Join us as we examine the timeless principles of pride and humility, drawing from the profound insights of Ronald L. Dart. Through engaging anecdotes and scriptural references, uncover strategies to recognize and control pride before it leads to contention and division. Discover how choosing humility, even in the face of certainty, can transform our personal and professional relationships and align us with divine wisdom.
The CEM Network is pleased to present Ronald L. Dart and Born to Win.
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We all know that too much pride is a bad thing. And we all know that humility is a virtue. But what in the world are you supposed to do about pride when you really are good at something? Perhaps the best there ever has been. You’ve just run the mile in record time. World record. Nobody has ever run the mile that fast before. What are you going to do? Stand around and dig a toe in the dirt and say, oh, shucks, I’m really not all that fast. I just got lucky today. Maybe I had a tailwind and so forth. Don’t give us any of that. Anybody who can even come close to a world record in a mile is good. And when you’ve broken the record, you’re the best. And, of course, the whole world knows that Muhammad Ali is the greatest, right? Well, what are you supposed to do about it if you really are good? How can you be humble? You remember a country song a few years ago that went, Oh, Lord, it’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect in every way. Well, you can’t ignore this. Life and the Bible tell us that humility is better than pride. I have to conclude that humility is an important grace when Peter writes something like this. He said in 1 Peter 5, verse 5, Likewise, you younger, submit yourselves to the elder. Yea, all of you be subject to one another, and be clothed with humility. For God resists the proud, and gives grace to the humble. Now, you know, this may be one area where man is like God, because the truth is, you and I do exactly the same thing. We resist the proud, and we give grace to the humble. We’ll give much more time to a guy who is humble. So humility is an important element in making life work. People will like you better. They’ll be more likely to cooperate with you. They’ll go along with you. Get prideful. They’ll bristle. They’ll back off. They won’t want to help you. You know, having talented children is a source of joy and great pride. Having talented children who display humility is really special. So what do you do about this question of pride and humility? Do you fake it? Pretend? And is pride really all that bad? Shouldn’t a proper kind of pride cause us to shine our shoes and comb our hair and wear clothes that match? And isn’t this good? Well, you know, pride and humility exist in, what shall we say, in two places. They exist in the heart, and they exist in behavior. We’ve been talking a lot in this program about what makes life work and what turns us into losers. And we’ve been rummaging around in the book of Proverbs to dredge up the wisdom of the ancients, the teachings of God, and to try to understand exactly what it is that makes a life work and what is it that causes it to come unstuck. In the book of Proverbs, we find a lot of help on the questions of pride and humility. Take, for example, Proverbs 13, verse 10. Only by pride comes contention, but with the well-advised is wisdom. Only by pride comes contention. You know, when you think about all you know about arguments and bickering and contention and strife, you know that pride is a factor, don’t you? Intuitively, we know that all this bickering and contention and strife wouldn’t exist if there were no pride involved in it. You know, it’s very important to us as human beings to be right. We really want to be right. We try to be right. And what seems to be almost as important, maybe even in some ways more important, it’s important that we be seen to be right. You know, you would think that it would be enough for us to take a look inside ourselves and know that we are right, smile smugly and go on our way and not care very much what other people think. But not many of us are that way. Most of us want someone else to agree that we’re right. So what do you do when you are certain that you are right and you find yourself in contention with a fool who can’t see that you are right? And naturally, if he can’t see that you’re right, he must be a fool, right? Now remember, humility is more than a state of mind. Humility is a behavior. What you can do is stop the argument. Well, how do you stop an argument? Well, have you ever heard that it takes two to argue? Of course you have. So, if you stop arguing, the argument is over. Right? But it’s hard to let go when you know you were right. Right? Consider this, though. Proverbs 12, verse 15. The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he that listens to advice is wise. Now, if you just think about it for a moment, this fellow you’re arguing with is as convinced he’s right as you are. And if you consider him a fool, you’re looking at a living demonstration of the statement, the way of a fool is right in his own eyes. On the other hand, so is your opponent in this argument. He also is looking at a fool who is right in his own eyes. Now, just because you think you are right doesn’t really mean a lot. You can still be a fool and think you’re right. And what if there is something in all this argument that you haven’t thought about? Remember, the man on the other side of the argument is convinced he is right too. Here’s a question for you. Do you know why he thinks he is right? Do you understand his point of view? What I mean by this is this. I mean, have you dissected his argument? Have you listened to him all the way through? Have you asked a few careful questions to be sure that you know what he’s talking about? You know, you can stop arguing while you continue to converse. What you do is switch from argument mode into learning mode. Well, give me a break. This guy’s a fool. How can I learn from a fool? Oh, that’s easy. You ask questions. It seems to me there’s some value in understanding how even a fool’s mind works. I mean, consider yourself in a laboratory and you’ve come up against a guy who’s an absolute idiot and doesn’t know how to argue a point. Isn’t it of some value to you to know how his mind works, to understand how it is that foolish people can come to such firm conclusions about things they don’t understand? Ask questions. Search it out. Maybe when you fully understand why he thinks the way he thinks, you’ll be able to see how you can resolve the difficulty with a fellow. You know, I’ve got a lot of experience in my life with arguments, both as a participant and as an observer. And I can tell you one thing all arguments have in common. It’s extremely rare for either side to try to understand the other side’s point of view. Next time you’re around people arguing, just take a while, shut up, sit there, listen carefully to what they’re saying, and see which one of the two is trying to understand what the other person is saying. Generally speaking, we listen for a few moments, and when our turn to conversation comes, we step up to the plate and we try to bat down the other guy’s arguments, or we try to knock him out of the park. We try to beat him into submission, as it were, with argument and logic and proof and text and so forth. But that never really seems to go anywhere. Because when you quit talking, here he comes back again, and he’s trying to belt your arguments out of the park. It’s just a question of trying hard to overcome the other person. Probably the most frustrating thing about arguments is that people don’t listen to one another. They don’t try to understand an argument before they try to counter it. So while you may have a little trouble feeling humble, there is a lot of wisdom in behaving with humility. Oh, wait a minute. I see what we’re going to do here is we enter into this argument. I know I’m right. I’m even a little bit cocky about how right I am. And I know the stupidity in this guy’s argument. But there is a certain advantage in me behaving like a person who wasn’t cocky, who isn’t cocky, in behaving like a person who is considerate of the other person, who is thoughtful about what the other person is saying, who is respectful of what the other person is saying. So, no matter how cocky you feel inside, there is a set of behaviors that will serve you well. They involve a gracious consideration of the other person’s feelings, a gracious endeavor to understand the other argument, and a kind response to the argument that takes into account the other man’s feelings. I think you’ll be surprised how many arguments you can resolve if you will just allow the other person to save a little face. Notice, I said you can resolve these arguments, not win them. I am not sure you ever win an argument. I’ll explain that further when I come back after these words.
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There is danger out there. There are pitfalls everywhere. So what do you do? Stay indoors and play it safe or stick your neck out and take a chance? Write for a free CD titled Stick Your Neck Out. Write to Born to Win, Post Office Box 560, White House, Texas 75791 or call toll free 1-888-BIBLE44 and tell us the call letters of this station.
SPEAKER 02 :
Now, let’s bear in mind that humility and pride are choices we make. They’re not just attitudes that are. You think, well, that person just is prideful, or that person just is humble. Well, look at this proverb. Proverbs 15, verse 1. A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge aright. The mouth of fools belches foolishness. Now, a soft answer, while it may come from the heart, it is a choice. You have a choice when somebody smarts off at you. You can give them a soft answer, or you can come back with what Solomon calls grievous words, nasty words, accusing words, smart-aleck words, name-calling words. A soft answer, on the other hand, can just turn away wrath. The argument goes nowhere. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge carefully. But the mouth of a fool, oh, he just belches out words. Whatever form the knowledge is, and that’s what it comes out as, and it’s all out there. So in a way, when you’re in an argument with a fool… if you’re just careful you’ll hear all he’s got to say before very long and if you think and wait and give a soft answer and use your knowledge carefully who knows you might even be able to convey a little knowledge a little wisdom to a fool but don’t bet on it argument and bickering have a set of behaviors that are characteristic they tend to be loud They contain loaded and inflammatory words. They exalt their own knowledge. They belittle the knowledge of the other, and they pour that knowledge out as fast as they can get it out. Note, these are behaviors, not attitudes. They may grow out of an attitude, but if you can just have the discipline to behave yourself, people will think you’re wise, even if you’re not. Although, to tell you the truth, it takes a certain amount of wisdom just to know how to use the behavior. In Proverbs 12, verse 23, there’s a little verse that says this, A prudent man conceals knowledge. The heart of fools proclaims foolishness. Now, there’s a lot of wisdom in this. And you have at your disposal in any given argument, discussion, or what have you, a fairly good fund of knowledge. But there is no point in belching it all out there. Hold it back. It’s a behavior that a wise man will use. It’s a behavior that a man of humility will use as well. Because who knows? Maybe you have put your knowledge together in a way that isn’t coming out exactly right. And when you understand the problem a little better, maybe you will understand the answer a little better. There’s a very good reason to tackle this problem of pride and humility. In Proverbs 16 and verse 18, it says, Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Now, I don’t know why anyone would need any more caution than that. And it has to do, again, with behavior. If you can just master the behaviors of humility, if you can conduct yourself as a wise and humble person, you really are going to avoid most of the risk of this destruction this fall. It’s better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly than to divide the spoil with the proud, because the proud… are going to be destroyed. Or take Proverbs 16, verse 5. Everyone that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord. Though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished. I don’t care how many people you link together. I don’t know how many handshakes and deals you cut. Sooner or later, the proud in heart are going to get it. Then there’s Proverbs 15, verse 33. The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom. And before honor is humility. Would you like to know when God has his hand in your life, meddling around with the things you do, redirecting the course of it, trying to straighten you out on things? Would you like to know when God’s actually doing that? It’s been my experience that God is very subtle in the way he deals with us. He doesn’t show signs in the heaven very often. But his hand is in our life, more often than we think, and probably in ways that we sometimes don’t spot. But there is one subtle indicator when honor is preceded by humility. Now, by this I don’t mean your own humility. I mean a genuine, humbling experience that is imposed on us by circumstances. God intervenes in our life, He brings us down, He humbles us, and then, and only then, He honors us or exalts us. This pattern is pretty consistent among the people with whom God deals. There’s an interesting illustration from the Bible, one from the letters of Paul, which I’ve always found fascinating. In writing to the Corinthians, in Paul’s second letter, in chapter 12, verse 1, he says this, It’s not expedient for me to glory, but I have to come to visions and revelations of the Lord. I knew a man in Christ above 14 years ago, whether in the body I cannot tell or out of the body I cannot tell, God knows. Such a one caught up into the third heaven. And I knew such a man, I still don’t know whether he was in the body or not, God knows, how he was caught up into paradise and heard unspeakable words which it is not lawful for a man to utter. Of such a one will I glory, yet of myself I will not glory but in my infirmities. Now, most people who read this come quickly to the conclusion that what Paul is saying is, the man that had this experience these years ago was me, but in a way it was not me. It was a different man, and I’m a different man today from what I was then. He says, I can glory in the visions that that man had, but I can’t glory in myself except in my infirmities. For though I would desire to glory, I can’t be a fool in this. I’ll say the truth, but I’m going to stop on it, lest any man should think of me above what he sees me to be or hears of me. And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me. lest I should be exalted above measure. Before honor is humility. Paul said, I asked God three times that this thing might go away, and he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in weakness. So Paul says, I will gladly bear my infirmities and glory in them, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. I take pleasure in infirmities and reproaches and necessities and persecutions and distress for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. So if you can find in your life a pattern of where God has brought you down before He allowed you to be exalted, then perhaps you have found the fingerprint of God on your own life.
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For a free copy of this radio program that you can share with friends and others, write or call this week only and request the program titled Making Life Work, number 23. Write to Born to Win, Post Office Box 560, White House, Texas 75791 or call toll free 1-888-BIBLE44 and tell us the call letters of this radio station.
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May I give you another important piece of advice? The more certain you are that you are right, be all the more careful as you proceed. Here’s a proverb. You’d do well to memorize this. It’s Proverbs 16 and verse 25. There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. There is a way that seems right to a man, and the end of that road is death. Mere conviction at your right is not enough. Fools have got that. They got it in spades. They are sure that they are right. It’s far safer to be less certain and more careful. Proverbs 18, verse 12. Before destruction, the heart of a man is haughty. And before honor is humility. And we’ve already talked about that. He that answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him. Not only is it folly and shame, it’s dangerous. You can stick your neck out on something when you really don’t know what the other side’s got, what it is they’re going to argue, how they’re going to present their case. You’re making a big mistake. Can anything be more frustrating than having someone try to answer your arguments before he even understands what your argument is? I don’t know how many times I’ve sat around watching and listening to conversations of people when neither person was listening to the other one, each one simply taking his turn in talking. You’d better be sure before you answer a matter that you really understand it. Here’s another suggestion. This one’s for parents. Have your kids memorize selected proverbs. Give them a prize for being able to recite the proverb along with an illustration of how the proverb works in life. Now, I cannot tell you how many times in my life I have been saved from doing something really stupid because I was able to articulate a reason for not doing it. You follow what I’m saying? It may be that I realized it was stupid. It may be that I didn’t really quite realize it was stupid. But the fact of the matter is that in some cases, I just haven’t been able to find a reason. I haven’t been able to articulate a reason. Someone’s trying to talk me into doing something that somehow I don’t feel quite right about, but I don’t know whether I should do it or not. There have been an awful lot of times, though, when I was able to articulate the reason for not doing it straight out of the book of Proverbs. He that answers a matter before he hears it, it’s a folly and a shame to him. That’s burned into my consciousness. And so consequently, sometimes I actually follow it. And it has saved me a lot of grief. Proverbs are especially valuable because they are designed to stick in the memory. They’re like post-it notes on the refrigerator door of the mind. They’re there, and they keep coming back to you, and they’ll come back to your children in those moments of life where they need a rationale, where they otherwise might have a hard time saying no or knowing why they are saying no. Give them a reason why they say no. Psychologists tell us that one of the ways we process information is in stories. If you can couple a proverb, that is a pithy saying that articulates the reason, along with a story that illustrates the reason, you’ve got a real winner, and you can turn your own kids from losers into winners. I have said that humility is a matter of behavior as much as of feelings. Consider this, Proverbs 25, verse 6. Put not forth yourself in the presence of the king, and don’t stand in the place of great men. For better it is that it be said to you, Come up here, than that you should be sent lower in the presence of the prince. I don’t care how great you think you are. Don’t act like it. Don’t talk yourself up. Don’t make yourself into something great. You’re setting yourself up for a fall. And this is absolutely consistent with Christian teaching. In Luke 14, Jesus put forth a parable to those who were invited to this particular feast. In verse 7, he said, he marked, actually, how they chose out the chief places to sit. And he said to them, when you’re bidden of any man to a wedding, don’t sit down in the highest room, lest a more honorable man than you be invited. Oh, do you mean there is someone more honorable than me? And he that bade you comes and says, I’m sorry, give this man place, and you have to slink down to the other end of the room. But when you are bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room. And when he that invited you comes and says to you, Friend, go up higher, you don’t belong sitting down here, while you’ll have respect in the presence of them that sit at food with you. For whoever exalts himself shall be abased, and he that humbles himself shall be exalted. Isn’t this interesting? What Jesus is saying here is a behavior. He is describing a choice you can make. You can actually choose to conduct yourself like a humble man would do. He who humbles himself. It has to do with where you sit in the room. In Proverbs 25 and verse 27, Solomon says, It’s not good to eat too much honey. So it is for men to search their own glory. It’s not glory. Ain’t it the truth? You know, there’s no glory in telling people how great you are, really. There’s no glory in writing up some kind of a brochure that tells the whole world what a wonderful person you are. I’ll tell you what glory is. That’s when other people see it. He goes on to say with this that he that has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that’s broken down and without walls. And as snow in the summer and as rain in the harvest, so honor… is not seemly for a fool. So, if you act like a fool, you will be considered a fool no matter how wise you are. And if you act like a humble man acts, you will be considered humble, even if down inside of you, you’re proud of yourself. Proverbs 27, verse 1. Don’t boast yourself of tomorrow. You don’t know what a day may bring forth. Let another man praise you and not your own mouth, a stranger and not your own lips. Yeah, that’s the way it should work. Just hang back, humble yourself, and wait for someone else to brag on you. Now, I’m going to give you in conclusion a piece of advice that I learned the hard way. I’m going to give it to you free of charge. I learned it from the book of Proverbs after having made a lot of mistakes. All of us let our vanity get the best of us from time to time. We make fools of ourselves, and then we make bigger fools of ourselves when we try to dig ourselves out of the hole we’ve gotten into. Now consider this wisdom, and it’s found in Proverbs 30 and verse 32. If you have done foolishly in lifting up yourself, lay your hand upon your mouth. When I discovered this proverb and applied it, it created a revolution in my life. I realized that all the time I had been explaining and denying my mistakes, I was keeping other people aware of my folly. I learned that if I would just shut up, they would soon forget it and life would go on. They would not spend time thinking about my error because it wasn’t the center of their life. Most people would rather think about themselves than you anyway. So if you owe someone an apology, apologize and then shut up. Close your trap, or in the words of Solomon, lay your hand on your mouth. You’ll be surprised how quickly it all goes away if you don’t keep it all stirred up. Until next time, this is Ronald Dard, and you can be a winner after all.
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The Born to Win radio program with Ronald L. Dard is sponsored by Christian Educational Ministries and made possible by donations from listeners like you. If you can help, please send your donation to Born to Win, Post Office Box 560, White House, Texas 75791. You may call us at 1-888-DONATE. Bible44 and visit us online at borntowin.net.
SPEAKER 01 :
Christian Educational Ministries is happy to announce a new full-color Born to Win monthly newsletter with articles and free offers from Ronald L. Dart. Call us today at 1-888-BIBLE44 to sign up or visit us at borntowin.net.
