picture what it's going to look like, that cake pop, and then you know what it's going to taste like, but then it's too dry, then it's not vanilla enough, then the coating's too hard or whatever, and so you just keep retrying it. Oh, that's cool to know, because one of my kids is always looking at Instagram and finding recipes. Okay, that's another interesting thing you do. Besides being a retired chef, selling that company, working in a small bakery in California... Then you also, you know, become an author. But what's this about being a cartoonist?
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, yeah. I love to make these cartoons. They're on my Instagram. And I've developed a little bit of a following. Now, some cartoonists or, you know, maybe diehard cartoonists are kind of mad at me because I don't really draw. I'm an expert at manipulating a photo. So I can put a character into pretty much any scene I want. I can change his voice. I mean, I can change his facial features. I can change what he's doing. But I don't actually draw anything.
SPEAKER 02 :
Oh, that's funny. I'm on your, I found your page. And for people, it's Carl Fabus, but he goes by C.R. C.R. Fabus. And so you can see some of his, yeah, you've got a good little following. Okay. And so that's just kind of a little hobby of yours?
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, they're fun to make. And I enjoyed, you know, reading the comments that come back from some of the viewers. It's very satisfying.
SPEAKER 02 :
Oh, I bet it is. That's really cool. Okay, so you're living between Colorado and California. You're writing novels. You're working on another book. You're, I'm assuming, traveling because, you know, a lot of authors travel around. And then you've got four kids and four cats and one dog. Oh, my gosh. I have five pets, too.
SPEAKER 06 :
You do?
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 04 :
And I've got three teenagers.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah. Yeah, unfortunately we lost our dog a few months ago, but that happens, but, but, um, we still have the four cats and the four kids. And well, my, my kids are all grown up now. So two of them actually still live with me. Um, and, uh, my grandkids are actually, I have three of those and they're actually, one is going to turn the youngest one is going to turn 21 in June. Oh, cool.
SPEAKER 02 :
That's a fun age.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, a Vegas party for my grandkids when they turn 21.
SPEAKER 02 :
Oh, my goodness. That's so exciting. All right. Well, I always loved it because, you know, I've been doing news for over 30 years now and I've worked in L.A. for many years and San Diego, Santa Barbara, Denver on TV. And then I changed over to radio about 10 years ago. So I love asking people, you know, how they got the passion for what they do. And so you can go through your career if you want and go through, you know, talk about your writing or how you got the passion for the baking, et cetera. Where did all this come from? Tell me a little about your story.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, I, you know, as a young man, I was struggling. I worked in airline catering for a while. I wasn't happy with that. My brother already had a bakery and another brother bought a bakery in Ontario, California. And I went in half with him. And that's the earlier story that I said, that's how I learned how to bake. And eventually went to work for my older brother as a production guy and turned into a chef over the years. And at one time when our company was, really in a growth mode, I had 14 people working for me. 14 people creating desserts, some were clean up and all that, but I had about six other chefs under me. And we were creating a lot of desserts, putting a lot of things out. The customer that we deal with, the customers that we deal with are very picky. Most of them have been to culinary school and, you know, sometimes they're not easy to deal with.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 06 :
But if you just keep pushing it and keep making a dessert that's really good, they're going to recognize that.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 06 :
And then you get a big sale and it's very satisfying. Now, in terms... Go ahead. And as far as the writing goes, when my kids were growing up, I was telling them bedtime stories. And I made up these two bears. They're called Charlie and Harry. And I would tell them a story. And then, of course, the next night they wanted another one. I was under a lot of pressure. I had to come up with a new story like every night. And I finally decided to write them down. in the 90s, and I haven't published that book yet.
SPEAKER 02 :
Oh, that would be so cool. Go ahead, it's really funny, what?
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, it's really funny, and it's not really a kid's book. It's kind of like a book that anybody could enjoy, because it's funny.
SPEAKER 02 :
Well, we're out of time, unfortunately, but I want to make sure people can find you and your books and find out more about you. So what's the best place for us to find you and your latest book about Maggie Love?
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, my website is crfavis, that's F-A-B-I-S books.com, crfavisbooks.com. And that'll take you to my website. And from there, you can find Maggie. You can also find my first book, which is called Rome Never Fell. And there's some biographical stuff about me and what I've been doing and a few of the interviews I've done.
SPEAKER 02 :
Excellent. Well, Cal, thank you so much. It was a real pleasure having you on The Good News. Well, thank you so much for having me.
SPEAKER 06 :
It was so much fun.
SPEAKER 02 :
You bet. Thank you.
SPEAKER 01 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
Join Angie Austin as she hosts a heartfelt conversation with Grace Fox, diving deep into life's real struggles as shared through compelling stories. From personal journeys of letting go to understanding the psychological roots of attachment, this episode is filled with insight and introspection. Discover how faith and perseverance can transform arduous paths into enlightening experiences. The episode also shifts focus to the pressing topic of foster care, featuring expert insights from Kristen Pratt of Foster More. Learn about the challenges and triumphs involved in fostering and how communities can step up to support this vital cause. It's an episode that underscores resilience, hope, and the courage to face life's uncertainties. Immerse yourself in engaging narratives as our guests share their personal stories of overcoming journeys, the emotional ties to possessions, and the fortitude required in fostering. With thought-provoking discussions on securing peace through faith and fostering hope through love, this episode offers both encouragement and inspiration to navigate your life path.
SPEAKER 02 :
Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now with The Good News, here's Angie.
SPEAKER 06 :
Hello there friend, Angie Austin and Grace Fox. And today we are talking about real life struggles from her book, Fresh Hope for Today, Devotions for Joy on the Journey. Hey Grace. Hi, good to talk to you again. All right, so tell us about real life struggles.
SPEAKER 05 :
All right, so I wrote this one after interviewing a friend. Her name was Nancy. She lives in Oregon, actually. And she talked to me about how she and her husband had decided to take a hike. And so they trudged, as she described it, trudged four miles uphill through the forest. And they began second-guessing their wisdom in choosing to do this hike. but she said that they persevered and they got to the top of a, when they got to the top, it was this meadow that was just filled with flowers and glacier fed streams. And she said, it was just so beautiful. They sat down and had a picnic there and thoroughly enjoyed their time. It was that kind of a space where you work so hard to get somewhere. And when you, when you finally arrive, it's just so beautiful. You don't want to leave. And that was like their experience. And, And so when I heard her story, I thought, well, that is like real life in that sometimes we end up on a journey that is so arduous. And it's maybe not by choice, but it's just something that happens. We end up on this path that is so hard. And we just don't know that we're ever going to reach whatever it is we're trying to reach. But finally, the Lord just brings us into a place of rest. and it's it's a place that our soul is longing for after all of that maybe hardship that we've just come through but where we can sit down and we can rest and we know that he's with us and we know that he's got us and he's holding us close but wow it's you know the destination of getting there and experiencing that rest for our soul is good but the pathway to getting there is sometimes really hard
SPEAKER 06 :
Can you think of examples like in your own life where that really applied to you as well? And you're like, oh, I'm going to write this because I can really relate to this.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, I think that when my husband and I sent the Lord nudging us to purge almost all of our earthly belongings to move aboard our sailboat home. And we didn't have a boat. It's not like we had this boat sitting around and we could just move into it. We had to find one that worked for living aboard and find a place to moor it. It was a journey that took a lot of energy mentally and emotionally as I had to part with all of these things that I counted precious. It was a path. It was arduous. And we didn't have a long time to do it. Once we got on it, once we actually found a boat and bought it, we had like six weeks to get rid of our stuff. And it was a path that wore me out in some ways, just emotionally every day, getting up and sorting again and purging again and saying goodbye again to these things that we'd held dear. But once we completed that and arrived, moved into the boat, settled in, And realize that, wow, you know, like this was a time of really stretching our faith and growing our faith. But we saw God come through. And it was a time of thanking him for that opportunity to walk that tough path. But to come to that place of knowing full well that we had obeyed him completely. And there was peace in that, even though I'd said goodbye to all these things that I'd once held dear, there was peace in my heart and there was joy in having obeyed. And it was something that, yeah, we walked that path and it was hard, but wow, it's been worth every step.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, it's interesting you talk about, you know, peace of letting go of things that you once held dear. It's so hard sometimes to part with them. And there's some organizer lady that, you know, basically says, if you feel, if that item brings you joy, you know, keep it. And of course, if it's something you haven't, you know, used or worn or whatever for many years, you know, even if you're like, oh, I might wear that again. There's really no sense in keeping it. But I wonder why we have such a hard time letting things go. My... Mother-in-law has... The family calls her an organized hoarder. And so she has a basement that's probably 1,500 square feet. And it's the most organized basement stuffed to the brim with like 200 purses, you know, 400 pairs of pants. And they're those stretch pants that... you know like senior citizen ladies wear that you can slide on and have thanksgiving dinner and they still fit just fine in every color of the rainbow and then i'm like well why are there like 20 yellow pairs well she used to be super skinny so there's like you know three pairs and a size four three pairs and a size six three pairs and i'm not i'm like oh my gosh like you could never if you wore these pants every day like You probably, she couldn't even wear them like at the end of her life now and go through all those pants. You know what I mean? Like it's just crazy to me and she won't let us down there. Like my son really wants to go down there because he's a thrifter and he's been allowed down a couple of times like with oversight. Like she'll be down there with him. And he might get like a hockey jersey that my husband had when he was little. Or this last time my son came home with a stack of photographs of like my husband when he was, you know, a kid and in college. And then some from when we first got married, like probably 50 pictures. So that's what he came home with. But usually he gets like a little thing. I even got down there. Oh, I couldn't believe that was allowed down. But I needed one of those like shopping bags kind of like to take on the plane that... you know fooled up and she had some nicer ones down there that were like designed or whatever so I found a small one that you could maybe put like the size of like two bottles of wine maybe so that was perfect for like my snack on the plane I go oh look there's another one there's a matching one I'm thinking oh I should take both right she goes oh no no no no no don't get greedy girl And I'm looking around, right? Even three of the purses that I gave her, they're just hanging down there collecting dust, right? Like coach bags. And I'm like, are you sure you've never used that coach bag? Are you sure you want to keep that? Like I gave that to you 20 years ago. I would definitely use that. Oh, no, no, no, no. And I'm like, what? What is it? I don't understand the psychology grace behind that kind of hoarding. You know what I mean? And I know they say it can relate back to maybe losses. Like her dad was a police officer and he was killed in the line of duty when she was like maybe 8, 9, 10. And I've heard that like losing, like if you lose a child or lose something big, like somehow hanging onto these things. And I know that that's not like the Christian way to do it. We're not supposed to get our like comfort and our like, you know, out of things. They're not supposed to give us like that comfort. Right. But it's perplexing to me. Like I can't wrap my head around it, but it's got to have something to do with it giving you comfort or comfort.
SPEAKER 05 :
um security something like that you know that we're supposed to be secure through christ but apparently we're secure through 200 pairs of pants and 200 purses yeah the word security came to my mind as you were talking and i think that's it is that we look to things for our security but if that house burned down if that house were to burn down today how would she respond right like if she found her security in those things that'd be a significant loss for her But the one thing about hanging on to the Lord and finding our security in him is he's never going to leave us. Nothing's ever going to take him away from us. The scripture says in Romans that nothing separates us from his love. And so no matter what happens, even on those tough walks that we take through life, sometimes doesn't matter where he leads us or what he asks us to go through or what he allows in our life. still we can find hope and we can find peace and we can find joy if our security is in him and not in stuff that can be gone in a heartbeat.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, and I think with so many of the people, I keep seeing these pictures because I've got so many friends in the news business in Los Angeles. And one of my girlfriends went out really early this morning. And, you know, I don't think we can really wrap our heads around the loss that those people experienced, right? And I know everybody says, well, you know, you still have your life and things can be replaced, etc., etc. But it's a whole... change of like all those lives because it's not like a house in your neighborhood burns down and oh you get rid of it you rebuild like it's so toxic up there and now they'll have problems with mudslides right but your grocery store is gone your library is gone your mechanic is gone all your neighbors homes are gone so like then you go up there and you rebuild and in the midst of all this toxic you know material that's up there and even working up there you know how how easy is it going to be to get workers that want to go through all this burnt toxic you know you know destruction that they need to throw into a big dumpster and you know start from the ground up and then the soil and i don't know just that kind of loss um you know, being secure in Christ, we're supposed to find our security there. But I can imagine when you return to your neighborhood and you don't even know if there's a possibility of you rebuilding, like, I'm very curious to see what it'll be like in 20 years. I'm assuming the oceanfront Malibu homes where those people have money coming out of their ears and they're like $10 million houses, those will get rebuilt because even if you don't have insurance money, you're loaded and you can rebuild. And the people in Pacific Palisades, you know, those are very expensive homes too in the millions, but some of them may have been in a different position of maybe owning it for 30 years and they they aren't multi-millionaires it just became millionaires because the you know real estate values went up so much but you know i'm just very curious to see what that will be like in 20 or or so years if it is all rebuilt because it is such a prime spot but i sometimes i feel like so the picture that i had when my friend sent all these pictures out today um was of just kind of despair and just kind of like a hopelessness that many of them feel about, you know, where do we go from here kind of feeling. And I think some of us have that feeling about other things in life, you know, where we end of a relationship oh gosh where do i go from here or the loss of someone a loved one you know how do i work my way through this how do i claw my way out of this i just watched a documentary um on avicii this dj who was so talented just oh so talented and he committed suicide and i just thought to myself like gosh, you were such a genius with creating music. If you didn't want to do those concerts, couldn't you just stop doing the concerts and just create with other, he was working with the top of the top of the top, you know, musicians. And couldn't you just do that? Like, couldn't you see your way out of it? And I know that that's why we have faith. I know that's why we have like the Lord to turn to. But I just think people get lost in a sea of despair sometimes.
SPEAKER 05 :
I agree with you on that. I think depression and anxiety are on the rise. And I just want to encourage listeners today to not give up, to keep putting that one foot in front of the other, just like my friend and her husband, as they were going on that path. They didn't know it was going to be four miles long. They didn't know how long it was going to take or how arduous, how steep it got. They just heard it was a great path. So, you know, the path that we end up on, we don't know where it's going to lead to eventually. We don't know sometimes how steep it's going to get. But like these poor people that have lost so much out in California, they don't know how long this is going to take before they can return to their life or what their life is going to look like. What is their new normal going to be? Where is their workplace going to be? Where are their kids going to go to school? What about their church family if they lost their church? So, you know, everything is disrupted in their lives. But to not give up hope, just every day put one foot in front of the other on that path and persevere because eventually it will even out. We don't know what that will look like. There are no guarantees, but It's going to be okay is what we want to say, right? It's going to be okay.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, I always love, you know, your Fresh Hope for Today devotions. That's the book, Fresh Hope for Today, Devotions for Joy on the Journey. If you want some hope, it's a great book. Always enjoy talking to Grace Fox. And if you want to find her and her books, you can go to gracefox.com. Thank you, friend. Thank you.
SPEAKER 03 :
Manitou Springs is listening to the Mighty 670 KLT.
SPEAKER 01 :
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SPEAKER 06 :
Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with the good news. Well, you know, if you've listened to the program over the years, I guess I've been on, gosh, radio and TV like 25 years. So many of you know my background and I have a real heart for foster care because I spent some time in foster care growing up and really was appreciative of the families that took me in. Joining us is Kristen Pratt, and she is with Foster More, the leadership team. Welcome, Kristen.
SPEAKER 04 :
Thank you so much for having me, Angie.
SPEAKER 06 :
All right, so let's just start off, first of all, I know that there is a need for foster care. I've seen books where it's like page after page after page of kids that are looking for homes. So is this crisis in America worse now? And just tell us about the foster care crisis in general.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, so... Any given day, it fluctuates a bit, but there are approximately 400,000 children in foster care in America. So it is, it has seen some slight improvements the last few years, but a lot of those kids are experiencing, you know, over two to three placements a year, the majority of them. And so there's a real need for loving, stable homes for these kids who are facing a lot of obstacles.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yes. Oh my goodness. All right. So I know that you guys do some research and there was a barrier, a significant barrier preventing, you know, families from stepping forward to, I'll tell you what my mind would be. Well, first of all, I have three teenagers, five pets and off and on my 82 year old mom. But my barrier would probably be my husband. But I might be able to work on him like once the kids are gone, because they're all in high school now. But the barrier for me is my spouse, like I would do foster care. And I know it's rough. I don't have any fairy tale like version of how difficult it could potentially be. So what are the barriers that people see in terms of becoming foster parents?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, I mean, that is a barrier, like your spouse, you have to both be on board. But We always tell people, too, there's a need for foster parents of all kinds, all ages, you know, empty nesters, young people, older people, single people. So there's really, you know, anyone can step up there. And one of the things that we found that people would say is that they couldn't take the time off work. So they'd say, well, my job doesn't allow for me to take that time off work. And, you know, like there's a lot that goes into that. Um, when the child is placed in the home, not only do you need that time to bond with, with some child who has by definition experienced some trauma, but you also need the time to get them enrolled in a new school and doctor's appointments and, you know, all the appointments. So you really, it's important to have that time off when the child joins a home and a lot of businesses don't provide for that. And it stops a lot of potential foster parents from moving forward when they find out that information.
SPEAKER 06 :
Um, have you, have you, like, is this something that you try to address with businesses to try to, I know that my, my station that I worked for one of the gals on the, one of the weather women, uh, adopted a child and she got, you know, the typical time off that you would get. But in this case it was an infant, but I know some businesses do give you time off, but I would. assume with a single parent that that would just kind of like you know take that option off the plate for them to become a foster parent but do um does the foster care system help with things like um you know daycare if you're getting like a kid that's two three four that needs you know daycare during the day they do there are it depends on the state you live in but there are some you know provisions for that and that's another thing that we work with businesses like if a business has on-site child care um we ask that you know
SPEAKER 04 :
youth in foster care if someone becomes a foster parent their child can be um immediately have access to the to the facility yeah but um yeah one of the things we realized is that a lot of the businesses that were offering like you were talking about adoption paid time off for adoption or birth foster care was just overlooked because yes you know a lot of people think of foster care as a road to adoption. And so they get, you know, the time off when the child is adopted, but you really need that time off when the child is placed in the home. And the child is not always adopted in foster care. About half the time they're reunited with the parents. So we need all different kinds of homes, people that want to adopt, people that want to be there for a family that needs some support. And so we want to make sure that businesses are specifically giving that time off for just being a foster parent
SPEAKER 06 :
Now, I understand that Foster More is obviously helping with this whole workplace initiative, you know, trying to get places to make it more, you know, user-friendly to become a foster parent. Can you talk about that?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah. So at Foster More, we have sort of like a ladder of engagement on our website. We try to engage people in all different ways. So, you know, if you want to learn about becoming a mentor for youth in foster care, if you want to have the opportunity to pack a duffel bag or get involved and volunteer in different ways, you can start on our website to do that. And one of the tabs on the website is to become a foster parent, where you can fill out a little form, and then we can connect you with someone, depending on where you live, someone in your local area that can help you learn about becoming a foster parent. And the same thing for the workplace pledge, there's a tab on the website where you can learn more about If you're a business owner or an employee and you're interested in having your business become officially foster-friendly, you can do that on the website, too, and we'd be happy to talk more to anyone about their business becoming foster-friendly.
SPEAKER 06 :
All right. I'm just wondering, you know, for people listening today who are thinking about becoming a foster parent, I know a lot of it seems like overwhelming and, you know, all the things you have to tackle to be approved, et cetera. So how do you recommend people get, you know, started on the process? Obviously your website with all the tabs, you know, a really good idea. But how can someone personally, I mean, talking to someone, that's a great idea that you just gave us. What else?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, well, again, research shows that it takes about 18 months to two years for people. Once they start thinking about becoming a foster parent, you know, do you have the idea to actually become a foster parent? So, you know, it does take, and as it should take a lot of thought for people, it takes a lot of research. So it's something you can start looking into. It's a little bit different than requirements in every state. You can start asking people about it. You can look into other ways to, to get involved and volunteer first. I mean, the need is great for foster parents, but if you want to learn more about foster care, you can volunteer. There are tons of amazing organizations all across the country doing great work. You can learn more about how to get involved in different ways. you know, maybe on the path to becoming a foster parent, as well.
SPEAKER 06 :
Now, in your particular case, what I always love to get people's passion for things, obviously, I'm interested in this topic, because I live with families and relatives, and I only had one, quote, unquote, official foster home, but I had many places where I stayed, you know, so what what what is behind your passion for this kind of work?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, I've always been involved in working with kids. I have a background in special education and I became a CASA, which is a court appointed advocate. And that's something people can look into as well, where you support a youth in foster care, you go to court with them and you're sort of their mentor and their person along the way. And so I learned a lot about foster care that way. And just, you know, the more it's something that, like I was saying, people don't talk about that much, but it's such a big issue. And once you, it's like you can't unsee, you know, what you've seen and what you've learned. And it really requires so many more people to step up in any way that you can. And I think it's something that you realize, like, we're all connected to this issue. It's not just a sort of other or someone, you know, far off that you don't know. Like you said, like almost all the time, When we talk to people at businesses, we hear stories like yours where it was like I was in foster care. My cousin was in foster care. My parents were. I was a foster parent. And so so many people are connected. And it's just not only when you provide the workplace benefits, you're also getting people to talk about it, too, which is so important. And that's why we really appreciate you having us on, too, so we can talk about it.
SPEAKER 06 :
Now, I'm wondering in terms of I know that there's like people are thinking, oh, foster care, you know, I'm going to have this kid for 18 years. But there are other, you know, that sounds terrible, but I said it like that. But you know what I mean? Like people are overwhelmed by the prospect of having a child that long or maybe someone, you know, like myself, who's already raised their kids, who's maybe looking at teens or something of the sort. I know you can specify what you're interested in, but is there also like emergency short-term care where you might just have a baby for a week or, you know, like shorter-term options per se? Now, one of my girlfriends, she's a nurse, her husband's a doctor. They did have a short-term situation. And then once the little girl had stayed with them for quite some time, she told me, well, we're going to adopt her. And I was like, wow, like your kids are in college, like yikes. And she said it's the right thing to do because she'd been with them for so long.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah. So most places you can sign up for respite care. So that's basically like giving a foster parent a weekend break or a few day break. Oh, I've never heard of that. Yeah. So that's a really cool way to sort of like dip your toe in and get involved. It's called respite care. And also there's a really huge need for people that don't want to adopt from foster care that they just want to support. Because like I was saying, the goal of foster care, the ultimate goal is is to support whole families so that kids can be reunified. And that, you know, doesn't always happen. And sometimes, you know, the best situation is for them to stay with the foster parents. But if at all possible, you try to support a whole family so that the child can be reunited with their biological parents. And that requires people to step up temporarily, right? Like that's so important. And I think a lot of times people think of it more as like a road to path to adoption, which it can be. But there's a huge need for people that want to just be there and provide a safe, loving, supportive space for a child in the family who's going through a crisis.
SPEAKER 06 :
All right. We only have a couple of minutes left, but I can't believe I've never heard of respite care. Okay. So would you keep the child for the day or is this something like more like several days or do you kind of take them maybe on? I know CASA, they take them on like outings and things like that from their foster situation. So what are the possibilities for respite care for a foster parent?
SPEAKER 04 :
So respite care, you know, I think it depends on each in each state. I think it's a little bit different, but most of the time it's, you know, two, three days you're certified as a foster parent. So you would have to get the certification, like, you know, the cost of you're not, you have to have like a background check and everything, but you're not certified as a foster parent. So if you're doing respite care, you have to go through the whole process of making sure your home is suitable and everything. And then it would be, I think the time really varies, you know, it could be, Two nights, three nights a week. It's just really that time, like say a foster parent needs a break or is going on vacation or has a family emergency, you know, and they need to go out of town. So someone providing respite care would give them that.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, I think about, you know, business trips. Okay, we have one minute left. Tell me your takeaway. What do you want to tell people that are, like, kind of on the fence? Like, what do you want people to know if you had a one-minute elevator speech to give to us?
SPEAKER 04 :
I think the main thing we want people to know, and this is what we say at Foster Mer, these kids are amazing, and they're resilient, and they have the potential to overcome anything, and they really just need someone... to step up and be there for them. The outcomes for kids in foster care are not great, and that can change if we as a society and as individuals step up and are there for these kids.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, I sure appreciate all that you do. My foster care situation was quite interesting because I come from a family where my dad has his PhDs, well-educated, but we had a lot of, he was estranged from our family for like 35 years. And then one of my brothers was murdered. Another one ended up homeless. Wow. Here I graduated top of my class. I worked full time all through high school and college. So for somebody listening, just the opportunity to stay with my foster family and other families that really cared, I think really made a difference in my life and where my first job was at NBC News out of college in Los Angeles. So thank you, Kristen, for all you do for others. Really appreciate you.
SPEAKER 04 :
Thank you so much, Angie. I'd love to hear more about your story.
SPEAKER 06 :
I'd love to talk again. Thanks, Kristen.
SPEAKER 02 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
