Join Angie Austin and Scott Montgomery as they delve into the pivotal role chores play in developing self-reliant and successful kids. Drawing from personal anecdotes, they discuss the importance of instilling autonomy and responsibility at a young age, and how these values transition into lifelong skills. Discover how simple household responsibilities nurture independence and support children in their journey to becoming capable adults.
00:00:00 Introduction and Welcome to Scott Montgomery
Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here’s Angie.
SPEAKER 03 :
Hey, Scott Montgomery is back. I always look forward to having him on the show. It’s like he’s my twin, my fraternal twin, because we have good marriages. We have kids like almost exactly the same age. I mean, it’s crazy how close our kids are in their life experiences. And we talked to him about his book, How Did You Get Here? Lessons of Unconventional Success. He has a companion book now. And we’re going to talk a little bit about raising successful kids today. Welcome back, Scott. Thank you.
SPEAKER 04 :
It’s always my pleasure, and yes, fraternal sister, Angie Austin. I’m honored, and it’s so true. I mean, what we know about each other in real world, too, outside of these podcasts, and meetings, it’s so funny because what month are your kids born?
SPEAKER 03 :
I think mine are the same. I know. I mean, they’re the same age and it’s like, oh, mine just got a license. Mine just got a license. Mine got a permit. Mine got a permit. You know, mine’s going to college. I’ve got one going to college. It’s like, oh my God. And your son and my son, my son actually just moved to his campus in Boulder. He was attending the school, but he didn’t move in until this semester. And I know your son went out of state. We had a friend’s kid return And his hair looked like an eagle’s nest because he’s so pampered and so taken care of with every aspect of his life that he really didn’t know how to get a haircut or didn’t want to pay for a haircut, didn’t know how to schedule a haircut. And when he came back, I’m like, did you not get a haircut? He’s like, well, yeah, my mom scheduled it for me over winter break.
SPEAKER 04 :
What? And your jaw dropped because you’re going, wait a minute. Am I still handling haircuts? I’m exhausted. I’m old, and I shouldn’t be managing someone else’s haircuts at this point.
SPEAKER 03 :
My daughter asked me – signing day was yesterday, and she asked me if I filled out – she said, are you going to do all the signing day stuff? You’ve got to email this guy and send this picture in and provide this document because they want to prove that you have an offer, you know? And I don’t like giving away all the financial aspects of it. She has her tuition covered. I didn’t really want the amount in there. My husband’s like, why not? He’s like, I’m proud of her. Who cares if somebody sees it? I’m like, all right, we’ll email it in. But I told her I wasn’t doing any of that. So to be honest with you, I thought she might not do signing day. But she got it all done all by herself. I didn’t help with any of the documents.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, it’s so funny to me too because I think – I wrote about this in my book originally, and it’s a life experience that I’ve had my kids have chores as long as they’ve been able to, and I’ve learned since that that is such a critical, autonomizing thing, if that’s the right word, for the next generation because it instills sort of this – you’ve got to take care of yourself, and you have to get something done, and it’s got a little rigor around it. And it’s – one of the biggest comments I get in book reviews is around – Wait, your kids did chores, and I never thought about doing that with mine. How can you help me do that? And it’s in the story you just said. Don’t schedule your kids’ haircuts once they’re off to college.
SPEAKER 03 :
You know, I had read recently, and I don’t know where the article was, but I saw it on a couple of news websites that the biggest tip to raising successful kids was to require them to do chores. And we have like a chore chart, you know, for the kids. And now that my son’s gone, you know, it had to change a little because the girls, yes, right, right. And so I know they don’t like them. And it does take a little bit of like, well, go ahead and give me your phone until you finish your chores if you’re not going to do them on your own, like a little coaxing, shall we say. But I know a lot of my friends’ kids are expected to do nothing and they complain like, oh, they don’t even clean their rooms. They don’t help with this. Like, no, you have to make them.
SPEAKER 04 :
Right. Or at least advise them. Again, back to being fraternal twins, I literally – we set it up in a different way in that we had the dog – and they got to choose who’s doing dishes, who’s doing trash, who’s taking care of the dog, and who’s going to make sure the laundry is pushed through. And no one touches mom and dad’s laundry. So you guys are a collective unit. So one head launch – and they would change from week to week to create diversity and novelty in their job. Yeah. You have the dog, and then they would literally remember the calendar. Like, oh, you had the dog last week, so that means laundry is mine this week, which means dishes is mine next week. And it really worked well until, like, you just nailed it. My older son went off to college, and all of a sudden it was like, who’s going to – and I’m not letting go because you’re 16. You still have chores. You two are going to do these three now. And so we actually ended up taking the dog and making her novelty. Caitlin and I take care of the dog. And no one can argue when we say you’ve got to feed the dog, whoever we pick.
SPEAKER 03 :
You know what’s funny is I took over the pets because that was one area I wasn’t willing to let anything slip. I didn’t think it would be fair for them to not have the cat box cleaned or the dogs not get fed. So I actually took over the pets when he left. But we have the laundry and the dishes, the kitchen, the trash, all of that. But it does keep things flowing, even though I’m sure you do too. We have professional help with keeping the house clean. Yeah, we cover everything. Yeah. Yeah. I actually boosted mine up to every. Oh, oh, we have we have to actually assign that. And my husband, he’s a taskmaster master. He should have been in the Marines. He goes up to their rooms and checks and they they will not be able to go out until it passes his inspection.
SPEAKER 04 :
For the maid to clean it is the way we do it, too. Right. Because it’s such a mess. We can’t ask any human being to go in and clean up the room until it’s clean.
SPEAKER 03 :
That’s funny because I don’t even require our gal to clean their rooms at all. I don’t even allow her to go in. Like, they are off limits. Like, their rooms are completely 100% their own. Well, there has been one and I’m sure a lot of parents can relate to this. There has been one issue that we’ve had with teenage kids. I have a lot of cups. So cups are fine, even though they keep like eight cups in each of their rooms. I have run out of silverware. I had to buy more spoons and forks because we could not find the spoons and forks. And so what happens is, you know, they eat in their room and then you go up there and you might bring down like a whole tub of dishes. It’s insane. You talk about doing things. I’ve got a friend that she still puts on her kid’s sunscreen. We were on vacation with them. They’re the same age as mine. She’s got two freshmen right now in college. And the last time we were on vacation, she was putting on her kid’s sunscreen on their faces. They were like 17, 18-year-old kids. And her husband, who was in his 50s, I’m like, you put on all of their sunscreen on their face? I said, I haven’t put my kid’s sunscreen on since they were like… six i’m like i don’t put any sunscreen on like they have to put it on themselves well that their son really liked our son’s thrift business and so he’s been um shipping things and my son does events and ships things and has a website and i i go i go with him when he goes to these like you know when he’s like searching i’m terrible at it though i’ll find what is his website again It is Legend Vintage. Legend Vintage. He just got a new logo. Okay, so, and then my husband just built him, it’s a mobile store. It’s like one of those enclosed trailers. And he put in shiplap, you know, walls and a cedar ceiling and lighting and solar. It’s so nice. But anyway, so our friend’s kid, his business was starting to pick up. I’m like, well, he’s a football player. And then I said to my son, I’m like, how, How is he shipping? And then I went, oh, I said, his mom’s helping him. Like, I get it. And then I thought, you know what? My kid’s been doing his business for seven years since he was 12 by himself. I’m like, you know what? I’ll help you. So now I’m going to make a percentage. I’m learning how to post things on this site called Depop. Beautiful. Yeah, and they sell things, and so then I’m going to actually get a percentage of what my son sells, and I’m going to help him. Now, I guarantee my friend that’s helping her son, I highly doubt that she’s going to get a percentage, but I’m like, look, I’ll work for you. I mean, he makes enough money he can pay me, so if I can increase his business, why not? But it’s not just mommy putting your sunscreen on.
SPEAKER 04 :
No, the tables are turning, and I think that’s great for his autonomy, right? That’s the word of the day here is how do you get your kids sort of lifted up? and support them, not do it for them. Yes, yes, exactly. And so I think that’s such an important topic, and I think it’s really about the next generation, which is a lot of what we’ve been talking about in general. It’s these various skills and things that they do. I reflect for a second on the chores that were left at my house. For the two that I have still left at home, they had the three chores. The dog became neutral, but they decided, which was ironic to me, to own the one chore in perpetuity. So now they don’t switch week to week. So my daughter’s in charge of the kitchen, and my son is in charge of the trash laundry, and those combine. And I’m like, who wants to do trash laundry in perpetuity is beyond me. And the dishes need to be done every three hours.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes, it doesn’t seem like, yeah, I mean, the kitchen needs to be cleaned like twice a day. It’s like, at least. And I have to say, I have, my duties have picked up. So how do we raise successful kids? I think it comes down a lot of it to the hard part of reinforcing things. All of these fake threats that I see some of my friends giving that they’re like, oh, I couldn’t follow through on it. No, if you give a consequence and, And then their behavior warrants the consequence. You have to give the consequence. I don’t care if it’s not fun. You have to do it. And I think that’s where a lot of parents run into the slippery slope of they don’t know how to back up their words and actually make the kids suffer the consequences.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, and suffering the consequences is more about a learning moment than it is the suffering. You know, Angie, you bring up something really interesting that happened to me recently with one of my children. They got caught. in trouble where I said, if you find yourself at a party or you’ve had too much to drink or you’re not supposed to be doing something, you can always call home and you won’t be in trouble. Right? Yes. We don’t want to say that for our kids. Call home. We’ll come get you. We don’t want you driving drunk. You shouldn’t be drinking. If something’s happened, we will come get you and you will not be in trouble. You can always call us. Well, I got the call from one of my kids and I went and got them and they said, and I said, and here comes the magic word, There will be a consequence to this for you so that you will reinforce those behaviors are not good. But you’re not in trouble. And they had a hard time struggling between those two. So whoever is listening to this and wants to invite their children to know that they’re safe to call their parents all the time, there are still always going to have to be consequences to drive home lessons. Trouble doesn’t mean suffer or you are in trouble. Don’t ever do that again. We don’t want you to do that again. So there’s a consequence. And it was an interesting lesson for me as a parent to kind of navigate that with my child where I’m like, you need to call me. They’re like, well, why would I call you if I’m going to get in trouble like this? And I’m like, you’re not in trouble, but there has to be a consequence to this behavior. And it was a learning moment for me with a 17-year-old that I didn’t care because they mince words still too, pretty down to the wire. And it took a little navigating, but there has to be a consequence. I’m agreeing with you. There has to be a consequence. It doesn’t mean you’re in trouble. You have to pay the toll, you know.
SPEAKER 03 :
And, you know, I just think that it people, parents think that they are being, quote unquote, mean to their kids when they actually enforce these consequences and say, well, I’m taking your phone or you can’t go out this weekend. It’s not fun when we make our daughters stay home for the weekend if they have C’s. That’s my husband saying, if you have C’s and we check their grades and you can’t go out this weekend, you got to work on your school. It’s not fun to keep them home, but you can’t back, you’re doing them a disservice if you don’t make them suffer the consequences for their behavior.
SPEAKER 04 :
Right. That’s exactly right. And still call me first because I will always, we are the only people in the world that care most about you.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes. Right, right.
SPEAKER 04 :
So you can’t not call me because you decided the consequences, you’re in trouble. And as long as you instill that as you go, it definitely doesn’t show up with incompetence for scheduling haircuts or not doing your dishes. It’s about creating that autonomy in your children. It’s such an important topic for our generation because we are helicopter parents, whether we like it or not. Yes, yes. And we have to buy society. So we have to start to figure out how to get out of that and then normalize care.
SPEAKER 03 :
You know, my nephew, who’s in his mid-20s now and doing quite well, he’s a scientist. He’s going to go get his master’s soon. He didn’t refill his prescriptions in college. There was one point where he didn’t get this important information to his mom about his scholarship because he had an academic scholarship. And so I think it was worth around $30,000. And so he missed a deadline. And so they were going to miss out on these funds for his school because he had been really lackadaisical in following the deadlines for his scholarship. And he’s much better now. But boy, those are big consequences, $30,000 and not having your medication that you
SPEAKER 04 :
very much need you know to function at college now do you want to talk about your companion manual and stick around for the next segment or do you want to mention it now we’ll wrap up i’m happy to mention it and we can also have a next segment yeah i’m really excited because what we’re talking about here is structure and habits and goals and like we talked about in the book and like i’ve referenced in how that i’ve raised my children my companion guide is coming out 1999 It’s ready for print, and we are going to be selling this to people who want to use the exercises within it. And it’s titled? How You Go There.
SPEAKER 03 :
Okay, we’re going to be right back when we’re going to talk about How You Go There.
SPEAKER 01 :
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SPEAKER 05 :
Edgewater is tuned to the mighty 670 KLT.
SPEAKER 03 :
Scott Montgomery is back. We normally talk about how did you get here, his book? How did you get here? Lessons of unconventional success. And we’re talking about raising successful children. And now he’s talking about his companion book. So talk about that, Scott.
SPEAKER 04 :
Really appreciate the opportunity, Angie. And yeah, I’m really excited for our listeners and for folks in general and myself in moving the narrative of what I’m trying to do with my book and this companion guide forward. People are going to be able to buy this companion guide. They’ll be delivered right to their house. You can open it up and start working on all the chapters we’ve read and how you get here, Lessons of Unconventional Success, are now in exercises in the companion guide. Each chapter is spelled out, habits, goals, communication, leadership, and coaching, mentoring, and all the things that we’ve talked about. I’ve added a companion guide that has exercises. It’ll have perforated pages so you can take out progress reports and put them right on your refrigerator. And it’s really easy to navigate. Soon to follow will be workshops, and we’ll have some LinkedIn learnings and some other things that are coming too. But it really is in line what we’ve been talking about, and that is making it easier for other people to recognize areas in which they want to pursue growth. And I make it so simple in the companion guide. I keep it very glossary. It’s not complicated. It’s inexpensive. We can have it delivered right to your door now. I’m really looking forward to it.
SPEAKER 03 :
I know that you do love speaking and traveling around. Talk about some of the things that people ask you about that made you want to write this companion manual.
SPEAKER 04 :
So I think for me, I’ve done a podcast, and I did talk to a couple folks in settings where hundreds of people were there. A lot of what I get, which is ironic to today’s talk, a lot of the questions that people get after we talk about what I’ve done here and how I’ve captured it for the community is, is how do they apply it to their children more than how do they apply it to work? So it’s become, for me, both leadership within an organization, but also leadership within the familial organization. And the topic of chores has come up several times. The topic of habits and goals and inspiring your children and coaching them versus managing and telling them what to do and putting sunscreen on their face for them is really what’s evolving here. And The book for me was fun and it was cathartic. I got to kind of release some of what I’ve learned in my coaching certification process, what I’ve done to build my business, how I’ve endured a little pain with my brother’s death in there, and how I’ve raised my children a little bit of a legacy. Wait a second.
SPEAKER 03 :
I lost a brother too. Okay, it’s so weird. I didn’t know about your brother.
SPEAKER 04 :
Oh, yeah. No, that’s part of the genesis of the book is I wanted to leave a legacy piece for my children. He passed in 2019. unexpectedly. He was my older brother, he was 54 years old when he when he passed. And I didn’t know what to do with it. When COVID hit, I thought, geez, how can I express some of how that relationship when how we, you know, we were raised in a very sort of divorced family, horrible situation, if you will. And I didn’t want to, I didn’t want that to be the book, I wanted the growth of how we both came out of that to be the book. And when I was unpacking his apartment, there wasn’t much there to talk about who Dan was. And it bothered me that there was no legacy piece there. I emptied an apartment with couches and furnitures and bank statements. And so I thought, you know, I’ve raised these kids. I’ve got all this stuff. And it was so cathartic for me to take some of what I’ve learned and what I’ve done and create this piece for my children. My son was the first person to ever read it and sort of just put it out there and not make it a woes me, but make it a how you can persevere and how I built WorldGate And really, you’ve really hit a nerve here because the title of the book is actually those who knew me younger, who then see where I sit today, look at me literally and say to my face, how did you, as if to say all people, get here?
SPEAKER 03 :
How did you get successful?
SPEAKER 04 :
You were so not expected to be in the world you’re in. And so these are the reasons this is how I got there. I followed habits. I did goals. I had partnerships. I created relationships. I networked. I got a coach. I took care of myself. And so I’m spreading that word. And in the book, I didn’t want – I did the book first to give it a basis, and I thought it was important to share my story again for the legacy piece and how I got here. But now I’m really excited because the companion guide is about the people participating in doing those exercises, how you, the reader, go there, not how did you, the writer, get here. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER 03 :
Yeah, that’s so wild because I think about my – I lived in low-income housing. My parents were divorced. I lived in foster care. And I look at some of the people I went to elementary school with and junior high is what we had back in my day. And I see I probably wasn’t one of the ones that I did really well in school, but I don’t know that from my difficult background that I was expected to do as well as I did in terms of the news business and working on air in Los Angeles at NBC, etc. And then my brother was actually murdered because two of the kids in my family kind of took a separate route of like drugs and alcohol drinking like my dad, because even though he went was a straight A student in law school, he had his Ph.D. really serious drinking issue where he was a complete addict. And so we were estranged from him for I’d say 30 some odd years. And so it’s just interesting when you come from a background like that, how people expect less of you.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, they expect less of you and they impose less on you. They make assumptions. Like, what? How did you, of all people, get here?
SPEAKER 03 :
And why do you think they thought that about you? Did you not do well in school? Didn’t go to college? What was it that made people surprised that you were so successful, that you’ve become so successful?
SPEAKER 04 :
Both those things. I had driven, you know, and I do dive into those stories in the book. But, you know, I was practically bankrupt. I came from a divorced family. Both my parents have made my entire life about them and their divorce. There was very little nurturing and coddling. And know estrangement and then in that becomes anxiety and loneliness and fear and i was an extroverted class clown look at me but look at me be funny don’t look at me because i have no value how i raised myself you know so then what was the turning point or were there several oh mentors several yeah there were several scenarios there were mentors you know i was smoking i was on the wrong path i was dabbling in drugs and none of that felt good so that helped And then I met some people who started holding me accountable at about 17, 18 years old, maybe 16 years old. And then again, more mentors. And I was always looking outward for relationships like ours, Angie. It’s a perfect example of when you have a good relationship or partnership, you don’t know what can come of it, but honor it and be in it. And your fate will unveil itself. And that will always be positive. Yeah.
SPEAKER 03 :
I always looked for people who were very nurturing and successful and had it together. I have another friend that I know from a similar background to mine, and she did not seek out a partner that came from a different background. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t pick someone from the same background I came from, but a lot of people who came from our background aren’t healthy and aren’t successful. So I was looking more towards kids who were coming out of good marriages, successful, well-educated parents, people who didn’t drink or didn’t overdrink, people who didn’t do drugs, people that didn’t curse, people who did go to church. So I was looking for a certain type of person that I wanted to associate with. And I find that a lot of people that come from a bad background tend to gravitate towards other kids that are messed up. And so then they end up marrying someone else that’s messed up. Like in the case of my friend, she married someone that went to prison. Her mom married someone that went to prison, you know, her current husband or second husband, uh, is facing prison time right now it’s like why would you keep in fact her dad said when she brought the guy home when did you get out of prison because he had so many tattoos and he hadn’t at the time been to prison but that was in his future so why why why are you expecting so little of your relationships and of is it because you don’t value yourself that people from our background pick people sometimes that aren’t worthy of them because they believe they’re not worthy of someone good
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, or they can control them because they know the manipulations they were raised under, and that’s a comfort level. And then for me, it was not comfort. It was anxiety. So I searched out those people that didn’t bring the same anxiety I brought, and they were anybody that wasn’t low-income and from a divorced household. And I wasn’t actively doing that knowingly. It was a subconscious behavior of who I attracted to, and I got lucky in that regard because I was still embraced because I was actually funny as a class clown. You know, I was a loud mouth. I was all those things. And I think you succumb to all of that. I mean, I’m still in therapy today to process some of the crazy that’s known around my brother’s death and not known around my brother’s death and how I still am dealing with my parents and how I have to put on my armor. And is that normal? And am I doing that? And, you know, how do I appreciate what they knew to do as a parent? So the book doesn’t bash my parents by any stretch. As a matter of fact, I ran from that. There’s a whole other book about that. But that’s not what this is about. This is about looking at the glass half full. This is about taking these things that I recognize later in life and trying to give them to those kids that were like me then or people who are entrepreneurs that don’t have to do it so aggressively with so much anxiety and risk.
SPEAKER 03 :
So is it fun for you when you are able to go back to your childhood friends or a reunion or something like that and meet people who are surprised by your level of success? I hate it. You don’t like it? Oh, interesting.
SPEAKER 04 :
No, I actually went to my high school reunion and I was like, this is awful. About six people continued the dialogue of when I was a kid. I’m still here. You made fun of me, but I’m still here kind of reactions. And frankly, I will also say back to – that’s a handful of folks in my high school. But I will tell you that because of social media and where I grew up that a lot of the folks I went to high school with I’m actually still close friends with. And they lift me. They lift me. That friend that doesn’t come from – that came from money, that came from the private school, whose parents weren’t divorced, who’s had some trauma in his life, whatever, I reference in my book today. I just talked to him at Thanksgiving. So we have this way of staying connected to probably – If I had 300 people in my class and you’re friends with 25 when you graduate, say, like there’s 50 of you, I’m still friends with 10 of them, like active.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes, yes, which actually is quite a bit in this day and age.
SPEAKER 04 :
But it was because of Facebook you’re able to stay in touch, and we have a unique scenario. And I’m still vulnerable to being in a place. So interesting the question, right, because I’m still vulnerable to being in a place where my success is driven by these things and the support of you. I don’t want to go to places. where I know it wasn’t as a result of that support. So those people in my hometown, I went back and saw my high school teacher and she’s like, you are unbelievable at what you’ve done here and what I saw in you then. And you called that a bad thing, right? So there’s just no point. I’m not a look at me person, ironically. I’m an extroverted person.
SPEAKER 03 :
It’s interesting. I’m not either. Yeah. And then you’d think I would be because of the TV thing, but I’m really, I don’t want to be the center of attention when I attend events or do whatever.
SPEAKER 04 :
I want to be in the aha moments with people that get something from my book and handbook and this conversation. The ahas are so incredible. And if you can nurture that with people to create a little vulnerability, show them that we’re all on these unconventional lessons of success. I struggled with talking about my book so much, which is why I’m so excited about the companion guide, because it moves to the person trying to experience the companion guide. I learned this, again, when my brother died, threw me for a loop. It was completely unexpected. I’m still traumatized by it. I am literally seeing a therapist about how to navigate grief five years later. Interesting. It was my first sort of like, are you kidding me? And it’s more about losing hope and the future I’d predicted for us than the loss itself because we were very different people. But at the end of the day, and I forgot my loss because I started to describe my relationship with him, but it was – I’m still seeing a therapist about this, but I think these things are really – about helping the next generation and when my son was reading it and he’s drinking it my twins are a little young and he was like oh so i’m going to go become a real estate professional you did that i see how to nurture relationships i see how to provide value and not just do a task i could actually do the task differently and provide better value right when those things start to come up that’s where i want to be oh i know what i was going to tell you when my brother died i realized i wasn’t an extroverted class clown loudmouth guy Because I went into a hole for three weeks. I literally never left my sunroom. And I was like, who is this person? And I haven’t quite unpacked that person yet. The whole look at me thing isn’t really true. It was a deflection to the insecurities of not having.
SPEAKER 03 :
Yes.
SPEAKER 04 :
In a way that I thought was ideal.
SPEAKER 03 :
All right. I get such a kick out of talking to you, Scott. Give us your website so people can find your books.
SPEAKER 04 :
www.HowYouGoThere.com.
SPEAKER 03 :
HowYouGoThere.com. Thanks. Looking forward to our next interview. Thank you.
SPEAKER 02 :
Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.
